Two weeks into the season and the NFL hasn’t shut down yet! You know that video of Paul Rudd on Hot One’s when he’s like, “who whoulda thought? Not me?” That’s how I feel about this season. Aside from the fact that every player in the NFL suffered a season ending injury, I would say this was a good week. We are settling into our roles this season – the good, the bad and the ugly. Enough small talk, let’s get into it.
Me v. Lebron
This is just one of those matchups. Two guys who talk the talk, but can they walk the walk? One of us backed up their shit talking and the other is experiencing backup from shit. To be fair, this was a pretty close contest. At one point, early in the day, it looked like Lebron was going to blow me out. Goonies never say die.
I was stressed as can be Thursday trying to decide on who to start – Tyler Boyd or Tre’quan Smith. I added Smith after Michael Thomas went down in week one. I was almost most folks. My roster flip flopped all day long. I may have flipped them legitmatley twenty times throughout the day. Most folks would’ve started Boyd. He’s the more established player. I ain’t most folks. Tyler Boyd is the type of guy you start if you want to finish in fourth place. Beans Corp don’t do fourth place. That seemed to be the right play all night last Thursday until Tyler Boyd naturally got the most obvious garbage time touchdown in the history of the National Football League. Whatever, I got 25.8 point from Chubb so I was happy. My RB1, Dalvin Cook, did well, giving me just over 16 points. Ridley is an absolute nutjob. He tore my beloved Dallas Cowboys up. All those guys are fine. It really just comes down to Dak. My guy dropped 39.8. Almost cracked the coveted 40 burger. What a beautiful person. He did so well that I got to make the rare move of benching my defense on Monday Night since Lebron didn’t have anyone going. If I lost because my D/ST got me negative points I would’ve quit mid season. Tre’quan smith gave me 11 points, by the way. What a move TY Hilton sucks. Whatever. On to the next one.
Is Lebron the new Alex? It is almost impossible to produce 135.8 points and lose but this is The League – where impossible happens. What went right? McCaffrey gave Lebron 22.8, but at what cost? Everything. Lebron won’t see the number one overall pick for some time. That scumbag Robbie Anderson did well. Tyler Higbee aka Higsbee was Lebron’s highest scorer. Kareem Hunt scared the shit out of me Thursday night putting up 23 points. What went wrong? Well, Tom Brady is 75 years old and a bad fantasy quarterback. You need more than 8.6 from Devin Singletary. Malcolm Brown continues the trend of disappointing Rams receivers. AJ Green is just nonexistent. I might file a missing person’s report. Hate to see it. Unless you’re me. Beans 154.2 – Lebron 135.8
Brent v. Andrew
Another marquee matchup. The biggest guy in The League against the Champ aka the comish. On the pod I predicted a Brent victory. I hate how right I was. This wasn’t just a win. It was a beatdown. Brent’s team did fairly well, but Andrew made it straight up uncompetitive. He is in serious trouble, as his blog post earlier tonight stated.
Brent survived terrible showings from Julio Jones and Will Fuller and mediocre performances from Watson and Ertz. How? He has the best running back duo in The League right now with Zeke and Carson. Keenan Allen and Melvin Gordon showed up. Bears D/ST dropping 13 points? Did I take a time machine to 2018? Jeez I sure hope this Mahomes guy pans out. What stands out the most to me is Brent getting 16 points from his kicker. I watched an E60 on Justin Tucker last year and he seems like a really good guy so this just warms my heart and potentially Brent’s wallet.
Andrew, Andrew, Andrew. We are very close from going from first to worst. This is like the Boston Red Sox trajectory. Win one year and then somehow implode in grand fashion the next. It’s just tough to watch. One of the lowest scored I’ve ever seen in the history of The League. You need double digits from Derrick Henry. Need. Peyton Barber dropping 0.1 is just a sad sight. It’s not surprising, but it certainly is sad. Side note – Andrew if you want Gibson hit my line. A normal Allen Robinson points total is like 7.8 or something. 4.8 don’t cut it. Imagine telling yourself two years ago Gurley would be on the Falcons and he would only give Andrew 6 points? You would laugh your way to the movie theatre to see Mid 90’s or whatever people did in 2018. Is there bright side? Miles Sanders did very well. Robert Woods did better than his usual goose egg. Darren Waller is turning into a start TE and could be the reason Andrew’s team has any chance of turning it around. It’ll take a lot though, but, hey, we went to the moon. Brent 119.8 – Andrew 87.8
Kris v. Jack
What a game. Wow. This was the closest matchup of the week. Kris may be the biggest victim of the injury plague that ravaged the NFL this week. Well, I guess the actual players who got hurt are the biggest victims, but Kris is a close second. He’s the San Francisco 49ers of The League. If his team stayed healthy, or David Johnson didn’t stink, he may have won.
Jack got his first win of the year thanks to Kyler Murray. It’s nice to see him panning out. Jack had Kyler last year too, right? This is growing into a beautiful friendship. Jeez I’m looking at Jack’s team and everyone did well. Terry McLaurin drops 22 points. My fingers couldn’t believe we were writing that sentence. If there’s one thing I know in this world it’s Wisconsin Badger football, so I could’ve told you a year ago Johnny Taylor was going to be a problem. Ronald Jones II produed 9.7, which is the most Ronald Jones II stat line possible. A really, really nice week from Jack.
