Author: Beans

**Disclaimer: The bottom 5 spots of the power rankings were written before the MNF game under the assumption that the ESPN projections were accurate and that I would beat Kris. I’m too lazy to re-write what I already have and the result of our game has not changed the rankings whatsoever, so enjoy.**

U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi. There’s no better way to sum up the events that transpired in the League this past week than with such a simple 4 letter word. But let me try a different 4 letter word to describe my own performance… S-H-I-T. Or perhaps, L-U-C-K would work better. Anyway that you put it, I was disappointed with my team’s showing this week and it will be reflected in the rankings below. This week sucked and I hate that I now must heavily dissect it. It’s going to make me physically ill. Hopefully we all learn from it.

#10. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 2)
Simply put, I must be better. I talk the talk, but I did not walk the walk. Yes, I beat Kris, whoopty. But I also suffered the worst showing of my accredited fantasy career and would’ve lost to anyone else in the League and take away no gratification from this win. It took until the final Eagles play from scrimmage in their loss to San Diego for my team to record its first touchdown of the day on Sunday. That’s got to be a record, but not one that you want to have. My RBs are a mess, either banged up or severely underperforming. Jalen Hurts is playing awful. I haven’t gotten anything out of the TE slot in about 4 weeks, and I have no answers for how to overcome any of that either. I’m not seeing the board clearly and that concerns me. Brent fleeced me in a trade for a RB for the second straight year. I had no contingency plan for being down DK and Godwin this week and I was fortunate to survive. Perhaps most embarrassingly, I simply forgot to put in Elijah Moore on Thursday night like I had planned to all day. It was a disaster of a week for Da Commish and we’ve all come to expect better. I promise I’m going to watch the film and think long and hard how I’m going to turn it around. Fuck.

#9. Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 5)
Let’s just pretend Kris and I’s matchup this week never took place. I mean we had some classics over the years. 2019 week 13 where we both entered 11-1 and as the two highest scoring teams. The 2018 semi-final (all I have to say is Tommy Lee Lewis for y’all to know what I’m talking about). This one will be talked about for a long time, but in a much different regard. Jack, pull up the data, but I assume this is Kris’s worst performance of all time as well. Josh Allen got bettered by the other Josh Allen, turning the ball over 3x (should’ve been a fourth). Aaron Jones and Davante were victimized by Aaron Rodger’s vaccination status. CeeDee Lamb, Jarvis and Cole Beasley combined for 66 freaking yards on Sunday. Even Nick Folk missed his first kick in an eternity. Just awful all around, I can’t explain it.

#8. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 9)
Well, things were not much better for Beanso on Sunday, but he’s still improving a spot based off the abomination that was my matchup with Kris. Beans lost to this week’s big winner Tommy Bonez and barely eclipsed the pathetic 80-point margin. Last week’s blockbuster trade with Max in the rearview, many of Beans Corp’s newest members continued to disappoint. At some point, one has to wonder whether there is a certain level of toxicity in the Beans Corp work culture. 31 from starting staple Justin Herbert and 18 more from new star RB Alvin Kamara was not enough to right the ship, as everyone else on Brendan’s team sucked majorly. Damien Harris and Adam Thielen both found the endzone and scored below 10 points, that’s hard to do. Kadarious Toney and Courtland Sutton both managed 1 catch a piece. How tf do you not have a better RB to start than Zach Moss? Yuck. It was ugly all around, a common theme you’ll find throughout these rankings. Fortunately, Mike Evans is coming back this week.

#7. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Previous Ranking: 10)
I’m rewarding Brad by moving The League’s biggest loser so far up 3 spots. Maybe it’s more to do with the actions/performances of others, but at this point, Brad will take whatever moral victories he can get. Having to start Jordan Love in an emergency due to the Kyler Murray news, the Schlong’s put up a valiant effort and kept it within 5 against Max. One would think that a healthy Kyler would’ve gotten Brad that elusive second win. Nick Chubb was back and seemingly better than ever. The LA double feature of Keenan and Robert Woods both went for 100 yards. All Brad had to do was play either Aiyuk or DeVonta over Emmanuel Sanders and he would’ve pulled it out. That hurts. What also hurts is being victimized by your beloved Birds, Boston Scott and Eagles D combined to net only 1 point. All in all, a great effort Brad and I’m now a believer that you will pick up that second win and keep things interesting the loser’s bracket. We’re all rooting for you pal.

#6. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 8)
Let me start with this. I can’t explain it, there’s no reason for it, but Melvin Gordon is a good fantasy RB. I owe Marzy my deepest apologies for clowning him routinely both publicly and privately on that one. That said, Marzy’s tailspin has spun ever more – dropping his 4^th straight with another stinker. It all goes back to that disastrous trade with Kris. Stefon Diggs kinda stinks now and Chris Carson has yet to suit up for the Martians. Not that Davante or CeeDee would’ve made up for it this week. With half his team out on bye, Ryan was faced with the dilemma of having to throw out his C squad against Brent. Well, Tannehill, Ty Johnson and Bryan Edwards weren’t close to cutting it, combining for only 25 (and one disastrous goose egg). Normal starters Christian Kirk and Mark Andrews were both meh. Surprisingly, Packers D on the road in Arrowhead played very well, much better than the 6-point margin they earned. They had no sacks or turnovers, so it was tough to score points, but they made it a living nightmare for Mahomes & Co. Anyway, Marzy should have his reinforcements coming back soon. Scary Terry and Gibson are off a bye and Russell Wilson had his nail removed. Will Ryan get back to the winning ways? Stay tuned.

#5. Jersey Jerry Seinfeld – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 7)
While I’m out here apologizing, let me offer my deepest apologies to Maxwell. I’ve clowned on thee for many years for squeaking by in low scoring affairs, and now I’m done it myself. While this isn’t quite 69-66, it was as close as we’ve seen since that dark Sunday. Now discussing this Sunday, things looked pretty good for our Southern brother. Although given quite the scare from Brad, Max was able to prevail in this week’s closest matchup earning his 5^th win. Honestly, nobody really jumped off as having a huge week for Max, but rather it was the lack of dud performance that led the Seinfeld’s to victory. Kirk Cousins went for over 20, about average for a QB. Max played 3 RBs and all went for double digits. Travis Kelce returned to the Kelce of old and had 15 in his first game down South. 8 points from Raiders D is solid as well. I guess the WRs were a little disappointing, but still no egregiously bad weeks from anyone. Sum that all up, and you get a pretty average 111 points, but still enough to beat below average competition. Looking ahead, Rodgers is coming back, Swift and CMC will make a great RB room and Tim Patrick should earn a few starts in that WR room. I think Max may have turned things around here and has rightfully earned his #5 spot.

#4. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 4)
The first week without Derrick Henry was not kind to our man. Pitted against Jack in the biggest game of the week, and the season so far, the 69ers went out and laid an egg without their 1^st rounder. In his absence, everyone else had to step up their games. Well, they failed miserably. Abie’s highest scorer was Michael Pittman, who went for a solid 15 points against my New York Football Jets, and Hunter Renfrow also scored a respectable 14 against those New York Football Giants. The reworked RB room performed admirably in defeat. The old man Adrian Peterson and the young buck Michael Carter each turned in equal 9.1-point performances. Can’t ask for much else from those two-fill ins. Again, Julio Jones is not that good anymore, it’s sad. Even worse was the 49ers D, who got ransacked by the Cardinals backups at home. Kyle Shanahan must not be a happy camper. Anyway, Abie has a huge game against Kris this week as he tries to get back to his winning ways.

