Category: Power Rankings

I apologize for posting this a few days later than normal. It’s been an absolutely crazy last 72 hours for your fearless leader, but I made a commitment to you all and there was no way in Hell I was allowing the power rankings to wait another day. Bear with me, my brain is still fried from getting Xuong’d in the early morning hours of Wednesday (I’ll explain what that means at a later date), so my attempts at humor may prove futile. Anyway, let’s jump start this weeks power ranking with our number 10…

#10. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Pervious Ranking: 8)
The early part of the season has not been kind to our league newcomer and groom-to-be. As with each of the first 2 weeks, Brad’s team was not able to muster much despite Saquon’s biggest game of the season. Unfortunately for Brad, Kyler Murray allowed other AZ Cardinals to score touchdowns against the Jags, and couldn’t meet his lofty projections – which pretty much doomed Brad from the start of Sunday. I have to mention that Brad was also victimized by the first case of the the Will Fuller effect on the season, see Rondale Moore. Brandon McManus and Keenan Allen kept this one from being an absolute blowout, but things have to turn around quickly for Brad or else he’ll be playing for draft position come the second half. Oh wait, this is fantasy football so that doesn’t even matter. Sucks to be Brad I guess.

#9. The Martian’s – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 6)
There were quite a few teams in the running for this spot and from my point of view, the next 5 or so ranked teams are all pretty similar and depending on the week can fall anywhere. For now, I’ll put Marzy here mainly because I think looking forward, his team will struggle the most. The Martian’s only have 3 RBs on their team, two of which are not even #1 options in a RB by committee system, a concerning lack of depth. Ryan is very deep at WR however, so maybe a trade could be had? This week, Playoff Marz got burned by TB defense, Terry and CeeDee, all of whom missed their projections. Russell Wilson wasn’t great either. Outside of Davante, no other notable performances from the Martian’s. I’m already bored of looking at his team so I’ll just move on.

#8. The Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 10)
Finally picking up his first win of the season was enough to move the Nordic’s up 2 spots in the rankings, even though they remain the lowest scoring team that does not play their games in South Jersey. The story of last week was the timely trade that saw Kris balance out his team and acquire one of the premier WR-QB combos in the NFL with Diggs and Allen, adding a decent RB in Chris Carson, while shipping out Kelce. Got all that? Anyway, Kris took down the roomie Jack and dropped a pretty average 122 points. I think the Bears offense is gonna suck going forward which is bad news for Montgomery and Allen Robinson. Honestly, if not for Aaron Jones and Josh Allen, Kris probably loses this week more often than not. But, 8th is still better than 10th, so keep up the good work pal.

#7. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 9)
Joining us on the Podcast this week, Max came out spitting facts about Mike Williams. I am sorry I ever doubted him. With Justin Herbert slingin’ it, Magic Mike has enjoyed a start to the season that parallels the likes of Jerry Rice, Terrell Owens and Pablo Sanchez. So after making that admission, Max’s team on paper is good enough to jump up 2 spots here. I still don’t love a Kamara/Elijah Mitchell running back room. Starting 2 Minnesota WRs is a dicey situation, escpecially when one of them is the previously unheard of KJ Osbourne. I think Max often times tries to get too cute and outsmart himself with his decision making. Just look at the fact that he’s been in on every random RB that makes news even though they suck (LeVeon Bell, Kerryon Johnson, Devonta Freeman). All are worthless as fantasy options. Moving on.

#6. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 7)
Looks like Bean’s finally figured out they key to victory – score only 108 points! Well, that works when you go against Brad. Anyway, Beanso is finally off the schnide mainly because Justin Herbert finds playing NFL football too easy. D’Andre Swift continues to roll and Arizona was the defensive pickup of the week (I should’ve dropped some FAAB on that one). Not much else went right for Beansy but it didn’t matter, this game was over the moment it started. It’ll be a slog for the next couple weeks as Brendan has to work around CMC’s hammy, shocked he wasn’t in play more for Chuba Hubbard. This is why we handcuff! James White also is out for the season now, not that you would play him much anyway.

#5. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 5)
126 points and a victory over the Martians was enough for the Buffalo’s to hold onto the #5 spot for another week. Najee Harris, Austin Ekeler and Justin Jefferson all rock and rolled, combining for half of Tommy’s point total. 14 points is very respectable for shitty Mike Evans, don’t count on it every week. The bad this week were Noah Fant and Ty’Son Chicken Williams, but nothing you can really do about that. Tommy got some good news with OBJ back to provide some depth for that flex position, so something to look at going forward.

