I’d like to dedicate this opening paragraph to the Ravens D for allowing me to beat Bonez. -6 points is pretty hard to do, but you all picked the perfect week for a stinker. I’d also like to thank the NFL schedule makers for putting Buffalo on a bye and forcing Tommy to pick up Baltimore. I couldn’t have pulled it out this week without your combined efforts.
Now that I got that out of the way, it’s time to revisit our weekly power rankings. This is probably the least movement we’ve seen in 7 weeks as teams start to distance themselves from the rest of the pack. Remember, these are only my opinion. Things may turn out very differently at the end of the season. So with that said, let’s get going with our 10 spot…
10. South Jersey 4th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Previous Ranking: 10)
– See previous power ranking posts-
For the sake of time, not going to go to in depth on this one. You all know why Brad’s team is ranked as low as it is. His team is perfect combination of just plain bad and decimated by injuries. He won’t be leaving the #10 spot for quite some time. Moving on.
9. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 9)
Let me paraphrase the late, great, former Mets manager Yogi Berra — “It’s getting late early around here.” Brendan must start winning some ball games and soon before he finds himself too far out of the playoff picture. Desperate times call for desperate measures and my sources are telling me Beanso is willing to trade coveted TE1 Travis Kelce in an attempt to overhaul his roster and turn this ship around. Will he find a suitor? Stay tuned. Anyway, week 7 was not kind to my podcast co-host, losing a backbreaker to Max. Down his RB1, it was the other RBs on Brendan’s squad that picked up the slack with Swift and Harries both going for over 20. Derek Carr filled in nicely for Justin Herbert and Brendan smartly played the Pats D against my New York football Jets. That game was a massacre. Where did it go wrong? Look no further than the garbage WRs crop Brendan had to trot out there. Robby Anderson, Courtland Sutton and Marquez Callaway all scored in the single digits, yuck. I like ya Beans, so I’m rooting for a quick recovery for CMC. But something has to be done and quick to fix this mess.
#8. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 6)
Fuckkkk. This one hurt to write. After a hot start, my man Marzy has suddenly gone ice-cold, dropping each of the last two games without cracking the 110-mark in either. A painful defeat to Kris has seen Ryan drop to below .500 and currently out of the playoff picture. The Bucs D played their little hearts out to keep Ryan in the game, forcing 6 (six) Justin Fields turnovers. Christian Kirk, Scary Terry and Tannehill also outperformed their projections in the defeat. Ryan was doomed by poor performances from the normally reliable Mark Andrews and Antonio Gibson, while surprising starters Henry Ruggs and Mecole Hardman played their way back onto the bench for next week. I guess I can say that Melvin Gordon was ok. Good, not great. Anyway, let’s see if Marzy has any tricks up his sleeve as he looks to upset the #1 seed Jack in week 8. Do you believe in Miracles?
#7. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 8)
Alright, I’ll let you get your wisecracks out of the way. Yes, Max has a winning record. No, I don’t hate Max. I love Max. But despite his early returns this season, I still don’t think his team is better than any of the top 6 teams on this list, and these are my power ranking so what I say goes. Don’t like it? I invite you to write your own. Anyway, he is 8th out of 10 in scoring after all. Besides Kamara, his RBs are Devonta Booker, Elijah Mitchell, Mark Ingram and Rashad Penny. Granted, to their credit, Booker and Mitchell has good games on Sunday and lead Max to victory over Beans, but I’m sorry… I don’t see Max having a deep playoff run unless he addresses that weakness. In a massive shakeup, Max is shipping out of town his namesake Darren Waller, along with Calvin Ridley, and taking in Mike Evans and Noah Fant. Well, Mike Evans sucks and Noah Fant is a downgrade from Darren Waller, so I’m going to hand Maxwell a fat L on that one. I hope I’m wrong, but when it comes to fantasy, I rarely am.