#3. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 6)
Moving on up. The Buffalo’s were this week’s big winner, defeating the lowly Beans Corp and being the only time to crack the 120 point mark on Sunday (seriously, that’s how bad it was collectively). Well, it was enough to get vault Tommy all the way into 3^rd for the first time this season. Call him Top Three Tommy from here on out. Leading the way for Bonez was Lamar Jackson, who dropped a 30 burger, and his sidekick Hollywood Brown, who went for 16. In that same game, Justin Jefferson caught a long touchdown and brought in 15 more. Najee, Tee Higgins and Darren Waller all had decent games as well. However, Tommy’s RB room took a hit. Austin Ekeler kind of stunk even though the Chargers beat the Eagles, and Chase Edmonds left the game early on Sunday and will miss a few weeks. Is that something to monitor going forward? Well, maybe not. Odell has escaped from purgatory, no wait that’s just Cleveland. Maybe he’ll turn things around and be a flex option going forward??

#2. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 3)
After a big win against Abie in week 8, Jack has firmly planted himself as The League’s #1 seed as we enter the regular season’s second half. He even managed it despite not getting his usual explosion from the wide receiver slot, as Deebo Samuel, Ja’Marr Chase and Tyreek Hill all scored in the single digits. Fortunately for my roommate, it was not Tua-Time on Sunday (since he didn’t play) and that trade with Brent for Joey B paid off to the tune of 7.38 points. Hell, that’s better than 0. Yet again, the story for the JTT2.0’s this week was their namesake. JT pummeled my Jets for an even 33 dunkaroo’s, averaging nearly 10 yards a pop against Swiss cheese defense. The waiver wire find of the century, Cordarrelle Patterson continues to turn back the clock and launch a second career as a RB. If you’re scoring at home, he added 16 points and is now the RB7 in standard Half PPR scoring. Insane! Things may only get better from here on out for our man, as this week will mark the return of a Russell Wilson led Seahawks (Tyler Lockette stock wayyy up), George Kittle from the IR and Touchdown Tommy fresh of his bye. With a huge matchup with Brent looming, expect Jack to pull out all the cards to try and grab a stranglehold within The League.

#1. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 1)
Excuse me for losing count, but how many weeks now has our man been ranked top dawg now? After the events of this week, Brent has vaulted all the way up to the #2 seed and earned himself a bye in the first round of the playoffs. Unfortunately, he still has a way to go before that day comes, but keep up the good work. The Flandrew’s had their lowest scoring output of the season (along with about 6 other teams) but it was still enough to cast aside #PlayoffMarz, 106-97. Leading the way for Brent was the Usual Suspects, Joe Mixon (2 tds) and Cooper Kupp (100 yards). Dak Prescott led two garbage time touchdowns against Denver to turn what otherwise would’ve been a nightmarish game into a somewhat decent performance (ala Jalen Hurts). Brent played the correct TE with Pitts outscoring Goeddert. Unfortunately, Zeke, Amari Cooper, DJ Moore and AJ Brown all had relative stinkers, and the Saints D managed only a single point against the Falcons. That last one is most shocking. Looking to next week, Brent’s team will be even scarier than normal, as James Conner will get a full workload as the Cardinals feature back (fuck) and perhaps even Antonio Brown resurfaces down in Tampa. I wish I had held onto James Conner for this sole reason. Anyway, a big primetime matchup with Jack awaits.

Biggest Rise: South Jersey 4^th & Schlong/Buffalo Bonez
Biggest Fall: Thomas and Friends

We officially have reached the home stretch of the Fantasy regular season so buckle up. Everybody still has plenty to play for and week 10 may be the biggest week we’ve ever seen with two marquee matchups: Brent-Jack and Brendan-Brad. I certainly can’t wait to see how it all plays out. It all kicks off in 24 hours with Ravens-Dolphins, another shitty TNF. Thanks Goodell. I’ve got to go reassess my team and life’s choices so let me leave you with the two sweetest words in sports…

Go League. Shoutout Sebastian.

*Disclaimer: I’m writing this introduction as of Tuesday night, 8:19 p.m. EST

Oh my fuck. Seriously, my head is spinning from all of today’s activity. Maybe y’all trade deadline’s confused, today’s is only the NFL’s. The League’s deadline is not for another month. A lot of bullshit happened today. Listen to the podcast if you want a breakdown of everything. I’m only here to talk teams and results. So let’ start talking, starting with the worst team yet again…

#10. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Previous Ranking: 10)
It’s great that I can pencil in Bradley to the number 10 spot and just move on with my life every week. Seriously, did anybody expect anything different. A 50-point beatdown at the hands of #BrentsCommish isn’t good for much unless if you’re a fan of Brad’s standup aspirations. An already tall order was made even taller after Kyler Murray laid a dud on TNF and pretty much set the stage for how this contest was gonna go. Nick Chubb continues to majorly disappoint. Somehow the Eagles RBs accounted for 4 rushing touchdowns, and none went to Kenneth Gainwell. Speaker of Eagles, Devonta Smith and the former Bird Zach Ertz also missed their projections. Then there was Emmanuel Sanders who victimized Brad with our first goose egg of the season. **I’m sure it’s happened already but I’m too lazy to look it up** The only thing that saved Brad from having a historically awful performance (which from hence forth we’ll call “Pulling a Ryan”) was the Eagles D, who managed 20 big smacks against the lowly Lions. Somewhere my brother Ryan is crying. Somewhere a little further south, so is Brad. Sad.

#9. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 9)
Maybe one of these weeks Beans will turn it around. Sadly, it didn’t come against Abie in week 8. Brendan’s leading scorer for this week wasn’t even rostered until about 5 minutes before kickoff on Thursday, and even though Cobb only snagged 3 receptions, 2 of those managed to come in the endzone. Can’t complain about 15 points from Randall. You can complain, however, about Travis Kelce, the big addition from that ill-fated trade with Kris a few weeks back. Yeah, he’s TE1, but he has been struggling for Kelce standards and has largely disappointed in the Beans Corp lineup, refusing to eclipse 15 points for 6 games in a row now. You know who also sucked? Laviska Shenault, Courtland Sutton, D’Andre Swift and Tyler Higbee; all of whom scored below 5.6 points. Damien Harris is finally showing out as the feature back in NE so I guess that’s one thing you got going for you. Anyway, Beans has had a massive roster shakeup (check out this week’s pod for more) so who knows how things will turn out next week. But we’re all in agreement, something had to be done…and it was done.

#8. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 8)
I’m sorry to report, but Marzy is officially in a tailspin. Three straight defeats and three straight stinkers for our resident TikTok’er. I’ll switch it up and start with the good here… which was shockingly Melvin Gordon? I swear I’m not reading this incorrectly, old arthritis leg managed to double-dip into the endzone on a rush and a reception. Pretty rad! Ryan Tannehill continues to rock and roll in Tennessee after escaping the wrath of Adam Gase. Stefon Diggs and Diontae Johnson both missed their projection, but only slightly. Compare that to the rest of Ryan’s squad and there are basically prime Jerry Rice and T.O. Now for the bad, which is namely the WFT duo of Antonio Gibson and Scary Terry, both managed less than half their projected total. Scary Terry even managed to do so on Halloween! I guess he should change his nickname to not-so-Scary. Christian Kirk had 6.6, what more could you want from him? The Bucs D got ransacked up and down the field by Trevor Siemen of all people. All in all, just an ugly performance from Marzy who desperately needs a victory against the high powered Flandrew’s this week or risk another lost season.

