Four weeks in. Four weeks of bliss if you’re me or Brent. Four weeks of agony if you’re Andrew or Ryan. Four weeks of varying feelings for everyone else. There is just nothing like The League.
Me v. Abie
I genuinley don’t think I’ve ever played Abie in fantasy football. I know it’s impossible since we’ve been in the same league for a number of years but I just don’t know how this guy plays. One thing I do know for sure is that Abie hasn’t appreciated my very fair and balanced criticisms in recent weeks. Abie used my comments as inspiration and went on a nice two game win streak. Unfortunately for Abie, he couldn’t crack my three game win streak.
If you told me Nick Chubb would drop a quick 4 points and then exit the game due to a knee injury I wouldn’t be pumped. If you told me Matt Ryan would forget that Calvin Ridley is a human being that exists I really wouldn’t be pumped. Both of these nightmare scenerios did happen in real life. As the old saying goes – Beans Corp never says die. Where would I be without Dak? Not 4-0 let me tell you. The Cowboys had one of the worst loses in franchsie history on Sunday but, thankfully for me, that was entirely on the defense. Dak threw for 60,000 yards. Unreal. Dalvin Cook went off. CeeDee Lamb contributed to the Cowboys strong offensive showing. Too bad he can’t double up as linebaker.
Abie had a nice week. If he played most other teams he would’ve extended his winning streak. The good? Aaron Jones is a juggernaut. Amari Cooper dropped a rock solid 27.4. Again, can this guy play safety? Mark Andrews decided to stop stinking. The bad? Tyler Lockett got the silent treatment from Russell Wilson. The ugly? Kennyan Drake. Yikes oh man this guy stinks. Mahomes did fine. If he did what he’s capable of I would’ve sweat through my chicken bucket szn shirt. Go Yanks. Beans 142.9 – Abie 126.2
Jack v. Brent
This was a big one. Jack has looked good. If he could top Brent he would really get some looks as a big time contender. All I can say is get out of Brent’s way because he’s a goddamn freight train. Choo choo.
There’s no eye popping performances from when looking at Brent’s roster. Everyone did their job and did it well. Well, except Julio Jones, but Matt Ryan forgot how to throw footballs. Chris Carson recovered nicely from what looked like a very ugly injury. Melvin Gordon introduced himself to the City of Denver. Zeke did nothing in the game but somehow put up 16.5. Brent also pulled off one of the most notorious trades in the history of The League last week in which he got hooked up with Kelce. There will be a lot more talk of this trade but Brent only got 8.5 out of the second rounder. You definitley want more but it didn’t end up mattering.
Jack saw the Dallas Cowboys were playing the Cleveland Browns and figured it would be a good move to pick them up, because The Browns, as the name suggests and a certain widereceiver enjoys, are shitty. It really truly does make a lot of sense. The only issue is the Cowboy’s defense is the worst in the history of the National Football League. It is bannana’s bad. You know the classic video of EDP putting on his Eagles gear saying that, “he’s going in because he will play with more heart and passion than any of their sorry asses?” That’s me watching this defense. -9.0! Holy shit! That is the worst score I ever remember seeing in fantasy football. This will be in textbooks. If Jack played basically any other defense and Austin Ekeler didn’t blowout his hammy he probably would’ve won. Kittle was spectacular. Josh Allen is elite. Terry McLaurin was the play. Jerry Jeudy had a nice Thursday night. It was all for not. Brent 136.3 – Jack 116.9
Lebron v. Andrew
Let’s be honest – we all wanted this to end in a tie. That would’ve broken the internet or at least this website. Our servers can only handle 5 pageviews per day. Fortunately for Lebron and unfortunately for those who like to laugh, there was a definitive winner in this week’s battle of the bad aka the battle of the blackouts.
Waking up last Sunday Lebron needed four things – food, water, shelter and to win this fantasy football matchup. It was imperative. Due to COVID-19 Lebron needed a new QB and elexted for Joey Heisman’s. Burrow is going to enjoy a long career, hopefully not entierly in Cinncinati, and I expect him to be a starter in The League for years to come. It would’ve been fun for him to have a big welcome to the Burrow show week. He didn’t but he’s better than Jarred Goff. Kareem Hunt stepped up following Chubb’s heartbreaking injury. Mike Davis gave Panthers fans a reason to not be miserable. Devin Singletary and Devante Parker want to stay starters for the rest of the year. If you’re Lebron you’re not thrilled with Higbee aka Higsbee aka Ned Bigby.
