Wow. What a freaking bloodbath. Scary season is officially upon us, and The League did its best to join in. There were more than a few ugly, horrifying performances this week and it’ll take a proper fantasy brained genius to analyze it all. Fortunately for everyone, I fit that bill. So in keeping up with this week’s theme, allow me to put on my Victor Frankenstein hat and dissect the monster that I created, beginning as always with number 10….
#10. South Jersey 4th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Previous Ranking: 10)
A moral victory! Unfortunately, they don’t count any extra in fantasy as they do in the real sport. Still, I must acknowledge the vast improvement in the Bradley’s this week, even if they dropped a big one to Kris. 115 point is normally a meh game, but still a 30-point improvement over what I predicted on this week’s pod. Kyler was back doing Kyler things, playing like an MVP frontrunner in a blowout at the Dawg Pound. Also, it appears the Phins got a good one in Jaylen Waddle, 24 for #17 across the pond. And the biggest story of the week was R. Stevenson (not even bothering to lookup that first name) rewarding Brad’s faith in giving him the rarest of starts and finding the endzone against Dallas of all teams. That must’ve felt good. Hell, even Zach Ertz scored in the double digits. I want to keep Brad’s write-up a positive one, so I won’t mention his shortcomings, but nonetheless, still something to build off as we near the season’s mid-way point.
#9. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 8)
The era of good feelings for Beans Corp fans lasted all of one week. It was one step forward, three steps back. At a glance, the final score of our game was much closer than the actual competitiveness, as some late garbage time touchdowns from Robby Anderson, Courtland Sutton and D’Andre Swift moved Bean’s projected points from like 85 to 105. Anywho, I already mentioned what went right, now let’s discuss what went wrong — which was pretty much everything else. Brendan was victimized by usual culprits Jerrick McKinnon, Miles Sanders and Robby Anderson, the last of whom can’t escape the ghosts of Sam Darnold. Poor guy. Last week’s hottest waiver addition Kadarious Toney was doomed from the day he put on a Giants jersey and he naturally got hurt. However, the biggest disappointment had to come from Justin Herbert who could only muster 11 against Baltimore. While Bean’s tries to ast least stay afloat without CMC for another couple weeks, hopefully the rest of his squad can step it up.
#8. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 7)
Have the wheels finally fallen’ off for everyone’s favorite Southerner? Maxwell, who has recently navigated some tough sledding and still managed a 3-2 start through 5 games, ran into a hungry Brent and absolutely got his teeth kicked in by the defending champ. It was always going to be a tall order this week with Kamara/Ridley out on byes, but I would’ve liked to see more of a competitive fight put up by the Waller’s. Channeling his inner Gene Hackman, Max trudged out the Replacements, led by Kareem Hunt (who promptly got hurt), Zack Moss, Devonte Booker and Tim Patrick. Obviously, this strategy did not work and the actually good players on Max’s team were unable to dig him out of an early hole. Mike Williams had the most obvious Mike William’s game of all time. At least Rodgers and Thielen both are playing well. Anyway, Max has already emphasized his need of a quality RB and is looking for a trading partner, so perhaps a new look roster for next week’s game will be just the need Max needs to right the ship.
#7. The Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 9)
Is Kris back??? It appears for at least one week that is the case. Who knew that all you need to remedy a slow fantasy start is to face Brad? It was the CeeDee Lamb show that led Kris past the aforementioned Brad with 31 big ones in his inaugural game as a Nordic. What’s this now? Leonard Fournette is suddenly good at football? I guess a little bit of Tom Brady’s greatness has rubbed off on the Tampa RB. The Rams defense against a mush-brained Daniel Jones was the most obvious play of all time. Seriously, Kris should be locked up for taking advantage of a super concussed man like that (but all kidding aside someone on the Giants needs to be fired for that decision). The Packers dynamic duo was rock solid with 30 points and Chubba Hubbard continued to take advantage of playing time in CMC’s absence. Kris was burned by the Myles Gaskin experience again, sad, but the rest of his team performed well enough to double his win total in a laugher. Watch out boys.