#7. Jersey Jerry Seinfeld – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 7)
Alright Max, two things before I rip into you. First, please just stick to one team name for the season. This act is getting old and isn’t funny. Second, what the hell does your new name even mean? Jerry Seinfeld was born in Brooklyn and grew-up in Massapequa. He’s a New Yorker through and through. Read a Wikipedia article for once. Anyway, I already wasted enough of everyone’s time, so I’ll keep this one short. Your team sucked yet again. Mike Williams, Noah Fant, Zack Moss, Aaron Rodgers, and Mike Evans all personally owe you an apology. I’m crying… the one time you don’t play Elijah Mitchell of course is the week he goes for 19. It wouldn’t have mattered; this game was all Bonez. Anyway, Max was on the other side of the aforementioned trade with Beanso, so if you want my thoughts on the lookout for the rest of his season, best tune in to the latest episode of League Talk, the official podcast of The League.

#6. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 5)
I don’t actually think Thomas is the 6^th best team in The League, but I’m knocking him down a spot as a one-week punishment for the bullshit him and Jack tried to pull earlier today. I’m sure he doesn’t care about this arbitrary punishment, but it makes me feel better and overall more powerful, so fuck off. Besides, I had to shake up the standings somehow. Finally removed from bye-week purgatory, Bonez’s team was back to its winning ways. Ekeler and Najee must’ve used the bye week to rest their little legs, which allowed them to run all over Pats and Brownies respectively. It was easy to pick the right QB this week with only Stafford to choose from, and he added a strong 24 bing-bongs. Chase Edmonds, Tee Higgins and Van Jefferson all cracked double digits. I guess the only disappointment was Justin Jefferson, who settled for a measly 3.1 on his voyage to Trayvon Diggs Island. Thomas will have to take on Beans in the up-coming week without Jamarr Chase (because we veto’d that trade remember). Will it matter? Probably not.

#5. Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 6)
By default of Thomas dropping a slot this week, my man Kris Blaine shot up into the top 5 for the first time in weeks. Consider it a post-surgery present and well wishes. Kris was this week’s closest loser, dropping his game to Brent but only by 17. I’ve said all along that the trade for Davante and CeeDee really balanced out Kris’s team; and he’s had 3 great weeks in a row now. Aaron Jones got things going to a hot start with a huge 20 points on Thursday. It should have been more, but Matt LaFleur inexplicably refused to run the ball at the goal-line on that final possession. Josh Allen went off for a huge second half against Miami and dropped a 30 burger, also throwing 16 the way to his Bills (unvaccinated) counterpart Cole Beasley. In one of his last weeks of fantasy relevance, Chubba Hubba scored a respectable 13.6; and CeeDee accounted for 14 more on SNF. Hell, even Nick Folk kicked 15. However, it was all for naught as a trio of Florida based players doomed the Nordics. Gaskin, Lenny F and Gronk combined for only a dirty dozen. Had they just managed their projection, it would’ve been just enough to take down Brent. Damn. Kris has his second of three against Da Commish this week, so as Rocky III anti-hero Clubber Lang would predict, pain is in the forecast. Hopefully at least you’re hip feels better (I think that’s it, right?).

#4. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 4)
Abie, I’m sorry bro. Of every weekly team write up I’ve ever done, this one hurts the most… metaphorically and literally. In the past week, Abie has lost his golden child, Derrick Henry, and his ace in the hole, Michael Thomas. What a waste. Add on top of that prolonged injuries to Raheem Mostert, Julio Jones and Jerry Jeudy, it’s a miracle Abie has gotten off to the start he has. Hell, even James Robinson is questionable this week after hurting his ankle last game. Oh, and De’Andre Hopkins as well. Week 8 saw the 69ers defeat Beans Corp in a rather low scoring affair, 117-76. Can’t really fault Abie though when half his team went down early in their respective games. Out of those who played a full 60, he got good returns from his boys Michael Carter and Michael Pittman. Hey, maybe they can bring back the old Mike & Mike Morning show on ESPN. TJ Hockenson also had a strong 13 in his TE spot. You know who sucks now? Patrick Mahomes. He couldn’t even blow out the Giants at home at put up only a stinky 14. Anyway, moving forward, I really have no idea what Abie does from here on out. He quietly scooped up Adrian Peterson on Monday to replace Henry, but I doubt you can count on him to be anything more than a flex option, and a bad one at that. My deepest sympathies.

#3. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 2)
What?? You didn’t think I wasn’t going to punish Jack here as well? Well, as the other party involved in the tomfoolery with Bonez, I have no choice but to drop Jack a spot this week. For seemingly the 8^th time out of 8, my man Jack was the big winner of the week, dropping 160 big smacks in a complete beatdown over Marzy to move to 6-2 and maintain the #1 seed in The League. It’s easier to start with what went bad on Sunday for the JTT’s, only Dalton Schultz’s poor 2.1. Everyone else cracked the double-digit mark. Touchdown Tommy led the way with 25. Tyler Lockette, Tyreek Hill, Deebo Samuel and namesake Jonathan Taylor followed suit with 20 pointers as well. Randy Bullock punched in 12, including a game winner, and the Seahawks honored their fans, the “12^th Man”, by dropping a dirty dozen too. Everything went right on Sunday. Looking ahead to this week, Jack is pitted up against the beleaguered Abie and well get first crack at seeing a Henry-less 69ers. Still, this is a battle of two of the three 6-win teams, so a lot is on the line.

#2. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 3)
So who’s the big winner from the Thomas-Jack shenanigans? That’s right, ya boy, moving into this weeks top 2. I will not be apologizing. The fantasy Gods were kind to me in week 8, blessing me with an easy Sunday without any stress as I took care of business against the lowly Schlong’s by a 50-point margin. Working around Jalen Hurts worst performance of the season, the rest of the squad picked up their QBs slack. Darrell Henderson, DK Metcalf, and Chris Godwin all did as they do, finding the endzone and putting up huge weeks. Darrell Williams had a nice bounce back as my RB2, dropping 14 Monday night against the G-Men. Mike Gesicki, in his first start as a Friend, managed to meet his projection; and the Broncos D managed to block not one, but two Chris Blewitt field goal attempts. I guess you can say Chris really “blew it” against Denver, zing! The only real disappoint, yet again, has been my first-round pick Dalvin Cook, who couldn’t get anything going in front of a national television audience on Sunday night. Whatever. As the League’s #2 seed through 8 weeks, I’m not gonna get too fancy and do anything drastic (like start Alexander Mattison?).

#1. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 1)
Make it three straight weeks a top the leaderboard for the biggest, baddest man in fantasy football. Brent was without his top gun Dak Prescott for a week, but it hardly mattered as he easily cast aside Kris in this week’s closest matchup, 145-128. Joe Burrow filled in for Dak with a respectable 20 pointer, and his Bungals counterpart Joe Mixon scored 2 touchdowns, both coming in a loss to Mike Fuckin’ White and the Greatest Show on Turf (pick him up if you haven’t done so yet folks). The three headed monster of AJ Brown-Amari Cooper-Cooper Kupp combined for a near 70 (which alone would’ve nearly beat Beans Corp). All of that was enough to overcome a handful of poor performances, namely Zeke and Kyle Pitts. At least he has Dallas Goeddert to throw in there if need be. Somehow the Bengals actually managed to score 1 point even though they couldn’t do anything to stop the Jets’s own Mike & Mike, White and LaFleur. Brent should have an easy one in week 9 as he faces the Martians and tries to extend Ryan’s 3-game losing streak. That said, don’t take this one too lightly Brent, as weirder things also seem to happen in The League.

