Power Rankings: Week 2

Oh man, is it already time to update the Power Rankings? Chet YouBetcha it is. I always say that week two of the regular season is the most important game you play all season. A 2-0 start can springboard your fantasy team for a deep playoff run. An 0-2 start, you might as well pack your bags and start preparing for next season (or in our case for the standup stage). Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to face the embarrassment of an 0-2 start and fortunately for yours truly, I faced Max in a laugher and avoided that dreaded fate. The same can’t be said for everyone, however. So without further ado – let’s jump into this week’s rankings with our number 10 team….

#10. The Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 7)
Am I really dropping Kris to last place this early in the season? You’re goddamn right. Kris has had a disastrous start to the 2021 campaign, dropping his first two games without much of a fight. While things certainly improved over last week, still not nearly went right enough to keep either game all that competitive. I wrote last week about how I expected Allen Robinson, Josh Allen and Damien Harris to perform much better. Well guess what? They didn’t. It appears the Myles Gaskin experiment has ceased, as Kris benched him and his whopping 6.6. Jarvis and Juju are both tremendously overrated. Pretty much only Kelce and Aaron Jones showed up this week, not enough if you’re a Kris fantasy football supporter.

#9. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 6)
Oof. This was just one of those weeks. We’ve all had them before and for as long as we play fantasy, we’ll continue to have them. But they still hurt all the same. Nothing, absolutely nothing, went right for Max on Sunday. From about 2:00 in the afternoon on Sunday on, Max’s win probability did not climb above 1%.  What do you expect when someone in your lineup drops a goose-egg, and still wasn’t the worst guy on your team. I’m speaking of course of Jason Sanders and Steelers D (fuck you Lebron). Kamara had one of those games we’re he disappeared. Max is scrambling to find a reliable RB2, and I’ll tell you it isn’t Elijah Mitchell – thanks for literally handing Kyle Pitts to Brent. Your WRs actually put up a respectable 45 points combined, but far too little from everyone else doomed Max’s fate as he settled for the number 9 spot. Gotta get better.

#8. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Pervious Ranking: 8)
Well, if it wasn’t for Max’s abomination, I’d probably have dropped Brad a spot here. Maybe you should send some sort of Edible Arrangement Max’s way for keeping you numero Ocho. Week 2 really stung as Brad dropped a very winnable game against the defending champion Flandrew’s. I tried to warn y’all in last week’s column- I’ll say it again in case you missed it. Saquon Barkley is doo-doo. Can’t expect to win many games when you’re number 1 draft pick is so shitty. Kyler Murray remains Brad’s lone bright spot, scoring another 4 tds. Put his little legs and rocket arm couldn’t drum up much scoring for the rest of the Brad’s lineup, which combined for a measly 70 points. Devonta Smith kinda stinks, so does Ronald Jones. The best thing I can say is Nick Chubb did kind of ok and Brandon McManus is good. That’s about it.

#7. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 3)
Is it to early to hit the panic button here? Not for the Corporation which demands excellence and has the track record to back it up. Bean’s is a hard luck 0-2, but winless all the same. And for that, I can’t justify him being any higher on this list. What went right in week 2? For one, CMC did what he does, no further explanation needed. Courtland Sutton, Chris Carson and Stefon Diggs performed well. And as I write this, the Pats D just intercepted Zach Wilson again. So what went wrong? Well – he faced Ryan who was desperate to end his own losing streak. Tampa’s D recorded 2 pick 6’s in about 5 min and doomed any chance of the Bean’s winning this week, but I won’t go much further into that game because at number 6 we got the aforementioned…..

#6. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 9)
Marrrrzy. The comeback kid and feel-good story of The League, Ryan needed a victory in this one to get his season on track. And get one he did. Scary Terry and Russell Wilson dropped a combined 55 big ones, Davante Adams and Diontae Johnson had nice bounce back performances and Tampa’s two pick sixes was easily enough to eat a W as Jameis Winston would say, even with Melvin Gordon still as your RB2. I’ll trade you CEH for him straight up. Only kidding (or am I?). Hey Beans, at least the Cowboys won.

