I think I got my swagger back. Ohhhhh. Ohhhhhhh. The fantasy playoffs are almost here and I’m as giddy as a little schoolboy. Plus, I also clinched a spot in the postseason. Go me! Anyway, since I enjoy writing these shorter Tier Lists better than the full team Power Rankings, I figured I’m just going to keep doing it. Don’t like it? Fuck you, pay me. I do this shit for the love of The League, fantasy football and your enjoyment. Oh, and the belt. I’m bringing that shit home.
Tier 1: The Worst Shit I’ve Ever Seen
- South Jersey 4th & Schlong (Brad Peditto)
Yep, I’m going pretty blunt right out of the gate here. The Bradley’s are thiiiiiis close to cementing themselves as the proud owners of the worst performance in LeagueStory. Jack, pull up the data for me, but has anyone ever settled for a single measley win in The League? Not even Marzy’s inaugural 2018 team suffered this fate. To make matters worse, Keenan Allen is out with Covid this week. At least our man faces Thomas, the one team he has taken down, in a last-ditch attempt to right the ship.
Tier 2: Only Reason They Aren’t in Tier 1 Is Because Brad Exists
- Beans Corp (Brendan Cahill)
To say things didn’t go right for Beans Corp in the ’21 season would be an understatement. The highlight of course was winning the Royal Rumble. Since that fateful July night, everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. We call that Murphy’s Law. Fortunately, Justin Herbert, CMC and De’Andre Swift played enough games for Beans to win at least a few games (the latter two he unceremoniously shipped off to Max in the biggest trade The League has ever seen). But at no point in this season was my co-host ever threatening to make a run for the belt. Expect some big changes this offseason.
Tier 3: Barely Breathing… But Alive
- Bama Butts (Max Cohan)
- HOCKEYPRO69 (Abie Leider)
- Norse Horse (Kris Blaine)
- The Martians (Ryan O’Connell)
What do these four teams have in common? Well, they got everything to play for this week. A victory on Sunday and they’re likely to land a spot among the “Sexy 6” teams playoff bound. Suffer a loss and its bye-bye, sayonara, thanks for playing. Think of it this way… if you lose on Sunday, you basically wasted the last 12 weeks of a life. Abie and Max currently have the slight upper hand, both at 7 wins compared to Ryan and Kris’s 6. However, Ryan and Kris own tiebreakers over their counterparts, both outscoring the aforementioned on the year. Got all that? If you don’t, it’s ok. Listen to this week’s episode of League Talk where we break it all down.
Tier 4: Good, Solid Teams
- Thomas and Friends (Andrew Vignali)
- Buffalo Bonez (Thomas Antonello)
This tier is pretty self-explanatory. Thomas and I are both good, solid teams. That’s why we land where we do. Now I’m not saying we’re the best, but we’re definitely far from the worst. We both have rightfully earned our playoff spots (technically Thomas hasn’t clinched but it would take a minor miracle for Bonez to miss the playoffs – he’d have to lose to Brad!!). Thomas and I are both deep at the right positions, RB-WR-QB. And it wouldn’t be particularly shocking if either of us make a deep playoff run. That’s pretty much all I have to say about that. Moving on.
Tier 5: The Defending Champ
- The F’landrew’s (Brent Gotkin)
Fresh off a monster cuck job courtesy of Javaonte Williams of all people, the defending champion has clinched his playoff spot and is looking particularly dangerous. The biggest, baddest guy in both the bar and in The League, Brent is looking prime to do the one thing nobody has had the good fortune to ever do… go back-to-back. Stacked with the best WR, 3 top RBs, a solid group of TEs and a one of the top QBs, our man has it all. He’s kicking ass and taking names.
Tier 6: The Vegas Favorite
- Jonathan Taylor 2.0 (Jack Staub)
Was he the best player available at the time, or did Jack just want to reuse his fantasy name for the second year in a row? Whatever his reasoning was, Jack ended up taking JT with the fateful 7th overall pick last August and looks like a fucking genius now. That’s right folks. Jack is currently going at -1000 to win his first League championship and take home this year’s prize money and Championship belt. All odds provided by DraftKings. It’s not hard to see why. He’s got like 5 of the top 10 players in fantasy this year when you include Brady, Patterson, Chase, Deebo and Tyreek Hill. Fuck, even George Kittle is rolling now. Honestly, I don’t see how my man loses unless lightning strikes the Colts practice facility and causes Taylor to miss the rest of the season. Man, I hope I didn’t jinx him.
Boom. Tier list done. I’m now in playoff mode. An unprecedented 14th week of the regular season kicks off tomorrow with Steelers-Vikings? This game would’ve been a good one back in the 70’s, but is far from a marquee matchup in in 2021. Still, I’ll be glued to my television screen since I have Mattison going. Fuck I hate when that happens. Anyway, before I wrap this up – I have one last tidbit to conclude this week’s column. Below, I will be summarizing the different playoff/clinching scenarios to be on the lookout for this week. As you’ll see, everyone still has a meaningful game left.
Current Standings*:
- Jack – Clinched the first overall seed and bye
- Brent – Clinches 2nd seed and bye with a victory
- Andrew – Clinches 2nd seed with win and Brent loss
- Thomas – Clinches playoff spot with victory, or losses by at least 2 of Abie, Max, Kris and Ryan
- Max – Clinches playoff spot with victory, or losses by both Abie and Kris
- Abie – Clinches playoff spot with victory, or losses by both Kris and Ryan
- Kris – Clinches playoff spot with win and loss by either Max or Abie
- Ryan – Clinches playoff spot with win and losses by Abie and Kris
- Brendan – Can help me out by beating Brent
- Brad – Can do the unthinkable, beat Thomas and maybe keep him out of the playoffs (its possible)
*For simplicity/tiebreaking purposes, all scenarios assume the current tiebreaking order of Total Points. Everything can go out the window if one team leap frogs another in Points Scored*
Got all that? Good, great, grand.
Go League!
Must Be Sunday 