Biggest Rise: Norse Horse/Thomas and Friends
Biggest Fall: Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0/Buffalo Bonez

That’s it folks. I promised I’d get it done in time for Thursday Night Football. Speaking of which, I’ll be tuning in to watch your New York Football Jets go into Indiana and take down the Colts, much similarly to a glorious January afternoon in 1969. Go Jets and as always…

Go League!

I’d like to dedicate this opening paragraph to the Ravens D for allowing me to beat Bonez. -6 points is pretty hard to do, but you all picked the perfect week for a stinker. I’d also like to thank the NFL schedule makers for putting Buffalo on a bye and forcing Tommy to pick up Baltimore. I couldn’t have pulled it out this week without your combined efforts.

Now that I got that out of the way, it’s time to revisit our weekly power rankings.  This is probably the least movement we’ve seen in 7 weeks as teams start to distance themselves from the rest of the pack. Remember, these are only my opinion. Things may turn out very differently at the end of the season. So with that said, let’s get going with our 10 spot…

10. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Previous Ranking: 10)
 – See previous power ranking posts-
For the sake of time, not going to go to in depth on this one. You all know why Brad’s team is ranked as low as it is. His team is perfect combination of just plain bad and decimated by injuries. He won’t be leaving the #10 spot for quite some time. Moving on.

9. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 9)
Let me paraphrase the late, great, former Mets manager Yogi Berra — “It’s getting late early around here.” Brendan must start winning some ball games and soon before he finds himself too far out of the playoff picture. Desperate times call for desperate measures and my sources are telling me Beanso is willing to trade coveted TE1 Travis Kelce in an attempt to overhaul his roster and turn this ship around. Will he find a suitor? Stay tuned. Anyway, week 7 was not kind to my podcast co-host, losing a backbreaker to Max. Down his RB1, it was the other RBs on Brendan’s squad that picked up the slack with Swift and Harries both going for over 20. Derek Carr filled in nicely for Justin Herbert and Brendan smartly played the Pats D against my New York football Jets. That game was a massacre. Where did it go wrong? Look no further than the garbage WRs crop Brendan had to trot out there. Robby Anderson, Courtland Sutton and Marquez Callaway all scored in the single digits, yuck. I like ya Beans, so I’m rooting for a quick recovery for CMC. But something has to be done and quick to fix this mess.

#8. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 6)
Fuckkkk. This one hurt to write. After a hot start, my man Marzy has suddenly gone ice-cold, dropping each of the last two games without cracking the 110-mark in either. A painful defeat to Kris has seen Ryan drop to below .500 and currently out of the playoff picture. The Bucs D played their little hearts out to keep Ryan in the game, forcing 6 (six) Justin Fields turnovers. Christian Kirk, Scary Terry and Tannehill also outperformed their projections in the defeat. Ryan was doomed by poor performances from the normally reliable Mark Andrews and Antonio Gibson, while surprising starters Henry Ruggs and Mecole Hardman played their way back onto the bench for next week. I guess I can say that Melvin Gordon was ok. Good, not great. Anyway, let’s see if Marzy has any tricks up his sleeve as he looks to upset the #1 seed Jack in week 8. Do you believe in Miracles?

#7. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 8)
Alright, I’ll let you get your wisecracks out of the way. Yes, Max has a winning record. No, I don’t hate Max. I love Max. But despite his early returns this season, I still don’t think his team is better than any of the top 6 teams on this list, and these are my power ranking so what I say goes. Don’t like it? I invite you to write your own. Anyway, he is 8^th out of 10 in scoring after all. Besides Kamara, his RBs are Devonta Booker, Elijah Mitchell, Mark Ingram and Rashad Penny. Granted, to their credit, Booker and Mitchell has good games on Sunday and lead Max to victory over Beans, but I’m sorry… I don’t see Max having a deep playoff run unless he addresses that weakness. In a massive shakeup, Max is shipping out of town his namesake Darren Waller, along with Calvin Ridley, and taking in Mike Evans and Noah Fant. Well, Mike Evans sucks and Noah Fant is a downgrade from Darren Waller, so I’m going to hand Maxwell a fat L on that one. I hope I’m wrong, but when it comes to fantasy, I rarely am.

#6. Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 7)
Welp, we let it happen. Kris is officially back and out for blood. Well, back might be a bit of a stretch since he only scored 111 point this week, but it was still enough to beat Ryan in a low-scoring affair and double Kris’s winning streak to 2 games. Faced with a depleted roster from bye weeks and injuries, Kris ran the B squad out in week 7, rolling with Matt Ryan at QB, Hunter Henry at TE and Myles Gaskin at the flex. All three respectively met/exceeded their projections, so that’s a good roster management right there. Who did not meet projections you ask? That would be Chubba Hubbard, Aaron Jones, Jarvis and Rams D. The last on is surprising considering they played the Lions, but Dan Campbell and his cocaine infused gameplan seemed to thwart whatever Los Angeles threw at them Sunday. Davante Adams and the rebirth of Leonard Fournette in Tampa are both fantasy studs and Nick Folk kicked a big 13 points to get Kris over the hump and into the W column. I like Kris’s team moving forward, especially with David Montgomery soon to return. Did we fuck up by not burying Kris when we had the chance? Let’s hope not.

#5. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 5)
The Buffalo’s thankfully got DK Metcalf’d on Monday night and dropped their 3 straight after a hot start to the fantasy season. I’m not going to punish Bonez greatly for this one however, as it was a tall order going against one of the best teams in The League (me) without 4 key players on byes, Austin Ekeler, Najee Harris, Justin Jefferson, and the Bills D. Things looked bleak for the Bones’s after Noah Fant’s poor Thursday, but his Ravens duo of Lamar and Hollywood Brown linked up for a long TD and things turned around. Sadly, the rest of the Ravens weren’t so kind for Tommy, their defense got blitzkrieg’d by the mighty Bungals and took 6 points away from Tommy’s team total. I should’ve had this one wrapped up, but then Mike Evans happened. It was destiny for this to happen to me. I talk a lot of shit about you Mikey, but you bested me on Sunday. Three (3) tuddies, including Touchdown Tommy’s 600^th were nearly enough to pull off the upset. I’d also like to thank Ryan Succop for blowing a gimme 30-yard FG in that same Bucs game, or else I’d have been sweating it out even worse on Monday night. Anywho, Thomas now is the proud owner of one Calvin Ridley and Darren Waller, so let’s see if that is the recipe to get him back in the win column.