#4. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 1)
Ouch, it was tough to be Abie’s team in more ways than one. The 69ers finally dropped their first game of the season in week 3 to Max, but the story of this matchup was the damage done to Abie’s lineup. DHop, Julio and Sterling Shepard are all banged up and their availability in the immediate future is in doubt. Not exactly what you wanna see when your top 2 WRs on the bench are currently on IR. As I write this, I see Abie is already scrambling to add depth and picked up slot gawd Hunter Renfroe out of Vegas for $11. Hey Abie, I’ll take Derrick Henry off your hands if you want to try and work something out. Throw in a bad week for TJ Hockenson and Patrick Mahomes (by his standards), Abie was only able to muster a measly 106 points on Sunday. Tough sledding ahead.

#3. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 3)
Hey Jack, maybe come up with a fancy chart that will help you win games? I kid, I kid, you do a great job with your weekly content. Sadly, the same couldn’t be said for the JTT2.0’s on Sunday. While you were out experimenting with some mind altering drugs and listening to Fall Out Boy or whatever the fuck you do at GovBall, your team was falling apart on the field. Still waiting on that breakout game from Jonathan Taylor? Cause it wasn’t this week. Tyreek, Singletary, Kenyan Drake, Deebo and Tyler Lockette all struggled mightily. Save for Tom Brady scoring a bunch of garbage time touchdowns and a pick 6 and 3 turnovers by the Saints D, it could’ve been an all time bad week. Heck, they happen. Jack’s still the #3 highest scoring team on the season so no need to hit the panic button just yet.

#2. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 2)
This one hurts to look at, but as someone who likes to see Brent suffer a little bit, I am happy nonetheless. Brent was 2.02 points awat from being this weeks highest scorer for the 2nd time on the season… and still managed to lose a close one. I honestly thought this was a wrap after the 1:00 games on Sunday, but Cooper Kupp and the Bronco’s D had other thoughts. Things couldn’t have been closer heading into MNF, with the Cowboys triplets within striking distance of pulling off a comeback. Zeke and Dak had good games, but fortunately/unfortunately Amari Cooper had one of those weeks were he disappeared and it wasn’t enough. Joe Mixon, Kyle Pitts and AJ Brown all disappeared for large stretches of their game. Not even the longest kick in LeagueStory (thanks for that portmanteau @Jack) could bail out the Brent’s on this one. And like that, no undefeated teams remain.

#1. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 4)
Well, we all knew this one was coming. For the second year in a row, I went on the pod and guaranteed that I’d hand Brent his first loss of the season. And for the second year in a row, I delivered. No Dalvin Cook, no Darrell Henderson, No Josh Jacobs, it didn’t matter. Alexander Mattison is the best handcuff in the NFL (thanks Max – how’s Parris Campbell treating you?). I picked up Emmanuel Sanders for FREE on Sunday morning cause I had a bad feeling about starting James Conner. Well Conner managed 17 points, but Sanders dropped 23 and that was the difference between victory and defeat for Da Commish. DK finally DK’d for the first time in 3 weeks, and CEH got the message after I put him on blast after week 2. Just don’t fumble next week please! Godwin and Hurts did alright, but Jonnu didn’t. He’s already gone as I picked up Dawson Knox, Go Bills. Anyway, let’s keep the good times rolling with a week 4 pounding of Abie.

Biggest Rise: Thomas and Friends
Biggest Fall: HOCKEYPRO69/The Martian’s

After 3 weeks, thing are pretty much shaping up to what I expected. The two preseason favorites, Brent and myself, are at the top. Ryan is not. Still, a loooong way to go so don’t get discouraged. First and last place are separated by only 1 game – a league first! Anyway, I gotta take a nap as I’m still running on fumes. Enjoy Joe Burrow and Trevor Lawrence tonight before their respective offensive lines have them hospitalized with broken ribs.

Go League.

Oh man, is it already time to update the Power Rankings? Chet YouBetcha it is. I always say that week two of the regular season is the most important game you play all season. A 2-0 start can springboard your fantasy team for a deep playoff run. An 0-2 start, you might as well pack your bags and start preparing for next season (or in our case for the standup stage). Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to face the embarrassment of an 0-2 start and fortunately for yours truly, I faced Max in a laugher and avoided that dreaded fate. The same can’t be said for everyone, however. So without further ado – let’s jump into this week’s rankings with our number 10 team….

