Power Rankings: Week 12 (Tier List!!)

What up folks? Hope everyone’s Thanksgiving went better than mine. Considering I was the lowest scoring team for the 3rd time in 4 weeks, its not hard to believe that yours wasn’t. I am sad. But, I wanted to keep things fresh and interesting on the blog (coupled with the fact that I don’t want to dive too deep into my team’s pathetic performance), so I figured I’d do this week’s Power Rankings a little differently. Introducing, Da Commish’s Official Tier List. Similarly, to the Official Power Rankings, this tier list will highlight each team’s strengths and flaws, while allowing for a quick comparison and grouping of teams into similarly ranked tiers. Honestly, I’m just doing things differently this week to prevent me from jumping off the deep end. I know, it’s sad that fantasy football has ruined my life. But this is the life we’ve chosen.

Tier 1: The Stand-Up Comedian

• South Jersey 4^th & Schlong (Brad Pedditto)

Kicking us off to nobody’s surprise, Brad has officially clinched last place in The League and is now preparing for his big night behind the mic. By now, he must own every record of League futility, including a record 11 game losing streak. The most fucked up thing is Brad has actually been one of the better performing teams the past month or so, yet he still manages to go against the wrong guy every week. I mean compare his team to mine over the last 4 weeks. It’s a true perfect storm of bad injury luck, bad scheduling breaks, and just being plan bad. For this, he deserves a tier of his own.

Tier 2: Teams That Are Declared Dead

• Thomas and Friends (Andrew Vignali)
• Beans Corp (Brendan Cahill)
• HOCKEYPRO69 (Abie Leider)

Yep, I’m good with calling this group officially dead. Well, Beans is literally dead, as he’s assured himself of missing the playoffs with his 4-8 record. Having CMC go down early, then trading for an injured Alvin Kamara, he has gotten a game out of his first-round pick since like late September. Sad. With even worse injury luck is my man Abie. You know already how bad it’s been (Derrick Henry, Michael Thomas, Raheem Mostert, Julio Jones). I can go on and on. Abie has lost like 4 out of 5 and his team has been performing worse and worse each week. Then there’s Da Commish. Everyone on my team has performed awfully for an extended period of time. Jalen, DK, Godwin, Dalvin, Jacobs… they all suck. I also pick the wrong TE to play each week. Anyway, I’ve scored under 100 in 3 out of the last 4. Fuck.

Tier 3: It Might Not Be Too Late To Turn Things Around

• The Martian (Ryan O’Connell)
• Norse Horse (Kris Blaine)

Both teams are still alive in the playoff race… barely. But at least they are trending in the right direction. Kris got bailed out by trading Chris Carson for CeeDee Lamb and Davante Adams. Ryan, had you only held on to the two, your team might be in a playoff spot right now. Ryan’s team is decent enough with Scary Terry, Gibson, Stefon Diggs and Mark Andrews, that he can do some damage should he squeak into a playoff spot. He just needs to pray to God he can win each of these last two weeks, while someone ahead of him drops 2 each. It’ll help if Russell Wilson remembers how to QB in the meantime.

Tier 4: I Don’t Know If They Are Good But They Are Certainly Better Than Me

• Bama Butts (Max Cohan)
• Buffalo Bonez (Thomas Antonello)

This tier is pretty self-explanatory. As of right now, Max and Thomas are the 3^rd and 4^th best teams in The League. They each possess solid, deep teams. Neither has many holes and it would not be overly shocking for either team to go on deep playoff runs. They can beat just about anybody any given week. It’ll be interesting to see how things shake out with CMC going down for the year for Max, and Calvin Ridley seemingly quitting on the Falcons and Tommy Bonez. But for now, this grouping feels just right.

Tier 5: Very Good Team But Not as Good As Jack

• The Flandrew’s (Brent Gotkin)

There’s only one Jack, so Brent will have to do with being in a tier of his own. He’s had a pretty tumultuous season. The top guys on his team are all having outstanding seasons – Cooper Kupp, Joe Mixon and James Conner (you’re welcome). On the other hand, Zeke, Amari Cooper and AJ Brown have been very hit or miss. I’d say, Brent’s team probably possesses the most depth, and its only gotten stronger with Kareem Hunt back and Antonio Brown coming back soon. He’s been fucked with a lot of points against him, accounting for his poor record. But its clear that Brent will be a force in the playoffs.

Tier 6: Godly

• Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 (Jack Staub)

Simply put, Jack’s team is about as perfectly assembled as one can be. He absolutely nailed the draft by finding the QB4, RB1 and WRs 2,3 and 6. He added the best waiver pickup of the year early in the season (Cordarrelle Patterson) and has for the most part has skated by without many injuries to deal with – which we all now is just as important .as anything It didn’t even matter that George Kittle missed most of the season. He’s on like a 10 game winning streak and has all but locked up the #1 seed throughout the playoffs. Rightfully, he deserves the top tier all to himself.

Well, I hoped you enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it (which is to say not at all). Another week kicks off in 24 hours with the Boys v the Saints from the SuperDome. Yeah, I know I already declared myself #dead… but I really need to win this week or I’m in huge trouble. Best of luck to everyone in the weeks to come and as always…

Go League!