#4. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: Tied for 1^st)
Sorry about this one Abie. After last week’s unprecedented 4-way tie for the #1 spot, inevitably someone was going to have to be this week’s big loser. In a Battle of the Titans, the 69ers laid their first real egg of the season, barely eclipsing the 100-point mark in a 60-point thrashing by Brent which dropped our man out of The League’s top seed. Pat Mahomes was seeing ghosts as he and the Chiefs got their teeth kicked in by the real-life Titans. Fortunately, it appears he escaped that game with just a bad head bruise and will be good to go for week 8. Speaking of those Titans, Derrick Henry had a pedestrian game by his standards, mustering only 15 in that blowout win. DHop, Michael Pittman and Cardinals D all performed well and, as a Jets fan, I was encouraged by what I saw from Michael Carter, who was just about the only positive thing you can take out of that abysmal showing up in Foxboro. I think Julio Jones is suffering from a case of being too damn old to still be kicking in the NFL. The poor guy is constantly hurt or underperforming in a run-heavy Tennessee offense. Not all bad news for Abie, however, as it appears some of his key guys may be back this week to help a thin WR room. Jerry Jeudy, Sterling Shephard and perhaps Michael Thomas may all see action on Sunday. Fortunately, Abie’s got Beans Corp this week so I forecast only a one-week slip-up before he returns to his winning ways.

#3. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: Tied for 1^st)
Whew. I’ll be the first to admit that I barely skated by this week against a bye-week ravaged Tommy Bonez. Overall, my team’s performance this week left a sour taste in my mouth, but a win is a win, so I won’t apologize. 121 points, a season low, was barely enough to squeak it out, but that’s now 5 W’s out of the last 6 for those scoring at home. I owe it all too my main man Jalen Hurts, fantasy’s #2 QB. Can’t believe y’all didn’t veto that trade. I don’t think he’s a good QB, but he puts up a lot of garbage time points to churn out these overall solid fantasy numbers which is the only thing that matters to me, so in my eyes he’s a lock for Canton. He added a late touchdown in a blowout loss to the Raiders in a week I needed every point I could get. Speaking of those Raiders, I lost Josh Jacobs at halftime after he put up a big first half. He’s on a bye this week so hopefully he’ll be ready to go for week 9. Chris Godwin is a freaking stud and DK Metcalf did just enough (barely) on Monday Night to get me this win. However, my RBs took a hit as Darrell Henderson and Darrel Williams put out unusually poor performances. I still have ace in the hole Khalil Herbert so I’m not too worried. Anyway, I got Brad this week (pencil me in for an easy dub) so I’m already looking ahead to week 9 where I got a big matchup against the Nordics. Let’s keep the good times rolling.

#2. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: Tied for 1^st)
If the season ended today, the fantasy playoffs would run through Ardsley Drive. That’s sports banter for Jack is the #1 seed. Fortunately for everyone, the season does not end today. Unfortunately, Jack’s team looks almost unbeatable. Deebo Samuel, Tyreek Hill and Jamarr Chase form probably the best WR tandem of any team. It doesn’t even matter that Tyler Lockette now stinks without Russell Wilson. Jonathan Taylor is quickly ascending into Derrick Henry territory, he’s an absolute stud behind that Colts offensive line. I can’t believe Cordarrelle Patterson is a weekly RB play, I don’t even have a witty joke I can make about him. He’s just flat out good. And then there’s Tom Brady, who at age 44 is the fantasy QB1. I hate this guy more than any athlete that has ever played a second of professional sports, but I’d be remiss to not admit what he’s doing in year 20 of the NFL is astonishing. I still have questions/concerns about the depth of Jack’s roster (Mike Davis?, Devin Singletary?, Jamaal Williams?) but the JTT2.0’s should have built up a sizeable enough lead that he should have a playoff spot wrapped up quickly. Let’s hope nothing happens to JT.

#1. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: Tied for 1^st)
He’s big, he’s bad and he’s back as the sole owner of the #1 spot on Da Commish’s power rankings. A convincing 60 point victory against the former #1 seed 69er’s is enough to break the four way tie and earn The Flandrew’s the top spot; and he did it all without his top dawgs on the Cowboys. It was a different two-headed monster that got Brent going on Sunday, Joey B and Mixon absolutely crushed Baltimore in convincing fashion. The old two TE play worked out just fine, Pitts and Goedert went for 30 points. AJ Brown is seemingly healthy and back to his old ways and what can be said about Cooper Kupp? I still kick myself for taking Josh Jacobs over him at the draft. You know it’s a good fantasy week when you’ve done everything right, meaning that your all-Pro kicker, Justin Tucker, was the lowest scorer for the week. I kinda want James Conner back, we’ll talk. Anyway, look for Brent to continue his winning ways now that he survived the Cowboys bye week and will have Antonio Brown back soon. Congrats on the top spot bud.

Biggest Rise: Norse Horse/Waller Nothing
Biggest Fall: HOCKEYPRO69

There you go. No longer a 4 way-tie at the top. Everyone ranked unbiasedly one through ten just like a power ranking is supposed to. We’re officially at the regular season’s half-way point so things are starting to get dicey, just the way I like it. We got a good one to kick-off week 8 as the Packers take on the NFC leading Cardinals. Anyway, see you all at the Lake House (facetime us Max) for a nice weekend of boozing, comradery, and more than enough fantasy banter that’ll make all non-League members want to rip their heads off, I’m sure. Well, it’s their loss.

Go League!

Wow. What a freaking bloodbath. Scary season is officially upon us, and The League did its best to join in. There were more than a few ugly, horrifying performances this week and it’ll take a proper fantasy brained genius to analyze it all. Fortunately for everyone, I fit that bill. So in keeping up with this week’s theme, allow me to put on my Victor Frankenstein hat and dissect the monster that I created, beginning as always with number 10….

#10. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Previous Ranking: 10)
A moral victory! Unfortunately, they don’t count any extra in fantasy as they do in the real sport. Still, I must acknowledge the vast improvement in the Bradley’s this week, even if they dropped a big one to Kris. 115 point is normally a meh game, but still a 30-point improvement over what I predicted on this week’s pod. Kyler was back doing Kyler things, playing like an MVP frontrunner in a blowout at the Dawg Pound. Also, it appears the Phins got a good one in Jaylen Waddle, 24 for #17 across the pond. And the biggest story of the week was R. Stevenson (not even bothering to lookup that first name) rewarding Brad’s faith in giving him the rarest of starts and finding the endzone against Dallas of all teams. That must’ve felt good. Hell, even Zach Ertz scored in the double digits. I want to keep Brad’s write-up a positive one, so I won’t mention his shortcomings, but nonetheless, still something to build off as we near the season’s mid-way point.

#9. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 8)
The era of good feelings for Beans Corp fans lasted all of one week. It was one step forward, three steps back. At a glance, the final score of our game was much closer than the actual competitiveness, as some late garbage time touchdowns from Robby Anderson, Courtland Sutton and D’Andre Swift moved Bean’s projected points from like 85 to 105. Anywho, I already mentioned what went right, now let’s discuss what went wrong — which was pretty much everything else. Brendan was victimized by usual culprits Jerrick McKinnon, Miles Sanders and Robby Anderson, the last of whom can’t escape the ghosts of Sam Darnold. Poor guy.  Last week’s hottest waiver addition Kadarious Toney was doomed from the day he put on a Giants jersey and he naturally got hurt. However, the biggest disappointment had to come from Justin Herbert who could only muster 11 against Baltimore. While Bean’s tries to ast least stay afloat without CMC for another couple weeks, hopefully the rest of his squad can step it up.