#10. The Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 7)
Am I really dropping Kris to last place this early in the season? You’re goddamn right. Kris has had a disastrous start to the 2021 campaign, dropping his first two games without much of a fight. While things certainly improved over last week, still not nearly went right enough to keep either game all that competitive. I wrote last week about how I expected Allen Robinson, Josh Allen and Damien Harris to perform much better. Well guess what? They didn’t. It appears the Myles Gaskin experiment has ceased, as Kris benched him and his whopping 6.6. Jarvis and Juju are both tremendously overrated. Pretty much only Kelce and Aaron Jones showed up this week, not enough if you’re a Kris fantasy football supporter.

#9. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 6)
Oof. This was just one of those weeks. We’ve all had them before and for as long as we play fantasy, we’ll continue to have them. But they still hurt all the same. Nothing, absolutely nothing, went right for Max on Sunday. From about 2:00 in the afternoon on Sunday on, Max’s win probability did not climb above 1%.  What do you expect when someone in your lineup drops a goose-egg, and still wasn’t the worst guy on your team. I’m speaking of course of Jason Sanders and Steelers D (fuck you Lebron). Kamara had one of those games we’re he disappeared. Max is scrambling to find a reliable RB2, and I’ll tell you it isn’t Elijah Mitchell – thanks for literally handing Kyle Pitts to Brent. Your WRs actually put up a respectable 45 points combined, but far too little from everyone else doomed Max’s fate as he settled for the number 9 spot. Gotta get better.

#8. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Pervious Ranking: 8)
Well, if it wasn’t for Max’s abomination, I’d probably have dropped Brad a spot here. Maybe you should send some sort of Edible Arrangement Max’s way for keeping you numero Ocho. Week 2 really stung as Brad dropped a very winnable game against the defending champion Flandrew’s. I tried to warn y’all in last week’s column- I’ll say it again in case you missed it. Saquon Barkley is doo-doo. Can’t expect to win many games when you’re number 1 draft pick is so shitty. Kyler Murray remains Brad’s lone bright spot, scoring another 4 tds. Put his little legs and rocket arm couldn’t drum up much scoring for the rest of the Brad’s lineup, which combined for a measly 70 points. Devonta Smith kinda stinks, so does Ronald Jones. The best thing I can say is Nick Chubb did kind of ok and Brandon McManus is good. That’s about it.

#7. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 3)
Is it to early to hit the panic button here? Not for the Corporation which demands excellence and has the track record to back it up. Bean’s is a hard luck 0-2, but winless all the same. And for that, I can’t justify him being any higher on this list. What went right in week 2? For one, CMC did what he does, no further explanation needed. Courtland Sutton, Chris Carson and Stefon Diggs performed well. And as I write this, the Pats D just intercepted Zach Wilson again. So what went wrong? Well – he faced Ryan who was desperate to end his own losing streak. Tampa’s D recorded 2 pick 6’s in about 5 min and doomed any chance of the Bean’s winning this week, but I won’t go much further into that game because at number 6 we got the aforementioned…..

#6. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 9)
Marrrrzy. The comeback kid and feel-good story of The League, Ryan needed a victory in this one to get his season on track. And get one he did. Scary Terry and Russell Wilson dropped a combined 55 big ones, Davante Adams and Diontae Johnson had nice bounce back performances and Tampa’s two pick sixes was easily enough to eat a W as Jameis Winston would say, even with Melvin Gordon still as your RB2. I’ll trade you CEH for him straight up. Only kidding (or am I?). Hey Beans, at least the Cowboys won.

#5. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 10)
You know the saying “Oh how the mighty have fallen?”. Well I guess this is a case of the unmighty rising. Last week’s last ranked team and lowest scorer, the Buffalo’s went worst to first in week 2, leading the way with an outstanding 162 points andgood enough to shoot up 5 spots week to week. Everybody on Bonez’s team minus Succop scored in the double figures, exactly the kind of production you want to have. Najee, Ekeler, Justin Jefferson and Noah Fant all bounced back. Mike Evans and Bills D exploded all over the expense of all 10 combined Falcons and Dolphins fans. But the story of this week was Lamar, who minus an opening pick 6 absolutely demolished the Chiefs D, going for 32 points and (even more impressive) a victory over Pat Mahomes. Keep this up and next year Bonez will be showing up at the draft wearing his signed Austin Ekeler jersey.