Andrew is self declared officially dead. The death certificate lists the cause as “Lebreezy.” In the grand scheme of things, COVID ruining Andrew’s week in fantasy is, without a doubt, the least heartbreaking aspect of the pandemic, but the imapct is undeniable. He lost Derrick Henry, his first round pick, and AJ Brown. The comish decided to move in a different direction from Carson Wentz and he decided to pick up an almost equally as bad Jared Goff. Jared got paid, checked out and gave Andrew a pitiful 11.7 points. Everyone has a blacklist of players they won’t ever give another chance. Miles Sanders is going to find himself on Andrew’s list. Darrell Henderson is no Derrick Henry. Russell Gage did not give Andrew the billion points he needed Monday night to win. The positives? Gurley Benjamin Buttoned himself and had a nice week. Allen Robinson had his second solid week in a row. That’s about it. Lebron 119.7 – Lebron 96.0
Max v. Kris
This was a close one. Kris’s team is absolutely decimated and he still eeked victory out. If he can get get back to full strength we may have a third choo choo in the mix.
Russell Wilson had a down week and still dropped 20.9. McKinnion stepped up really nicely for Kris. Kupp and Diggs are planting themselves as consistent producers. Randy Bullock, who is the Bengals kicker if you’re like me and had no idea, went off. Kris needs Devante Adams back because Valdez-Scantling ain’t it. Hopkins had a bad week. Hayden Hurst has regressed to his mean following a solid week two quickly. Kris got burned by Colts D/ST last week so bad he picked them up this week. I can confirm he didn’t get the 90 points that I got against Kris last week, but it didn’t matter.
Man oh man did Max miss Leonard Fournette this week. If Rex Burxhead wasn’t so bad our friend in the deep south would’ve been celebrating a week well won with some sweet tea or whatever people in Alabama do. Lamar did his thing. Kamara will likely last another week as being featured in Max’s team name. Mike Evans and his new bff TB12 are really hitting it off. Max didn’t need this win, but he had a chance to cop a win against an injured Kris, and he squandered it. KRis 126.2 – Max 123.8
Alex v. Ryan
Ryan had a chance to finaly get into the win column. He gave it his all. He really did. Is he the new Alex? Big points with nothing to show for it. It really sounds like it.
I can’t believe Alex is rolling with Matthew Stafford but he had his best week to date so at this point let’s keep the party going. I wanted Adam Thielen and Alex stole him from me like Jean Valjean. OBJ shit all over the Cowboys but anyone is able to do that. Chiefs D/ST stepped up. If I’m Alex I’m extremley worried about Josh Jacobs. Julian Edelman needs to not start. Zach Ertz continues his downward trend. Sounds like problems Alex didn’t need to worry about this week.
Ryan was the third highest scoring team this week. He just hapens to play the second highest scoring team. Aaron Rodgers is continuing his Fuck You tour. Joe Mixon had a career day. Chark did that thing where he goes off once or twice a year. Ryan’s first round pick, Clyde Edwards-Helaire, has yet to truly breakout following his solid first career game in week one. Marvin Jones Jr and Mike Gesicki stink. Michael Gallup didn’t contribute to the powerful Cowboys offensive efforts. If he’s not going to contribute on offense then maybe he can help out on the otherside of the ball. It was just one of those weeks for Ryan.
Best Team: Alex (148.5)
Worst Team: Andrew (96.0)
Best Player: Joe Mixon 39.1
Worst Player: Cowboys D/ST (-9.0)
This week was a movie oh my god. There are some big plotlines brewing. There was an onslaught of waiver wire moves and I highly recommend you read Jack’s piece analyzing everything you need to know. Can Andrew and Ryan do anything to save their seasons? Can Kris keep acting like the 2019 Yankees? Is Alex going to end his fantasy career on top? Most importantly Brent and I play each other. This is the biggest matchup in the history of The League. Get ready. It’s war. Week 5 begins in less than 24 hours. I know you’re ready. I sure am.
Must Be Sunday 