#8. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 7)
Have the wheels finally fallen’ off for everyone’s favorite Southerner? Maxwell, who has recently navigated some tough sledding and still managed a 3-2 start through 5 games, ran into a hungry Brent and absolutely got his teeth kicked in by the defending champ. It was always going to be a tall order this week with Kamara/Ridley out on byes, but I would’ve liked to see more of a competitive fight put up by the Waller’s. Channeling his inner Gene Hackman, Max trudged out the Replacements, led by Kareem Hunt (who promptly got hurt), Zack Moss, Devonte Booker and Tim Patrick. Obviously, this strategy did not work and the actually good players on Max’s team were unable to dig him out of an early hole. Mike Williams had the most obvious Mike William’s game of all time. At least Rodgers and Thielen both are playing well. Anyway, Max has already emphasized his need of a quality RB and is looking for a trading partner, so perhaps a new look roster for next week’s game will be just the need Max needs to right the ship.

#7. The Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 9)
Is Kris back??? It appears for at least one week that is the case. Who knew that all you need to remedy a slow fantasy start is to face Brad? It was the CeeDee Lamb show that led Kris past the aforementioned Brad with 31 big ones in his inaugural game as a Nordic. What’s this now? Leonard Fournette is suddenly good at football? I guess a little bit of Tom Brady’s greatness has rubbed off on the Tampa RB.  The Rams defense against a mush-brained Daniel Jones was the most obvious play of all time. Seriously, Kris should be locked up for taking advantage of a super concussed man like that (but all kidding aside someone on the Giants needs to be fired for that decision). The Packers dynamic duo was rock solid with 30 points and Chubba Hubbard continued to take advantage of playing time in CMC’s absence. Kris was burned by the Myles Gaskin experience again, sad, but the rest of his team performed well enough to double his win total in a laugher. Watch out boys.

#6. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 6)
Is Ryan back… to being bad at fantasy??? For at least one week, it also appears to be the case. Sorry Marz. The Martians suffered from one of their worst scoring outputs of the season, dropping a stinky 91 points in an easy defeat by Abie. Due to unfortunate injuries to his QB depth, Ryan was forced to play the other triplets out of the NFC East – Taylor Heinicke, Antonio Gibson and Scary Terry. The three combined for just over 17 points, or about half of what Derrick Henry dropped on them. Not a great ratio. Melvin Gordon is still a thing. Sadly, it appears we were all duped by Tyler Boyd’s fast start to the season. He, as expected, has turned it around – which is to say he’s back to being bad. The good was Stefon Diggs, Mark Andrews and Dionte Johnson. Hopefully we’ll be able to chalk up this week’s performance to unfortunate injury luck and Ryan will be back to selling #PlayoffMarz t-shirts. We’re all rooting for you. At least Ryan hit that monster parlay so maybe he’s this week’s big winner after all?

#5. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 4)
Just edging out the previously mentioned Marzy, my man Tommy Bonez must be kicking himself this week after barely losing a very winnable game against Jack to extend his losing streak another week. The ten-point deficit he suffered can be attributed to playing the wrong QB for the second week in a row, but this time it was Lamar who let down the Buffalos with a disappointing 11 points. Somehow, the Ravens still managed to blow out LAC, even though Hollywood Brown disappointed his way to 5.5 points. Notch this one as a victory for Vigs in my never-ending beef with Mike Evans, I told you he stinks! Seems like only Najee and Noah Fant got the memo that Bonez needed to pick up a dub this week, so good for those guys. The rest of his lineup, not so much. Again, the bench warriors, namely Alex Collins, Latavius Murray and Matt Stafford would’ve been enough to get Tommy the win. Perhaps Bonez should stop wasting his time and money fixing up his condo and instead invest instead in a time-machine.  I wish you good fortunate as you set your lineup for Sunday. Actually, we play each other so please pick the wrong QB again 😊.

–Prepare for something wild–

#1. (4-way tie) Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 3)
Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 2)
The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 4)
HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 1)
Woooh, what the fuck happened here? Let me fill you in. I’ve been staring at the fantasy app and the top 4 teams for about an hour and a half; analyzing, ranking, and re-ranking them — and making my head spin. Honestly, you can make a fair case for ranking any of these teams in some combination of one through four. Since I can’t make up my mind, and for the sake of finishing this column and getting back to work, I’m just gonna go ahead and lump them all together. So, congrats to Abie, Brent, Jack and myself on being ingrained in history as the first four-way tie atop Da Commish’s power rankings. Let me state my case for each one:

Abie: Has the best record, but only 4^th most points scored. Capitalizing on the easiest schedule, Abie has gotten off to a rip-roaring start despite injuries decimating his RB/WR room. Once the 69ers are at full strength, Abie will be very much in the running to take the championship belt from his Albany brethren…

Brent: The “anti-Abie”. Brent has benefitted from the highest scoring team but has suffered from the second-hardest schedule. Add that up and you get a 3-3 record, the worst of the 4 teams tied for the top. However, Brent should benefit from playing in the opposite division as Abie, Jack and I and is clearly the top dawg in our Eastern division.

Jack: My gganbu and writer of the two-best columns on this blog, Jack has my vote as the early front-runner for Coach of the Year.  I’m convinced he’s got some kind of super Excel formula running his team like Jonah Hill in Moneyball. Whatever he’s doing, it’s working. Tied for second in both best record and for most points scored, plus throw in a head-to-head victory against Da Commish, the JTT2.0’s makes a strong case for the number one spot.

Me (Da Commish): Who is Jack tied with for second best record and points scored? That would be yours truly.  I basically make the same case as above for Jack. Interestingly, I am the only one of the 4 teams to have a H2H matchup with each of the others, accounting for both of my losses in high scoring affairs (to Jack and Abie respectively). Anyway, it’s my rankings, so I’m always gonna find an excuse to give me the top spot.

There you have it, an unprecedented four-way tie for the #1 spot. I hope you all recognize the history that was made here. One more sleep till week 7 kicks off with a lousy Baker-less Browns v. the Broncos. I’ll probably pass since I have no one going. The Knicks tip-off in their opener tonight so that will be cool. I’ll be splitting my commissioner duties for the time being between The League and fantasy basketball. Don’t worry though, The League and #MBS will always be my first love.

Go League!

**Disclaimer: This was written yesterday I just forgot to post it in the haste of preparing for last night’s podcast**

5 weeks down, 12 more to go before my crown our 4^th champion in LeagueStory. Already, the playoff picture is taking shape. Some teams are flying high, others are crashing low and plenty of teams in-between. I’m sure you are all waiting with baited breath to find out where you fall in this week’s Power Rankings. Well, wait no longer. Let’s jump right into it with our numero diez…

#10. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Previous Ranking: 9)
Brad commented last week that one day he will crack the top 8 in #BrentsCommish’s weekly power rankings. I’m sorry Brad, but you’ll have to wait another week. Actually, I’m starting to doubt that that day will ever come, especially after seeing Saquon’s ankle get rolled over the way it did on Sunday. Ouchie. Not that a fully healthy Saquon would’ve made much of a difference. Brad was finally victimized by a pedestrian Kyler Murray on Sunday which pretty much ruined any chance of an Abie upset. The only folks on Brad’s team who came to play were Nick Chubb and Robert Loggia Woods. Somehow the Charges scored 47 points and Keenan Allen only mustered 75 yards, yikes. You know your team sucks when you resort to starting Zach Ertz, double yikes. Not much else happening on Brad’s bench to note. Anyway, I’m bored with this team so moving on.