#4. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 5)
Keep the ball rolling, keep the ball rollllllling. Back-to-back strong performances from a suspect at best squad entering the season has seen yours truly rise 5 spots from our initial power rankings and into the top 4. Where did I go right? Well I had the foresight to see the Bears D matchup against the lowly Bungles and snatched them up for free off the waiver list Saturday morning. 3 Joey B interceptions later and I was on the right side of a laugher against Max. Jalen Hurts, Dalvin, Godwin and Brandin Cooks all rocked – thanks guys. Now for the bad, Clyde Edwards Helaire. C-E-H is playing more like P-O-O, dropping a measly 2.6 points and literally fumbling the game away against Baltimore. So far he seems like a wasted 2^nd round pick. Jonnu Smith and DK both sucked as well. And lastly, I’ll be remise to not mention the injury bug struck Darrell Henderson, forcing him to leave in the 3^rd Quarter against Indy. Something to monitor going forward along with Josh Jacobs’s ankle. But for now, the number 4 spot for the 3^rd highest scoring team through 2 weeks sounds about right. Go Me.

#3. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 3)
Motherfucker, why couldn’t I play Jack this week? Not that 129 point is anything to sneeze at, but it’s a sharp drop from the 157 the JTT2.0’s dropped last week.  If you’re asking yourself what happened, look no further than Tyreek Hill, who last week couldn’t stop scoring TDs, and this week largely disappeared. Good game planning from the Ravens, I guess. I might put out a hit on Tyler Lockett if he keeps stealing targets and points from my man DK. Deebo, Jamar and Singletary did good. Jonathan Taylor and George Kittle did not. Just one of those days. For the first time in the history of fantasy football, someone (Jack) is really regretting not starting Cordarrelle Patterson. One day that might end up a Jeopardy question. Lastly, Tom Brady played better than Zach Wilson. Shit happens.

#2. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 1)
To say Brent was lucky to escape this week with a victory is an understatement, which sucks for everybody else. Brent was the 8^th highest scoring team on Sunday, but was victorious on account that I scheduled him to play Brad, sorry folks. Still, Brent is 2-0 and most of us aren’t. Last week we had Max winning with his QB scoring under 10, this week is was Dak’s pitiful 7.48 that somehow got the job done. I’ll say this, Cooper Kupp is the best (white) wide receiver in the history of the NFL. Prove me otherwise. AJ Brown, Amari Cooper, Kyle Pitts and Joe Mixon did mostly nothing. Did it matter? No, because Zeke scored a touchdown for the first time since 2018 and DJ Moore now has the Golden Child Sam Darnold playing QB in Carolina. Man, I wish the Jets had someone like him. Anyway, wasn’t really impressed with Brent’s team all that much but a win is a win, so the #2 spot it is.

#1. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 2)
One week out of the top spot was one too many for my man Abie. It looked like for much of Sunday, Abie was going to be an unhappy camper. But then Derrick Henry awoke, remembered that he is literally a man playing amongst boys and made the Seahawks D looks like Bishop Sycamore for much of the second half. You remember how the whole stadium would yell at Forrest Gump to run, and then he’d go 95 yards to the house untouched until the fans yelled to stop? It was essentially that. Thankfully Derrick’s IQ exceeds 75. Pat Mahomes only scored 23, which for a mortal QB is more like a 13 point game, so I guess he kind of stinks now. DHop scored 13 points through the first quarter and then didn’t record a single target the rest of the game. Didn’t matter. Honestly, the rest of Abie’s team did nothing spectacular. Nothing bad obviously, but a lot of meh performances, nothing to write home about. But I like him better than Brent and so for at least one more week, Abie is king of the castle.

Biggest Rise: Buffalo Bonez
Biggest Fall: Beans Corp

That’s all she wrote on week 2. Come back next week to see where your team lands after what is sure to be an entertaining week 3. Don’t go spending all your FAAB all in one place. And as always, Go League!

God, what a week it was in the fantasy world. After a 255 day wait, Thursday morning finally arrived and I turned into a 6 year old boy waking up on Christmas morning again, excited for what the week and season would bring. That feeling lasted until about 7:00 on Sunday after I got the shit kicked into me by Jack’s three headed monster known as Tyreek Hill-Deebo Samuel-Tyler Lockett. Whatever, its one week. No team in NFL history sans the ’72 Dolphins has run the table and neither has a proud franchise in The League — so I was bound to lose eventually. Might as well get it out of the way early.

