Power Rankings: Week 3

I apologize for posting this a few days later than normal. It’s been an absolutely crazy last 72 hours for your fearless leader, but I made a commitment to you all and there was no way in Hell I was allowing the power rankings to wait another day. Bear with me, my brain is still fried from getting Xuong’d in the early morning hours of Wednesday (I’ll explain what that means at a later date), so my attempts at humor may prove futile. Anyway, let’s jump start this weeks power ranking with our number 10…

#10. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Pervious Ranking: 8)
The early part of the season has not been kind to our league newcomer and groom-to-be. As with each of the first 2 weeks, Brad’s team was not able to muster much despite Saquon’s biggest game of the season. Unfortunately for Brad, Kyler Murray allowed other AZ Cardinals to score touchdowns against the Jags, and couldn’t meet his lofty projections – which pretty much doomed Brad from the start of Sunday. I have to mention that Brad was also victimized by the first case of the the Will Fuller effect on the season, see Rondale Moore. Brandon McManus and Keenan Allen kept this one from being an absolute blowout, but things have to turn around quickly for Brad or else he’ll be playing for draft position come the second half. Oh wait, this is fantasy football so that doesn’t even matter. Sucks to be Brad I guess.

#9. The Martian’s – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 6)
There were quite a few teams in the running for this spot and from my point of view, the next 5 or so ranked teams are all pretty similar and depending on the week can fall anywhere. For now, I’ll put Marzy here mainly because I think looking forward, his team will struggle the most. The Martian’s only have 3 RBs on their team, two of which are not even #1 options in a RB by committee system, a concerning lack of depth. Ryan is very deep at WR however, so maybe a trade could be had? This week, Playoff Marz got burned by TB defense, Terry and CeeDee, all of whom missed their projections. Russell Wilson wasn’t great either. Outside of Davante, no other notable performances from the Martian’s. I’m already bored of looking at his team so I’ll just move on.

#8. The Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 10)
Finally picking up his first win of the season was enough to move the Nordic’s up 2 spots in the rankings, even though they remain the lowest scoring team that does not play their games in South Jersey. The story of last week was the timely trade that saw Kris balance out his team and acquire one of the premier WR-QB combos in the NFL with Diggs and Allen, adding a decent RB in Chris Carson, while shipping out Kelce. Got all that? Anyway, Kris took down the roomie Jack and dropped a pretty average 122 points. I think the Bears offense is gonna suck going forward which is bad news for Montgomery and Allen Robinson. Honestly, if not for Aaron Jones and Josh Allen, Kris probably loses this week more often than not. But, 8th is still better than 10th, so keep up the good work pal.

#7. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 9)
Joining us on the Podcast this week, Max came out spitting facts about Mike Williams. I am sorry I ever doubted him. With Justin Herbert slingin’ it, Magic Mike has enjoyed a start to the season that parallels the likes of Jerry Rice, Terrell Owens and Pablo Sanchez. So after making that admission, Max’s team on paper is good enough to jump up 2 spots here. I still don’t love a Kamara/Elijah Mitchell running back room. Starting 2 Minnesota WRs is a dicey situation, escpecially when one of them is the previously unheard of KJ Osbourne. I think Max often times tries to get too cute and outsmart himself with his decision making. Just look at the fact that he’s been in on every random RB that makes news even though they suck (LeVeon Bell, Kerryon Johnson, Devonta Freeman). All are worthless as fantasy options. Moving on.

#6. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 7)
Looks like Bean’s finally figured out they key to victory – score only 108 points! Well, that works when you go against Brad. Anyway, Beanso is finally off the schnide mainly because Justin Herbert finds playing NFL football too easy. D’Andre Swift continues to roll and Arizona was the defensive pickup of the week (I should’ve dropped some FAAB on that one). Not much else went right for Beansy but it didn’t matter, this game was over the moment it started. It’ll be a slog for the next couple weeks as Brendan has to work around CMC’s hammy, shocked he wasn’t in play more for Chuba Hubbard. This is why we handcuff! James White also is out for the season now, not that you would play him much anyway.