#9. Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 8)
Another week, another move in the wrong direction for the Nordics. Last week’s number 8 team dropped his 4^th game out of 5 in the early portion of the season to the devilishly handsome and always good at fantasy Vigs. Hey, that’s me! Sorry about that bud. Anywho, Kris had a pretty meh performance,. 126 points is not too great, not too bad, but it definitely wasn’t enough to top ya boy. It looked like it was going to be way worse, but Josh Allen laid the beatdown on prime time television against KC. Too bad not enough of those gorgeous passes went to Stefon Diggs. Damien Williams showed the importance of a quality handcuff RB so good job there. Lenny Fournette escaped the barren wasteland that is Jacksonville and is suddenly a good fantasy player – who’d have thought? But too little from his receivers, namely Marvin Jones and Jared Cook, flushed Kris’s chances at a victory like a big ol’ turd – synonymous with his current team.

#8. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 10)
He’s bacccck. Nobody, and I mean nobody, needed a victory more this week than last week’s biggest loser Beanso. And for most of Sunday, it looked like it was gonna be another long one for my podcast co-host. However, Justin Herbert would not let Beans go down in vain, single handedly snatching victory from the jaws of defeat with a 40 burger and putting Beans Corp back into the thick of things on the fantasy season. D’Andre Swift had another big game. Courtland Sutton mustered 20+ points and Travis Kelce more than made up for last weeks stinker. Add that all up and it was enough to take down the hottest name in fantasy in what was probably the best game of the weekend. Beans should be worried about his thin RB depth behind Swift (at least till McCaffrey comes back) as Miles Sanders and Damien Harris aren’t going to cut it. Still, nothing but positive vibes coming your way this week.

#7. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 6)
I guarantee I’m gonna be hearing from him after this one but I don’t care. I said it after last week and it remains true, Max’s team is a fraud. It sucks to score in the 130s and lose huh? Which is unfortunate because this was one of Max’s better weeks of the season. Alvin Kamara turned back the clock all the way to 2018 and finally had a big week. Kareem Hunt enjoyed a nice afternoon in that wacky Browns-Chargers game that saw a billion points scored. Speaking of that game, Mike Williams went OFF. We all know this by now, but he’s actually having a good year, I can’t explain it! Goes to show how far a stud QB can carry an otherwise very mediocre WR core. Anyway, that was about all the good for the Waller’s. Their namesake Darren and the Raiders have come back to life with another stinker. Alex Collins and Zack Moss? I guarantee in the history of fantasy football, this was the first time that combo of RBs every started in the same lineup. I don’t know what’s good with Adam Thielen either. And Aaron Rodgers could only muster 19 against the friggin’ Bengals? I don’t even have a joke for that one – he just stinks.

#6. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 7)
Cue the damn music. “He ain’t go-ing nowhere….” Seriously, King Marzy is 3-2 through 5 weeks and fully in the Fantasy playoff race. The big story this week? Mark Andrew dropping 36 Big Macs in that crazy Monday Night game in Baltimore. Ryan only needed about 4 points heading into that one, but Mark secured Marzy the victory with relative ease. The other big guns Davante Adams and Antonio Gibson laid the beatdown in #PlayoffMarz’s upset of Brent. Unfortunately, it might be hard stringing wins together moving forward considering Russell Wilson is down for a few weeks. We’ll also see how Ryan’s affected by the big trade that went down, seeing him ship out Adams and CeeDee to Kris, who was in desperate need of a team makeover, for Chris Carson and Stefon Diggs. Bold strategy Cotton, let’s see how it plays out.

#5. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 2)
Ok, I’m getting a little sick of writing about Brent getting fucked over on Monday Night Football. Wait, who am I kidding, it’s hilarious! Still, Brent is putting up with the likes only seen before when Alex (RIP) started like 0-7 in 2019 despite being the second highest scoring team. A pretty mediocre 120 was not enough to top the Martian’s as Brent dropped his third straight. Simply put, it was the Zeke and Kyle Pitts show for The Flandrew’s on Sunday. Thanks for showing up guys. Sadly if you’re a Brent guy, they’re all who showed up. DJ Moore, Cooper squared (Amari and Kupp), AJ Brown and Mixon all sucked with a capital S. I know he’s gonna act like it’s all good and he has everything under control, but we know Brent is secretly dying on the inside. We all expect better. Brent, maybe start preparing a few standup jokes.

#4. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 4)
Not gonna penalize my man Bonez here for dropping his first game after a three-game winning streak as Tommy remains in the number 4 spot. The same thing holds true as always, Austin Ekeler is a freaking monster *as long as his hammy remains intact*. I told y’all Najee Harris was gonna be the next Le’Veon in Pittsburgh. You’re welcome for the advice Tommy. Also, you’re welcome for Mike Evans. He stinks but he must have a personal vendetta against Da Commish because he keeps proving me wrong. Sadly, OBJ ACTUALLY stinks and at this point is looking like he should barely be playing CFL football, let alone on Sunday. I have no idea what happened with Chase Edmonds. Did he get hurt? Genuinely have no idea. Justin Jefferson definitely did not get hurt, however, so 15 points from him is a disappointment considering what he averages weekly. Does Matt Stafford stink suddenly? 16 points against the SeaGirls is horrible. Anyway, Bonez, you can’t win ‘em all.

#3. Thomas & Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 5)
Yeah, my all around solid team continues to do all around solid things. At least 130 points for the 5^th straight week (only guy in The League do so) and a victory against arch-rival Kris, it was a good Sunday. Speaking of good Sunday’s, DK and Dawson Knox had GREAT Sunday’s (ok, DK’s was technically on Thursday). The best handcuff in football continued to rock ‘n roll in Dalvin Cook’s absence (thanks Max!). Hurts, Henderson and Jacobs all had pretty average games for their liking, but it didn’t matter. I even correctly played Corey Davis over CEH. It’ll be interesting to monitor the RB2 position going forward with CEH’s MCL all banged up. But, as I expected this to happen, I snatched up his handcuff Darrel Williams last week while y’all slept. Go Me!

#2. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 1)
Shocking, I know. Abie wins and drops a spot? That’s more of a testament to our yet-to-be-revealed number 1 team. Anyway, Abie continued his hot streak with an easy victory against Brad, which was good news for Abie considering his man Patrick Mahomes had probably the worst game of his acclaimed career. Derrick Henry shit-kicked Urban Meyer and the Jaguars on Sunday for like the billionth time and his counterpoint James Robinson was not too shabby either. Add some solid performances from Michael Pittman and De’Andrew Hopkins and it all adds up to a 4-1 start for the 69ers and the top seed through 5 weeks. It’s amazing he continues to win considering all the injuries Abie’s suffered (Jeudy, Julio, Mostert, Shepard). Will his luck run out? Will he finally get healthy? Will I figure out a clever way to finish off this team write-up? Spoiler, I can’t and I really want to finish this before the Rangers game so let me continue on to….

#1. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 3)
Get ready to change your GroupMe name bud. Through 5 weeks, my roommate and gganbu Jack has accumulated the most points in The League (I’m a close second let me add). Still, let’s not take anything away from the JTT2.0’s. I’m just gonna put it bluntly, there’s no explanation for how he does it, but Tom Brady continues to ass fuck Father Time. Touchdown Tommy is playing arguably the best QB’ing the sport has seen at age 44. I laughed when he first picked up Cordarrelle Patterson, but now it’s Jack who is laughing all the way to the bank with 15 points and a TD against my Jetsies. Sigh. I’m pissed off I didn’t take Jamarr when I had the chance, easily the ROY front runner. But the MVP for Jack on Sunday actually came on Monday night! His namesake Jonathan Taylor needed only 3 points against Baltimore to secure victory, and managed only 10x that. Rodrigo added 5 points before rupturing every ligament/tendon in his kicking leg for good measure. So with all that, we got a new front runner for the championship belt.