#5. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 10)
You know the saying “Oh how the mighty have fallen?”. Well I guess this is a case of the unmighty rising. Last week’s last ranked team and lowest scorer, the Buffalo’s went worst to first in week 2, leading the way with an outstanding 162 points andgood enough to shoot up 5 spots week to week. Everybody on Bonez’s team minus Succop scored in the double figures, exactly the kind of production you want to have. Najee, Ekeler, Justin Jefferson and Noah Fant all bounced back. Mike Evans and Bills D exploded all over the expense of all 10 combined Falcons and Dolphins fans. But the story of this week was Lamar, who minus an opening pick 6 absolutely demolished the Chiefs D, going for 32 points and (even more impressive) a victory over Pat Mahomes. Keep this up and next year Bonez will be showing up at the draft wearing his signed Austin Ekeler jersey.

#4. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 5)
Keep the ball rolling, keep the ball rollllllling. Back-to-back strong performances from a suspect at best squad entering the season has seen yours truly rise 5 spots from our initial power rankings and into the top 4. Where did I go right? Well I had the foresight to see the Bears D matchup against the lowly Bungles and snatched them up for free off the waiver list Saturday morning. 3 Joey B interceptions later and I was on the right side of a laugher against Max. Jalen Hurts, Dalvin, Godwin and Brandin Cooks all rocked – thanks guys. Now for the bad, Clyde Edwards Helaire. C-E-H is playing more like P-O-O, dropping a measly 2.6 points and literally fumbling the game away against Baltimore. So far he seems like a wasted 2^nd round pick. Jonnu Smith and DK both sucked as well. And lastly, I’ll be remise to not mention the injury bug struck Darrell Henderson, forcing him to leave in the 3^rd Quarter against Indy. Something to monitor going forward along with Josh Jacobs’s ankle. But for now, the number 4 spot for the 3^rd highest scoring team through 2 weeks sounds about right. Go Me.

#3. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 3)
Motherfucker, why couldn’t I play Jack this week? Not that 129 point is anything to sneeze at, but it’s a sharp drop from the 157 the JTT2.0’s dropped last week.  If you’re asking yourself what happened, look no further than Tyreek Hill, who last week couldn’t stop scoring TDs, and this week largely disappeared. Good game planning from the Ravens, I guess. I might put out a hit on Tyler Lockett if he keeps stealing targets and points from my man DK. Deebo, Jamar and Singletary did good. Jonathan Taylor and George Kittle did not. Just one of those days. For the first time in the history of fantasy football, someone (Jack) is really regretting not starting Cordarrelle Patterson. One day that might end up a Jeopardy question. Lastly, Tom Brady played better than Zach Wilson. Shit happens.

#2. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 1)
To say Brent was lucky to escape this week with a victory is an understatement, which sucks for everybody else. Brent was the 8^th highest scoring team on Sunday, but was victorious on account that I scheduled him to play Brad, sorry folks. Still, Brent is 2-0 and most of us aren’t. Last week we had Max winning with his QB scoring under 10, this week is was Dak’s pitiful 7.48 that somehow got the job done. I’ll say this, Cooper Kupp is the best (white) wide receiver in the history of the NFL. Prove me otherwise. AJ Brown, Amari Cooper, Kyle Pitts and Joe Mixon did mostly nothing. Did it matter? No, because Zeke scored a touchdown for the first time since 2018 and DJ Moore now has the Golden Child Sam Darnold playing QB in Carolina. Man, I wish the Jets had someone like him. Anyway, wasn’t really impressed with Brent’s team all that much but a win is a win, so the #2 spot it is.

#1. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 2)
One week out of the top spot was one too many for my man Abie. It looked like for much of Sunday, Abie was going to be an unhappy camper. But then Derrick Henry awoke, remembered that he is literally a man playing amongst boys and made the Seahawks D looks like Bishop Sycamore for much of the second half. You remember how the whole stadium would yell at Forrest Gump to run, and then he’d go 95 yards to the house untouched until the fans yelled to stop? It was essentially that. Thankfully Derrick’s IQ exceeds 75. Pat Mahomes only scored 23, which for a mortal QB is more like a 13 point game, so I guess he kind of stinks now. DHop scored 13 points through the first quarter and then didn’t record a single target the rest of the game. Didn’t matter. Honestly, the rest of Abie’s team did nothing spectacular. Nothing bad obviously, but a lot of meh performances, nothing to write home about. But I like him better than Brent and so for at least one more week, Abie is king of the castle.

Biggest Rise: Buffalo Bonez
Biggest Fall: Beans Corp

That’s all she wrote on week 2. Come back next week to see where your team lands after what is sure to be an entertaining week 3. Don’t go spending all your FAAB all in one place. And as always, Go League!