#5. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 5)
126 points and a victory over the Martians was enough for the Buffalo’s to hold onto the #5 spot for another week. Najee Harris, Austin Ekeler and Justin Jefferson all rock and rolled, combining for half of Tommy’s point total. 14 points is very respectable for shitty Mike Evans, don’t count on it every week. The bad this week were Noah Fant and Ty’Son Chicken Williams, but nothing you can really do about that. Tommy got some good news with OBJ back to provide some depth for that flex position, so something to look at going forward.

#4. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 1)
Ouch, it was tough to be Abie’s team in more ways than one. The 69ers finally dropped their first game of the season in week 3 to Max, but the story of this matchup was the damage done to Abie’s lineup. DHop, Julio and Sterling Shepard are all banged up and their availability in the immediate future is in doubt. Not exactly what you wanna see when your top 2 WRs on the bench are currently on IR. As I write this, I see Abie is already scrambling to add depth and picked up slot gawd Hunter Renfroe out of Vegas for $11. Hey Abie, I’ll take Derrick Henry off your hands if you want to try and work something out. Throw in a bad week for TJ Hockenson and Patrick Mahomes (by his standards), Abie was only able to muster a measly 106 points on Sunday. Tough sledding ahead.

#3. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 3)
Hey Jack, maybe come up with a fancy chart that will help you win games? I kid, I kid, you do a great job with your weekly content. Sadly, the same couldn’t be said for the JTT2.0’s on Sunday. While you were out experimenting with some mind altering drugs and listening to Fall Out Boy or whatever the fuck you do at GovBall, your team was falling apart on the field. Still waiting on that breakout game from Jonathan Taylor? Cause it wasn’t this week. Tyreek, Singletary, Kenyan Drake, Deebo and Tyler Lockette all struggled mightily. Save for Tom Brady scoring a bunch of garbage time touchdowns and a pick 6 and 3 turnovers by the Saints D, it could’ve been an all time bad week. Heck, they happen. Jack’s still the #3 highest scoring team on the season so no need to hit the panic button just yet.

#2. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 2)
This one hurts to look at, but as someone who likes to see Brent suffer a little bit, I am happy nonetheless. Brent was 2.02 points awat from being this weeks highest scorer for the 2nd time on the season… and still managed to lose a close one. I honestly thought this was a wrap after the 1:00 games on Sunday, but Cooper Kupp and the Bronco’s D had other thoughts. Things couldn’t have been closer heading into MNF, with the Cowboys triplets within striking distance of pulling off a comeback. Zeke and Dak had good games, but fortunately/unfortunately Amari Cooper had one of those weeks were he disappeared and it wasn’t enough. Joe Mixon, Kyle Pitts and AJ Brown all disappeared for large stretches of their game. Not even the longest kick in LeagueStory (thanks for that portmanteau @Jack) could bail out the Brent’s on this one. And like that, no undefeated teams remain.

#1. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 4)
Well, we all knew this one was coming. For the second year in a row, I went on the pod and guaranteed that I’d hand Brent his first loss of the season. And for the second year in a row, I delivered. No Dalvin Cook, no Darrell Henderson, No Josh Jacobs, it didn’t matter. Alexander Mattison is the best handcuff in the NFL (thanks Max – how’s Parris Campbell treating you?). I picked up Emmanuel Sanders for FREE on Sunday morning cause I had a bad feeling about starting James Conner. Well Conner managed 17 points, but Sanders dropped 23 and that was the difference between victory and defeat for Da Commish. DK finally DK’d for the first time in 3 weeks, and CEH got the message after I put him on blast after week 2. Just don’t fumble next week please! Godwin and Hurts did alright, but Jonnu didn’t. He’s already gone as I picked up Dawson Knox, Go Bills. Anyway, let’s keep the good times rolling with a week 4 pounding of Abie.

Biggest Rise: Thomas and Friends
Biggest Fall: HOCKEYPRO69/The Martian’s

After 3 weeks, thing are pretty much shaping up to what I expected. The two preseason favorites, Brent and myself, are at the top. Ryan is not. Still, a loooong way to go so don’t get discouraged. First and last place are separated by only 1 game – a league first! Anyway, I gotta take a nap as I’m still running on fumes. Enjoy Joe Burrow and Trevor Lawrence tonight before their respective offensive lines have them hospitalized with broken ribs.

Go League.