Anyway, its time for everyone’s favorite column, your updated Power Rankings. Week one saw some mighty rises, some hefty falls and everything in-between. That’s why we play the games folk! So without further ado, lets get crack-a-lacking with no. 10…

10. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Rank: 6)
I didn’t even notice you changed your name until just now, maybe the Bonez Hogs would have fared better? Anyway, the Bonez’s were victims of this week’s biggest blowout and lowest scoring team, dropping a pathetic 89.64 in their inaugural matchup. Tommy, did you not listen to this week’s League Talk? We warned you Mike Evans is a fraud. The oft-injured Austin Ekeler did what he does best, get injured. Najee Harris flat out stinks and Lamar Jackson is seemingly getting worse every week he plays. At least Chase Edmonds did kinda good for Chase Edmonds standards, but still nothing to write home about. Anyway, Bonez, you got some real GMing wizardry to do to right the ship. After one week, the Tommy Bones is in the pole position for the stand up stage. Not where you wanna be.

9. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Rank: 10)
Things could’ve only gone up for The Martians after our initial power rankings which saw them rank dead last. Well Ryan, you did manage to improve one spot, progress! Ryan had a pretty average performance this week, cracking the 115 point mark, right at his projection. But what came as a shock was where Ryan had his poor performances, namely his top two picks Davante Adams and Antonio Gibson. Things really looked glum for The Martians until Melvin Gordon III ripped off a 70 yard touchdown run late in that Broncos game (I nearly fell off my couch in disbelief but I can attest it really did happen). Can’t count on that every week I’m afraid. I was also afraid Dionte Johnson and CeeDee would suffer sophomore slumps, but both put up very good performances. Anyway Ryan, good job I guess? Still think you need to improve your RBs or it could be another long season for King Marzy.

#8. South Jersey 4th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Previous Ranking: 6)
I know what you’re all thinking, Brad’s team won week one and yet still fell two spots from the previous week? Well, this is a forward looking ranking more than anything. And I got some bad news for our boy and his name is Saquon Barkley. I think he stinks, his team stinks and therefore your team stinks. I wouldn’t have touched him with a 10 foot pole, no matter what round he fell to me. Throw in a Brandon Aiyuk bagel (goose egg alert!), and pedestrian performances from Robert Woods, Keenan Allena and Logan Thomas, Brad was fortunate to escape week one with a win. Anyway, the real story of Brad’s team is his mighty mite QB, the fantasy godsend known as Kyler Murray. But Brad, I feel often times you’ll be relying too heavily on a 30+ point performance from Kyler to make up for an otherwise mediocre team. Trust me, as someone who went that route last year, its not often a recipe for success.

#7. The Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 2)
I take great pleasure in reporting a tough week for the Nordic Horse’s in the 2021 opener. It appears I was completely off with my Myles Gaskin sleeper prediction, the guy stinks. Same could be said about JuJu, who’s quickly dropped to the #3 option in the Steeler’s offense. Overall, I expect Aaron Jones, Allen Robinson, Josh Allen and Damien Harris to perform much better than they had this week, which is why I didn’t drop Kris further even though he was the second lowest scoring team this week. Speaking of Damien Harris, I’m afraid he’ll be banished to Bill Belichick’s Dog House for coughing up the ball that led to the Patriots’ defeat on Sunday, someone to look out for going forward (James White fantasy owners rejoice). Perhaps Kris can swing Gronk to a TE desperate team to fill some holes, but I doubt he panics after one lousy performance.

#6. Kamara Chameleons – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 7)
The League’s biggest wildcard, one week into the fantasy season and we still have more questions than answers concerning the Chameleons. Are they good? Are they bad? Well for one thing, they are 1-0. Max’s team had an up down Sunday. The good? Adam Thielen, Darren Waller, Mike Williams (sorry for clowning you on the pod) and Steelers D. The bad? Calvin Ridley. Then there was the ugly, Aaron Rodgers. Pretty remarkable Max pulled out a victory with such a pitiful performance from last years MVP. Max’s bench only dropped 8.2 points so depth could be a bit of a concern going forward, but for now, a 1 game winning streak goes along way to shut the haters up.