#6. Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 7)
Welp, we let it happen. Kris is officially back and out for blood. Well, back might be a bit of a stretch since he only scored 111 point this week, but it was still enough to beat Ryan in a low-scoring affair and double Kris’s winning streak to 2 games. Faced with a depleted roster from bye weeks and injuries, Kris ran the B squad out in week 7, rolling with Matt Ryan at QB, Hunter Henry at TE and Myles Gaskin at the flex. All three respectively met/exceeded their projections, so that’s a good roster management right there. Who did not meet projections you ask? That would be Chubba Hubbard, Aaron Jones, Jarvis and Rams D. The last on is surprising considering they played the Lions, but Dan Campbell and his cocaine infused gameplan seemed to thwart whatever Los Angeles threw at them Sunday. Davante Adams and the rebirth of Leonard Fournette in Tampa are both fantasy studs and Nick Folk kicked a big 13 points to get Kris over the hump and into the W column. I like Kris’s team moving forward, especially with David Montgomery soon to return. Did we fuck up by not burying Kris when we had the chance? Let’s hope not.
#5. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 5)
The Buffalo’s thankfully got DK Metcalf’d on Monday night and dropped their 3 straight after a hot start to the fantasy season. I’m not going to punish Bonez greatly for this one however, as it was a tall order going against one of the best teams in The League (me) without 4 key players on byes, Austin Ekeler, Najee Harris, Justin Jefferson, and the Bills D. Things looked bleak for the Bones’s after Noah Fant’s poor Thursday, but his Ravens duo of Lamar and Hollywood Brown linked up for a long TD and things turned around. Sadly, the rest of the Ravens weren’t so kind for Tommy, their defense got blitzkrieg’d by the mighty Bungals and took 6 points away from Tommy’s team total. I should’ve had this one wrapped up, but then Mike Evans happened. It was destiny for this to happen to me. I talk a lot of shit about you Mikey, but you bested me on Sunday. Three (3) tuddies, including Touchdown Tommy’s 600th were nearly enough to pull off the upset. I’d also like to thank Ryan Succop for blowing a gimme 30-yard FG in that same Bucs game, or else I’d have been sweating it out even worse on Monday night. Anywho, Thomas now is the proud owner of one Calvin Ridley and Darren Waller, so let’s see if that is the recipe to get him back in the win column.
#4. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: Tied for 1st)
Sorry about this one Abie. After last week’s unprecedented 4-way tie for the #1 spot, inevitably someone was going to have to be this week’s big loser. In a Battle of the Titans, the 69ers laid their first real egg of the season, barely eclipsing the 100-point mark in a 60-point thrashing by Brent which dropped our man out of The League’s top seed. Pat Mahomes was seeing ghosts as he and the Chiefs got their teeth kicked in by the real-life Titans. Fortunately, it appears he escaped that game with just a bad head bruise and will be good to go for week 8. Speaking of those Titans, Derrick Henry had a pedestrian game by his standards, mustering only 15 in that blowout win. DHop, Michael Pittman and Cardinals D all performed well and, as a Jets fan, I was encouraged by what I saw from Michael Carter, who was just about the only positive thing you can take out of that abysmal showing up in Foxboro. I think Julio Jones is suffering from a case of being too damn old to still be kicking in the NFL. The poor guy is constantly hurt or underperforming in a run-heavy Tennessee offense. Not all bad news for Abie, however, as it appears some of his key guys may be back this week to help a thin WR room. Jerry Jeudy, Sterling Shephard and perhaps Michael Thomas may all see action on Sunday. Fortunately, Abie’s got Beans Corp this week so I forecast only a one-week slip-up before he returns to his winning ways.