#6. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 6)
Is Ryan back… to being bad at fantasy??? For at least one week, it also appears to be the case. Sorry Marz. The Martians suffered from one of their worst scoring outputs of the season, dropping a stinky 91 points in an easy defeat by Abie. Due to unfortunate injuries to his QB depth, Ryan was forced to play the other triplets out of the NFC East – Taylor Heinicke, Antonio Gibson and Scary Terry. The three combined for just over 17 points, or about half of what Derrick Henry dropped on them. Not a great ratio. Melvin Gordon is still a thing. Sadly, it appears we were all duped by Tyler Boyd’s fast start to the season. He, as expected, has turned it around – which is to say he’s back to being bad. The good was Stefon Diggs, Mark Andrews and Dionte Johnson. Hopefully we’ll be able to chalk up this week’s performance to unfortunate injury luck and Ryan will be back to selling #PlayoffMarz t-shirts. We’re all rooting for you. At least Ryan hit that monster parlay so maybe he’s this week’s big winner after all?
#5. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 4)
Just edging out the previously mentioned Marzy, my man Tommy Bonez must be kicking himself this week after barely losing a very winnable game against Jack to extend his losing streak another week. The ten-point deficit he suffered can be attributed to playing the wrong QB for the second week in a row, but this time it was Lamar who let down the Buffalos with a disappointing 11 points. Somehow, the Ravens still managed to blow out LAC, even though Hollywood Brown disappointed his way to 5.5 points. Notch this one as a victory for Vigs in my never-ending beef with Mike Evans, I told you he stinks! Seems like only Najee and Noah Fant got the memo that Bonez needed to pick up a dub this week, so good for those guys. The rest of his lineup, not so much. Again, the bench warriors, namely Alex Collins, Latavius Murray and Matt Stafford would’ve been enough to get Tommy the win. Perhaps Bonez should stop wasting his time and money fixing up his condo and instead invest instead in a time-machine. I wish you good fortunate as you set your lineup for Sunday. Actually, we play each other so please pick the wrong QB again 😊.
–Prepare for something wild–
#1. (4-way tie) Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 3)
Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 2)
The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 4)
HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 1)
Woooh, what the fuck happened here? Let me fill you in. I’ve been staring at the fantasy app and the top 4 teams for about an hour and a half; analyzing, ranking, and re-ranking them — and making my head spin. Honestly, you can make a fair case for ranking any of these teams in some combination of one through four. Since I can’t make up my mind, and for the sake of finishing this column and getting back to work, I’m just gonna go ahead and lump them all together. So, congrats to Abie, Brent, Jack and myself on being ingrained in history as the first four-way tie atop Da Commish’s power rankings. Let me state my case for each one:
Abie: Has the best record, but only 4th most points scored. Capitalizing on the easiest schedule, Abie has gotten off to a rip-roaring start despite injuries decimating his RB/WR room. Once the 69ers are at full strength, Abie will be very much in the running to take the championship belt from his Albany brethren…
Brent: The “anti-Abie”. Brent has benefitted from the highest scoring team but has suffered from the second-hardest schedule. Add that up and you get a 3-3 record, the worst of the 4 teams tied for the top. However, Brent should benefit from playing in the opposite division as Abie, Jack and I and is clearly the top dawg in our Eastern division.
Jack: My gganbu and writer of the two-best columns on this blog, Jack has my vote as the early front-runner for Coach of the Year. I’m convinced he’s got some kind of super Excel formula running his team like Jonah Hill in Moneyball. Whatever he’s doing, it’s working. Tied for second in both best record and for most points scored, plus throw in a head-to-head victory against Da Commish, the JTT2.0’s makes a strong case for the number one spot.
Me (Da Commish): Who is Jack tied with for second best record and points scored? That would be yours truly. I basically make the same case as above for Jack. Interestingly, I am the only one of the 4 teams to have a H2H matchup with each of the others, accounting for both of my losses in high scoring affairs (to Jack and Abie respectively). Anyway, it’s my rankings, so I’m always gonna find an excuse to give me the top spot.
There you have it, an unprecedented four-way tie for the #1 spot. I hope you all recognize the history that was made here. One more sleep till week 7 kicks off with a lousy Baker-less Browns v. the Broncos. I’ll probably pass since I have no one going. The Knicks tip-off in their opener tonight so that will be cool. I’ll be splitting my commissioner duties for the time being between The League and fantasy basketball. Don’t worry though, The League and #MBS will always be my first love.
Go League!
Must Be Sunday 