It’s August 9th so naturally I’ve done 15,000 mock drafts. I am seeing the board extremely clearly. 20/20 vision. I know what kicker you’re going to take. I know why you like that certain player and I know why you shouldn’t. I know who is going to start the quarterback rush. I know who is going early on Amon-Ra St. Brown. I know who is going to be diagnosed with Will Fuller Syndrome first. To quote Lil Wayne, “I can see the end in the beginning.”
You ever see Men in Black 3? I think it’s good. I saw it once. I don’t remember the specifics but there’s some character who can see into the future. I don’t know if he’s an alien or a Man in Black or what’s good with him but he can see the future, so he knows the Mets are going to win it all in ’69. Or something like that. Again, I saw it once and I live such a rockstar lifestyle I can’t remember too good. Anyway, assuming my memory of that character is correct I’m like that guy.
A couple days ago I was walking to the subway on my commute home from work and popped into one of those $5.00 psychic reading shops. I met with one of the psychics and she called me a colleague. We also shared a laugh over everyone we foresaw drafting Courtland Sutton far too early.
I don’t want to spoil anything for everyone else, so I’ll just issue a warning so everyone knows going into it – this draft is going to be weird. It seems like the board hasn’t changed a tremendously large amount in the last few years. Especially between 2020 and 2021. All the usual running backs, Devante, Kelce, etc. Straight forward. Easy. No more. Folks, we are in a new era of fantasy football.
Just look at the rankings! I hope you folks have been doing your homework. Have you seen all these wide receivers in the top 15? Cam Akers at 22? Nick Chubb at 33?!? It’s a whole new world!
Now, I’m pretty confident most of the boys are all in on running backs in the first round. 3-4 are fully committed to running backs in the second round two. There is going to be some high-quality receivers hanging around in round three.
There are huge question marks surrounding players ranked between 25-50. Barkley. Zeke. Dobbins. Terry. Gibson. Hollywood. DK. Truly, I think every single pick in rounds 3-5 are going to elicit “wooooaaaahhhhhh” and half the people will mean it was a good pick and half will mean it in a negative way. This is truly bonkers. I don’t think you realize how crazy this is going to be. The boys are finna have the zoomies. Max is going to take Mike Williams in the fourth round and I’m going to start floating. Ryan is going to draft JuJu in the fifth round and we are all going to start shuffling like that Jimmy Neutron episode when they can’t stop dancing. Is that a fake memory? Might be. Abie is going to take Brandin Cooks and Andrew is going to laugh at him but panic on the inside because he lowkey wanted Cooks for a good value. It’s going to be mayhem.
We are 18 days away. Let’s get weird.
Must Be Sunday 