#3. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: Tied for 1st)
Whew. I’ll be the first to admit that I barely skated by this week against a bye-week ravaged Tommy Bonez. Overall, my team’s performance this week left a sour taste in my mouth, but a win is a win, so I won’t apologize. 121 points, a season low, was barely enough to squeak it out, but that’s now 5 W’s out of the last 6 for those scoring at home. I owe it all too my main man Jalen Hurts, fantasy’s #2 QB. Can’t believe y’all didn’t veto that trade. I don’t think he’s a good QB, but he puts up a lot of garbage time points to churn out these overall solid fantasy numbers which is the only thing that matters to me, so in my eyes he’s a lock for Canton. He added a late touchdown in a blowout loss to the Raiders in a week I needed every point I could get. Speaking of those Raiders, I lost Josh Jacobs at halftime after he put up a big first half. He’s on a bye this week so hopefully he’ll be ready to go for week 9. Chris Godwin is a freaking stud and DK Metcalf did just enough (barely) on Monday Night to get me this win. However, my RBs took a hit as Darrell Henderson and Darrel Williams put out unusually poor performances. I still have ace in the hole Khalil Herbert so I’m not too worried. Anyway, I got Brad this week (pencil me in for an easy dub) so I’m already looking ahead to week 9 where I got a big matchup against the Nordics. Let’s keep the good times rolling.
#2. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: Tied for 1st)
If the season ended today, the fantasy playoffs would run through Ardsley Drive. That’s sports banter for Jack is the #1 seed. Fortunately for everyone, the season does not end today. Unfortunately, Jack’s team looks almost unbeatable. Deebo Samuel, Tyreek Hill and Jamarr Chase form probably the best WR tandem of any team. It doesn’t even matter that Tyler Lockette now stinks without Russell Wilson. Jonathan Taylor is quickly ascending into Derrick Henry territory, he’s an absolute stud behind that Colts offensive line. I can’t believe Cordarrelle Patterson is a weekly RB play, I don’t even have a witty joke I can make about him. He’s just flat out good. And then there’s Tom Brady, who at age 44 is the fantasy QB1. I hate this guy more than any athlete that has ever played a second of professional sports, but I’d be remiss to not admit what he’s doing in year 20 of the NFL is astonishing. I still have questions/concerns about the depth of Jack’s roster (Mike Davis?, Devin Singletary?, Jamaal Williams?) but the JTT2.0’s should have built up a sizeable enough lead that he should have a playoff spot wrapped up quickly. Let’s hope nothing happens to JT.
#1. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: Tied for 1st)
He’s big, he’s bad and he’s back as the sole owner of the #1 spot on Da Commish’s power rankings. A convincing 60 point victory against the former #1 seed 69er’s is enough to break the four way tie and earn The Flandrew’s the top spot; and he did it all without his top dawgs on the Cowboys. It was a different two-headed monster that got Brent going on Sunday, Joey B and Mixon absolutely crushed Baltimore in convincing fashion. The old two TE play worked out just fine, Pitts and Goedert went for 30 points. AJ Brown is seemingly healthy and back to his old ways and what can be said about Cooper Kupp? I still kick myself for taking Josh Jacobs over him at the draft. You know it’s a good fantasy week when you’ve done everything right, meaning that your all-Pro kicker, Justin Tucker, was the lowest scorer for the week. I kinda want James Conner back, we’ll talk. Anyway, look for Brent to continue his winning ways now that he survived the Cowboys bye week and will have Antonio Brown back soon. Congrats on the top spot bud.
Biggest Rise: Norse Horse/Waller Nothing
Biggest Fall: HOCKEYPRO69
There you go. No longer a 4 way-tie at the top. Everyone ranked unbiasedly one through ten just like a power ranking is supposed to. We’re officially at the regular season’s half-way point so things are starting to get dicey, just the way I like it. We got a good one to kick-off week 8 as the Packers take on the NFC leading Cardinals. Anyway, see you all at the Lake House (facetime us Max) for a nice weekend of boozing, comradery, and more than enough fantasy banter that’ll make all non-League members want to rip their heads off, I’m sure. Well, it’s their loss.
Go League!
Must Be Sunday 