and Introducing… LeagueStory (/ligstəri/)
Okay before I answer any questions I want to acknowledge the death of Michael K. Williams, as a prominent cast member of the show that this column takes its namesake from, I’d be remiss to not mention the tragic circumstances that led to his early exit from the Earth. Rest in power, Professor Kane (his character in Community, I never saw The Wire). Also would like to say that I’m particularly saddened by the passing of Norm MacDonald, a comedian on and off the field and someone who I try to emulate in many of my not-nearly-as-funny real life observations and so-called “jokes”.
Anyway, let’s get down to it. LeagueStory is my new segment that will be combined sometimes with The Wire but also sometimes separate. It has more to do with historical wins and losses, points for and against, marquee match-ups and narrative throughlines of Our Favorite League. It’s pronounced the same way as “history”, but with “league-” in place of the “hi-“. Here’s a link to the International Phonetic Alphabet if you’re still having trouble: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Help:IPA/English
I’ve posted a few charts here and there, but at the bottom of this column are a few that I’ve made since getting all the stats entered into my trusty Excel spreadsheet. They’re pretty self-explanatory. Some things to look out for: this isn’t really news but it’s certainly interesting to see how many times Kris has put up numbers that should give you an easy win before SNF begins, only to have his heart ripped out by a handful of ticks on the other side of the ball. Look for it again this year, but maybe he’ll pull it out when it counts. I also love that there is a Vignali showdown highlighted in both the Top 50 and Bottom 50, both with the Commish getting the edge. Lastly, we all remember the infamous Max vs. Ryan race to the bottom of 2020, but not many people know that only three short years ago our reigning champ won in a fluke job against his former Albany roomie. We sure that belt isn’t just gold on the outside?
To put it bluntly, The Wire did not see much action in preseason. I personally wasted $4 FAAB on Todd Gurley off a tip that landed in my IG DMs from none other than Mikey Seligson. Abie also offer a buck for the former RB1, so you’re welcome. Then Max spends $2 on Rashaad Penny, only to drop him a few days later. This week looks much more interesting, I’ll be throwing everything on the spreadsheet tomorrow while fasting for the Yom Kippur holiday and thinking about all the sins I’ve committed in the past year (not drafting Hopkins with my first pick being one of them).
I’m not overexaggerating when I say this: every single waiver pick-up for Week 1 sat on the bench. Every. Single. One. Except two, I started the Dolphins D and Vigs started the Vikings D, both scoring 4 points. Both defenses we dropped did worse than that, so good job to us and better job to me for winning that matchup. None of the guys who were riding the pine could have made a difference in the outcome of the game, aside from Kris leaving 25 points in Gronk out of his final score. If he switched around his RB to sit Aaron Jones and started the season with two tight ends we would have laughed our asses off until he won, then we’d all be very scared. Tommy Bonez had the next best free pick-up with Ty’son Williams. However, those 16.9 points (nice) would not do much to cover the 36 point deficit he lost by in the Battle of the Newbies. We also of course had a ton of free agents and injured guys being added and dropped in the lead up to The Big Day, causing a lot of unnecessary static for yours truly. It’s okay though, it’s my job.
That’s about all I got right now, enjoy the charts below and be on the lookout for more content flowing free from the brains, mouths and fingers of all your favorite League members. This has been The Wire, Go League, sign the petition, and as always: Don’t spend it all in one place.
(Turn your phone sideways for an enhanced viewing experience)
Must Be Sunday 