#5. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 9)
Alright, a move in the right direction! Even though it didn’t result in a victory, Da Commish had a very encouraging week one performance, scoring the third most points in week 1. Honestly, though, outside of Matt Gay and Jalen Hurts, still can’t believe that trade didn’t get vetoed (ducks), I feel my team left a lot still on the table. A lot of touchdowns sure, but not much else. Dalvin didn’t Dalvin. DK didn’t DK. Josh Jacobs ran for 36 yards so I guess that sounds about right. Is Clyde Edwards-Helaire a good football player? 17 games into his career, I don’t think so. Still, dropping 145 points despite these performances is an encouraging sign for the Vig’s. Let’s fucking go. Also, I got Alexander Mattison in the most irrelevant trade ever so that’s cool.

#4. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 3)
A drop in the rankings for Beans Corp? Almost as bad as dropping the first game of the season, which Brendan did as well. Still, much of what was said above about me holds true for the Corp. The League’s 4th highest scoring team ran into the yet to be ranked freight train known as The Flandrew’s; losing despite a highly respectable 132. You know Bean’s Corp is going to be good because he has CMC, a freaking fantasy vulture. I was heavily invested in that Jets-Panthers game for obvious reasons and I swear McCaffrey had 100 touches by the end of the first quarter. As long as he stays healthy (a big if considering his usage), Bean’s Corp is looking very strong. To top things off, D’Andre Swift appears to be an early favorite for breakout candidate of the year and Miles Sanders didn’t suck like we all expected. Bounce back weeks from Herbert, Diggs and Chris Carson should have Bean’s in good position to bounce back with a week 2 dub.

#3. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 8)
I still think the #3 spot may be a little high, but can’t deny the week one results that saw our man and all around good-guy Jack drop 157 and completely rip my heart out in week 1. I’m starting the believe that Tyreek Hill may be the best wide receiver to ever play the game of football, at least the version of him we saw on Sunday. Add in that Tyler Lockette couldn’t stop stealing touchdowns from DK Metcalf, Deebo freaking Samuel dropped 27 points and Tom Brady continues to facefuck Father Time, it was a bad week to be me. It happens. Outside those obvious outlier performances however, nobody really did anything too notable on Jack’s team, which is why I have my doubts for his continued success. Jonathan Taylor is eh, Mike Davis stinks, that’s all I have to say about that Jack’s RBs. Anyway, congrats. Fuck.

#2. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 1)
After talking the talking all summer long, the 69ers walked the walk in week one, easily defeating the Nordic Horses. Abie’s gonna score a lot of points cause of Patrick Mahomes- already the best quarterback to ever play the game. Additionally, Abie has De’Andre Hopkins, the best wide receiver to ever play the game. Also, TJ Hockenson must’ve tuned into last week’s pod and put the whole league on notice with a revenge game after the shit talk, you’re welcome. Julio and Derrick Henry got buttfucked by the Arizona Cardinals, so they should bounce back next week. However, the reason for dropping one spot is because the injury bug reared its ugly head and struck not one, but two of Abie’s starters; Jerry Jeudy and Raheem Mostert. Hate to see it, but a part of the game nonetheless. Can Abie survive? Tune into this season of The League to find out.

#1. The Flandrews – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 4)
Picture the local fourth grade spelling bee. The contestant is given the word “juggernaut”. Perplexed at first, the contestant asks for the definition. The host repeats “Juggernaut (noun): a huge, powerful, and overwhelming force or institution.” Still unsure, the contestant asks for the word to be used in a season. Obliging the request, the host repeats-“Brent’s team is a juggernaut.”

See what I did there? Things couldn’t have gotten off to a better start for the defending champions Flandrews. High points for the week and a victory over archrival Beans Corp has Brent riding high and into the drivers seat to another fantasy championship. Can’t believe I ever doubted the Cowboys, even though Zeke sucks (Ditto what I said earlier about Barkley). Dak Prescott is gonna throw for 6,000 yards, 3,000 of which will go to Amari Cooper. Joe Mixon is a beautiful piece of shit. AJ Brown, Cooper Kupp, DJ Moore and Dallas Goedert round out an impressive starting lineup. Also the bench is deep with Trey Sermon (RIP Mostert) and Corey Davis. Can’t believe we allowed this again.