Poor Kris. He dropped 141.6 points all while losing his first round pick, Saquon Barkley, early in the game, losing Devante Adams and having David Johnson. I feel so bad for Saquon. Two years of this. Devante Adams’s injury seems far less serious although he may miss this coming week. David Johnson is gonna David Johnson. Hey, to be fair 6 points is better than the .6 he would continually put up for me last year prior to him getting the scissors. Bright spots for Kris? Russell Wilson. What a man. He’s such a nice guy but will then drop 33.4 fantasy points on Jack. What a dangerous man. Want a hot take? DeAndrew Hopkins is really good. Hayden Hurst is a tight end who came out of no where but is producing very nicely. Diggs went nuts and dropped 25.3. Younghoe Koo, Kris’s team’s namesake said, “I’m sorry you have David Johnson, time to put the team on my back” and put up 17 points. Not enough. Jack 148.1 – Kris 141.6
Abie v. Ryan
The battle of last year’s 9th and 10th place teams. The content would’ve been hilarious if they both dropped like 60 points. Imagine they tied with a points total in the double digits. There would’ve been riots. Fortunately, or unfortunately if you’re me and need funny things to write about, that didn’t happen. Abie proved me wrong on the pod and had a nice classic HockeyPro69 performance.
Abie wrote in the group chat that me calling him out on the pod fired him up. You’re welcome, Abie. You needed this. Mahomes does Mahomes things. There’s not other way to put it. He is a fantasy bedrock and will be the reason Abie has any sort of run at all. Tyler Lockett did well, but that’s what happens when you got Russell slinging you the rock. Lockett’s solid 16.2 is irelevant when you look at what Aaron Jones did. Jesus Christ someone lock this guy up. 43.6 points. One of the most I’ve ever seen. He had a huge week last year too. Is he the new Derrick Henry? You tell me! If he had a very solid 19 points, something I would think it would be worth writing about, Ryan would’ve won. Cruel world. Kennyan Drake stinks. Mark Andrews had the first bad week he’s had in a while. That shouldn’t be too much of a concern for Abie. He’ll bounce back.
Ryan had a pretty good week. It wasn’t enough to overcome Aaron Jones, but, it was still pretty good. You know what though? The standings don’t care about pretty good. It cares about two things – wins or loses. Sink or swim. Survival of the fittest, etc. Ryan’s team all scored around the same amount of points. Seriously look at it when you get a chance it’s weird. Clyde, Mixon, Chark and Marvin Jones all scored 10 some odd points. The only one who really stood out was Mike Gesicki who dropped 23 points. Like any tight end dropping over 20, this is an anomaly and Ryan should not bank on this performance again. Hines did nothing. We’ve all done this – a player on your bench goes off and the next week you start them and they shit the bed. I call this Will Fuller syndrome. Get Tayson Hill in there. Abie 139.6 – Ryan 119.2
Max v. Alex
I feel like these are two guys who never play each other. I’m aware that this is impossible but in my mind these are two teams that just don’t cross each other’s paths. This was kind of like the Bucs playing the Chargers. It just doesn’t happen. As a result, I was psyched to see this play out. Alex joined the winners circle and Max woke up Alabama with his classic loud weeping following defeat.
It pains me to see Matt Stafford in a starting lineup. I know he’s good. Don’t show me the stats or argue with me. I understand he’s technically good. He dropped 16.2 which is, you know, what Matt Stafford is gonna do. Alex got nearly 18 points from Mostert until he fell victim to the 49ers injury bug. OBJ didn’t shit the bed this week, giving Alex 15.4 last Thursday. Kelce showed why he’s a second round pick, dropping 19.5. Alex’s best performer is surprising. Josh Jacobs? Nope. Adam Thielen? No, sir. Gotta be Seattle D/ST? WRONG! Parris Campbell? Good guess but nah. It’s Julian Edelman! Alex got clowned for that pick but look who’s laughing now. Rough week on Alex’s bench. Good thing this wasn’t a tie.
On the pod we both said Max is consistently one of the better teams but he’s never viewed as top tier. This would’ve been a good opportunity to shut us up. He absolutely squandered it. You’re just simply not top tier if you barley crack triple digits. Max got nearly 34 points from Kamara, 19 points from Hill, nearly 20 pints from Mike Evans and only scored a total of 104.5. How? Cam Akers stinks, Hollywood Brown stinks, Slayton stinks, Buffalo D/ST took a point away from him and Matt Prater stinks. That’s a whole lotta stink. If he played Fournette over Cam Akers Max’s week looks a whole lot better. He goes from losing to winning and having a pretty solid week. You rally want more from Lamar. 17.6 is not what you drafted him for. You really want Lamar Jackson to score more than just one point more than Matt Stafford. Yikes. Please don’t think I forgot, because I didn’t. Goose egg alert! Gronk putting up straight zeroes. Mike Greenberg and company on First Take is discussing Gronk right now as I write this. They agree that Max should be in full blown panic mode. Alex 119.9 – Max. 104.5.
Best Team: Beans (154.2)
Worst Team: Andrew (87.9)
Best Player: Aaron Jones (43.6)
Worst Player: Seattle D/St (-2.0)
How can you read this and be anything other than completely amped for this week? It’s The League! These injuries were heartbreaking and, for some, season jeopardizing. As a result, the waiver wire was HOT this week. Some serious FAAB bucks were flying. Will I ever lose again? Will Lebron and Ryan ever win again? Will Andrew ever crack triple digits again? How will everyone with major injuries turn it around? Is Jack going to go the distance? How did we let Brent assembly the roster he has? Is Max planning for next year? Is Abie here to stay? Is Alex happy he didn’t score 150 only to lose? There are just so many questions. They’re not for me to answer. Well, other than the one about me. No, I don’t plan on ever losing again. Week 3 starts in about 11 hours. I can’t wait. Until next time.
Must Be Sunday 