Author: tommyxbonez

Good Afternoon Cucks and Cuckettes,

Before we get started, I would just like to say, I’m sorry. I know I missed the first two weeks of cuckings. Some may speculate that I did not write those cuck of the weeks because I was the cuck. But I’m here to clear the air…..jk, those who think that are completely right. Sue me, Idc, my *roommates* dad is a lawyer.

But anyway let’s get back to our regularly scheduled broadcast — The Cuck of the Week – Week 3 – Revenge of the Cuck 😈

Week 3 was a certified stinker for most teams and straight up forgettable except for the close game between two 0-2 squads — Ja’Marr-a-Lago Chase vs. Beans Corp. After a strong performance over the first 2 weeks, this week, Max decided to sit in the corner of a motel 6 room and watch Beans pump hot goo into his beloved team. With beans coming off the worst 2 weeks in league history — Jack, please fact check me — he decided to put on his suit of cuck armor and get to work. Kirk Cucksins put up a respectable 18 points, which nobody expected. But the real hero was Cuckdarrelle Paterson, who gave a smooth 21.8 pumps to beans, brining him to sweet sweet climax. You may look at the score and say, wow beans only won by 2.8 points, but let’s not forget he took out Zeke. A fine choice, Zeke is known to enjoy the sight of another man taking his balls (Bad Tony Pollard joke). Anyway, Max may be the cuck of the first 3 weeks after missing this layup against the Corp.

Max drops to 0-3 on the year while Beans gets his first victory, brining him to 1-2.

P.S. You may think this photo/caption does not line up with the plot of Star Wars Episode III; but a fact that many people don’t know is that Obi Cuck Kenobi has been trying to plow Padamé’s fields way before Anikan came into the picture.

P.S.S. We still need to vote on punishment; my vote is to gangbang the losers significant other, as is tradition.

P.S.S.S. Judge hit his 61st in Vladdy Jr’s house, what a nice host. I wonder if Vlad Jr has a hot GF he can share with judge for the night 🤡

Goooood morning league, welcome back to your favorite weekly program, legends of the hidden cuck. This week had a few subtle cuckings as well as one major cuck. Let’s start off by having a proper send off for our friends HOCKEYPRO 69 (Abie) & Bama Butts (Max), please play “I will remember you” by Sarah McLachlan while you read this statement. Thankyou both for the memories this year. Max — Thankyou for absolutely fucking my team with that Evans/Ridley trade, I will always remember your soft, caring touch while you cucked me. Abie — King Henry going down has you out of the playoffs but you’re still a champ in my mind, until next year.

This weeks cuck is Thomas and Friends (Andrew). After a stellar performance from his team, The Norse Horse (Kris) CAME IN LIKE A CUCKING BALLLLLLL and decimated his hopes of getting that first round bye. Maybe vigs should have spent more time managing his team and less time grinding on any female that looked his way at Santacon. Who are you, Urban Meyer? Kris’ team had a meeting Sunday morning and agreed to collectively cuck vigs. Regardless, he is in the playoffs but has to overcome The Martians (Ryan). Let’s all have a safe and fun yoffs.

As always we are sponsored by BetterHelp, before you drive full speed into a tree in an attempt to mangle your body beyond repair — like Jake Gyllenhaal in that boxing movie — call a therapist and explain why you feel like such a loser. Go League, Veni Vidi Vici.

Many Cucks, Bonez

P.s. @BetterHelp Pay Me