Biggest Rise: Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0
Biggest Fall: The Norse Horse

That’s all she wrote for week 1. Can’t wait to kick start it again with the worst Thursday Night game of all time, Taylor Heineke v. Daniel Jones (shit).

Happy Yom Kippur.

Folks, we made it. The long trip around the sun between fantasy drafts has come and gone. The beer flowed, empanadas were devoured and a good time was had by all — except if you needed a QB in round 12 (I’ll get into that later). But the fun part is now over and its time to strap in for a long 17 week season. As you all know, this season I’ll be providing a new weekly column for all fans of The League, power ranking the teams and providing my heavily sought after and unbiased advise and analysis on all the rosters and decision making week by week. So, without further a do, let’s jump right into the preseason power rankings with our number 10:

#10. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell
Kicking us off at the ten spot is Ol’ Marzy. Ryan started his night by going with two obvious plays, snagging Davante Adams (WR1) and Antonio Gibson with his first two picks. But then his draft took a left turn –inexplicably casting aside the RB position and drafting about 14 WRs, a TE and QB before his second RB, settling for Melvin Gordon of Denver. Everyone knows I stress the RB position early and often (sometimes maybe to my own detriment) but you can’t deny the overall importance of the position since only about 6 RBs are any good in this league anymore. I predict a big trade in the future for Marzy to sure up that position or I’m afraid Ryan may be fast tracked for the standup stage once again.

#9. Marzy and Me (new name in the works) – Andrew Vignali
I have to humble myself with this one. Overall, I feel I did not have a very good night. Almost nothing I had mocked for ended up coming to fruition and I think I got routinely played by Bean’s Book of Secrets. I was eyeing Joe Mixon in RD2 but after Brent grabbed him, had to reach on CEH since I knew Bean’s wouldn’t allow him to fall to me on the turnaround. Similarly, in rounds 4 and 5, I was eyeing Godwin and whomever Brendan didn’t take between Miles Sanders/D’Andre Swift and was totally not prepared for Beans to take both in that spot – thus causing me to settle on Josh Jacobs whom I’m not very high on due to his lack of receiving ability. But the worst fucking I got all night was the Round 12 QB run that saw all 4 of my targeted QBs go one after the other to teams that already had an entrenched starter at QB. I settled for Matt Ryan but likely things will change before week 1 so take that with a grain of salt. I got fucked by Max taking my handcuff Alexander Mattison two picks before I was going too – whatever. You already know my feelings about that one. Overall, bad night for Vigs.

#8. Jonathan Taylor Thomas – Jack Staub
This is a hard luck #8 for our boy Jack – but ditto what I said above about Ryan, I just don’t love the RB situation. To no fault of his own, Jack took JK Dobbins as his RB2, about 20 min before his ACL tore and ended his season, unfortunately a wasted 4th round pick. Mike Davis will finally get a chance as a feature back in the Atlanta offense but is a total wild card. Similarly to myself, Jack waited around for his QB and settled on the immortal spawn of satan Tom Brady. Brady will offer more in the passing game, but is too one dimensional in the modern NFL offense to really be a big time fantasy QB. Could Jameis take the mantle as Jack’s QB? We’ll wait and find out. Also, Ja’Marr Chase drops a lot of balls.

#7. Kamara Chameleons – Max Cohan
The League’s biggest wild card, Max was all over the place on draft day. His deeply routed southern ties made for some obvious picks over the course of the draft, Kamara, Ridley, Pitts, etc. But the common theme among the lowest seeded members of these initial power rankings hold true again – I don’t love Max’s RBs. Kamara is an obvious stud, but I have questions about his receiving volume with Winston replacing noodle armed Drew Brees and forcing the ball more down the field. After that, Kareem Hunt is a question mark – as he is a good back, but remains second fiddle to Chubb in Cleveland. Add that his only other two backs are backups Zack Moss and Alexander Mattison and I have questions as to where Max is going to find the touches for his RB2. I don’t love playing 2 TE’s in the Flex, but Kyle Pitts is supposed to be a stud and maybe Max knows something we don’t. Overall, I think Max is another candidate to look for more RB help before week 1 (he’s already hit my line).

#6. 4th N’ Schlong – Brad Peditto
The newest member of The League had an interesting introduction on draft day. On paper, Brad’s roster is pretty comparable to the other teams that have yet to be revealed, but the reason The Schlong’s come in at this spot is the old injury concern – namely Saquon. Of all the top picks, SaQuads was obviously the biggest question mark. He’s a volume beast when healthy, but it’s been nearly a year since he’s taking the field and hasn’t played any snaps in preseason so far. We also have no idea what to make of Sony Michel. Will he be the lead back in LA or was he just brought in as a depth piece after losing Cam Akers? We shall see. Decent WR depth, some homerism for his beloved Eagles (Quez Watkins?), and Logan Thomas rounds out Brad’s squad. Good luck in your freshman season.

#5. Bonez Hogs – Thomas Antonello
Fitting that the two newbies and week 1 rivals fall back to back in the initial power rankings. I honestly didn’t know what to expect with Bonez on Saturday but I think he did a good job. Ekeler may not have been the play I would’ve made at 6 (I think Chubb, Saquon and Aaron Jones were all better RBs there) but you can’t fault a guy trying to win a signed jersey. Tommy Bonez is deep in WR and has a stud QB1 in Lamar. I think Chase Edmonds makes or breaks Tommy’s season. If he can become what David Johnson was a few years ago and fill in as a 3 down back in ARI, Bonez team really rounds out nicely. But for now, I’ll take the top 4 teams on paper.

#4. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin
The top 4 teams of the initial power rankings are all close and relatively interchangeable, but I got Brent in my #4 spot largely cause I think the other remaining team had better, sure fire first picks. Brent went Ezekiel Elliott, who I was shocked to learn has seen his production fall each season of his career. I also don’t love the fact that Brent has the triplets Dak, Zeke and Amari Cooper on his team, relying too heavily on one offense is always dangerous and particularly, one’s production will hurt the other. Brent has solid WR , — look for Corey Davis to become the next Jerry Rice with Zach Wilson and Cooper Kupp is solid.

#3. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill
Initially coming out of the draft, I thought I’d have Beans as my number 1. But after sobering up, having a day of reflection and the more I look at the top two teams– I simply think they are more balanced so I have Beans third in the initial rankings. Bean’s went above and beyond targeting RBs, grabbing 4 with his first 5 picks (CMC, Carson, Sanders, Swift) and a top WR with Stefon Diggs. Brendan benefitted the most of anyone at the timely breaking news of the JK Dobbins injury and swiftly grabbed Gus Edwards with the next pick, good for the Corp – bad for everyone else. But I have my reservations about his WR depth. Beans has often been burned by Robby Anderson and I don’t believe in Sam Darnold. Sutton is a mystery to me this year after last year’s ACL tear and with Capt. CheckDown Teddy Bridgewater winning the Denver QB job. Justin Herbert is solid but he’s definitely the worst QB of the remaining unranked teams. Overall, solid RB depth makes Beans a dangerous player in the trading market, and I would expect him to swing a few deals to fill out some holes on the roster.

#2. The Norse Horse – Kris Blaine
I always hate to give Kris credit when I can avoid it – so he’ll have to do with being the initial runner up in our Power Rankings. Kris touched upon it on this week’s pod (give it a listen if you haven’t yet) and did something drastically different from years passed – he went Kelce in round 1. Hard to argue with that decision however, and then followed it up with the safe pick Aaron Jones in round 2. Kris is equipped with great RB/WR depth (I personally think Myles Gaskin can be 2021’s breakout RB) and to top it off, last year’s number 1 fantasy QB Josh Allen, Go Bills. Josh Allen, Aaron Jones, David Montgomery, ARob, Juju, Kelce is as deep starting lineup as they come. Great nerws for me who’s gotta play him thrice.

#1. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider
Abie, Abie, Abie. I loved what you did on Saturday. You can make the case Abie has the top QB, RB and WR in football with Mahomes, Derrick Henry and DHop. James Robinson will be the obvious feature back in JAX after the Travis Etienne injury, and if Julio can turn back the clock, Abie’s top 5 is deep. AJ Dillon and Michael Carter are two young, intriguing RBs, and Sanders/Pittman and Jerry Jeudy is great WR depth. Last but not least, he’s gonna have Michael Thomas joining the squad hopefully by October, so at full strength, I think Abie’s team has the most upside of everyone. Good for you.

That’s all I got for my initial pre-season power rankings. I’ll try to pump these babies out weekly to the best of my ability. Make sure to voice any and all comments/questions/concerns on League Talk, the official podcast of The League, where we will be addressing all content fantasy related. Till next time, Go League!