Biggest Rise: Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0/Bean’s Corp/Thomas & Friends
Biggest Fall: The Flandrew’s

Ah yes, finished just in time for puck drop. Let’s Go Rangers. Anyway, don’t reflect on these rankings for too long. Week 6 kickoffs in twenty-four hours with a doozy, the defending champion Bucs against the scumbag Eagles, sorry Brad. You know I’ll be watching intently. We know the Bucs will win by 30 but I’m rooting for 2 garbage time touchdowns from my main man Jalen as he always does. So, with the well wishes of my fantasy QB in your thoughts, let me leave you with the two greatest words in sports…

Go League!

Damn, is it October already? The fantasy season is flying along at an alarming rate, and I can’t believe it’s already time to update this week’s power rankings. Feel’s like just yesterday I was analyzing the rosters post-draft. Fast forward to now and certain teams are riding high while others are completely dismantled – with plenty of teams falling somewhere in-between. I hope you’re all wondering where your team falls. If you aren’t and are just scrolling through to find Jack’s latest LeagueStory or whatever the fuck he’s got drummed up for us this week, well I’m disappointed. But I digress. Anyway, here we go…

#10. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 6)
Jesus Christ. Beans, I won’t blame you if you want to keep scrolling here. There’s not much to report other than that your team is I currently a complete dumpster fire. I mean seriously, your team is putting up early day Ryan performances. I knew it be tough sledding this week from the jump after CMC went down and you lost the bidding on Chubba Hubbard. Things only got worse as the Bengals defense Bungled and only scored 1 measly point Thursday night against Urban Meyer. Pathetic. Sunday did not prove much better. I’ll keep it short because I’m sure everyone is aware and doesn’t need the full recap – but Sunday was about as bad a fantasy day as we’ve all seen. Keep your chin up, these weeks happen. But for at least one week, we have a new team in pole position to the stand-up stage. Yuck.

#9. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Previous Ranking: 10)
Who was the biggest winner from Bean’s abortion of a week? Brad of course. Consider it an early wedding present from Brendan. Well Brad’s week 4 went about the same as his first 3 week, which in short means not good. But hey, you’re out of the #10 spot. What do you know!? The Giants blocked just well enough to allow Saquon to show off his massive quads and finally put up the big week we all know he’s capable of. 2 tuddies for the former Nittany Lion. Kyler was good again – leading his Cardinals to victory over Los Angeles – let’s see if history repeats itself on Wednesday (NL WC game reference for those who didn’t get it). Apart from that, more general badness plagued Brad’s team as he dropped his 3^rd straight. Forward looking, I’m comfortable having Brad over Beans since Saquon is looking more and more like what made him the #1 pick just a few short seasons ago, and Bean’s is just not healthy at the moment.

#8. The Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 8)
Coming in at 8 for the second consecutive week is our Nordic brothen. Kris was the big winner of the Chubba Hubbard sweepstakes dropping 41 dunkaroos for his services (its fake money anyway, kind of like our national debt). Unfortunately, Kris couldn’t drop any FAAB on a win – losing a low scoring affair to the Maximillians. Again, the injury bug reared its ugly head as David Montgomery, who looked prime to have his breakout game of the season, went down with an apparent knee injury that’ll sideline him indefinitely. Josh Allen and Diggs connected for a nice 40 burger between them. But apart from that, not much else went right. Carson, ARob and Aaron Jones all mustered less than 10 – yucky. But the real story was Kris getting confused and accidentally starting the Clarkstown North Rams defense against Arizona, who rightfully got abused for -5 points. No wait, I’m told it was the real NFL Rams that played on Sunday – I could hardly tell the difference! Anyway, Kris, as a veteran of this League, you should have known better. And I expect better going forward.

#7. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 9)
Choo-choooooo! You hear that? That’s the Martian’s bandwagon rolling into town after a big victory over the Schlong’s. Four weeks, 2 wins for #PlayoffMarz – his best start to date in four years of The League. Russell Wilson, Scary Terrys and Diontae Johnson’s big weeks were more than enough for Ryan to secure the bag against a lowly Brad – but Gibson and Bucs D outscored their projections as well for good measure. I know I sound like a broken record, but I still hate Ryan’s RB room. Melvin Gordon going against a strong Ravens run d did what we expected, not much. David Johnson did even worse so at least Ryan played the right of his two shitty options. Davante and Mark Andrew had meh performances and CeeDee Lamb was just straight bad. Did he get hurt? I genuinely don’t know cause I paid zero attention to the ‘Boys game but 2.3 points is concerningly low. Anyway, if he did, its not like Ryan wouldn’t have the WR depth to stay afloat for a bit.

#6. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 7)
What can I say about Max? To put it bluntly, Max is a fraud 3-1. Middle of the pack sure and better than the teams lower down on the list, but his team has underperformed what his record indicates. Put it this way, of all the teams with multiple wins, Max is the lowest scoring by quite a bit. Still, you only must beat who you’re going against – so no Max will not be apologizing. However, he should be apologizing for making us all suffer through his long-winded ode to Mike Williams on the pod last week. Well, Mikey finally proved who we thought he was all along, backing up his boss’s shit talk with a stinker. More of that to come, I’m sure. A-A-Ron is back to playing like the incumbent MVP again so that’s good news. Kareem Hunt is also pretty good despite being the #2 back in a loaded Browns backfield. Outside that, not much was happening for our man. Didn’t matter though on account that Kris’s team stinks.

#5. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 1)
Motherfucker. A steep drop this week for #BrentsCommish after a stinker vs Abie. You may say 130 points is nothing to sneeze at, but quite frankly, my team left a lot of points on the board. And I needed to take this one against an injury depleted 69ers team. This’ll sting for a while. Look no further than Dalvin Cook, Chris Godwin and Josh Jacobs who couldn’t get anything going on Sunday/Monday. I knew it was a tall order considering Cook and Jacobs were returning from injury but come on boys – I DEMAND better. Hell, even Matt Gay missed a 40 yarder, a 5 point swing! Jalen Hurts was rock solid and Clyde Edwards-Helaire is suddenly good? I’ll take it. Also my live on the pod waiver addition of Dawson Knox proved to be one of the best moves of the week, 2 touchdowns! Sadly, it was all in vain. Looking forward to having a bounce back performance against Kris this week or else I might be in serious trouble.

#4. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 5)
Whoah, who saw this turn around coming? Not me, that’s for sure. My man Tommy Too Hotty is not just hot aesthetically, but his fantasy team is currently roasting. 3 straight victories after a dropping his inaugural matchup with Brad has seen Bonez climb all the way to the top of the standings and in a three-way tie with Max and Abie. I think technically he’d be first in a tiebreaker. You might be asking yourself why is he only ranked fourth? Well, it’s my column so I make the rules. Let’s start with what went right this week, which to put short and sweetly was everything except OBJ (any maybe Mike Evans?). I must highlight the Buffalo Bills D – who honored their namesake Bonez with an outstanding 21 points. Austin Ekeler, Chase Edmonds and Najee Harris are a powerful 1-2-3 RB punch. Hell, he won and even played the wrong QB (only by .14 pts). Especially if you can consistently count on double digits points from Noah Fant, I don’t see many holes on this roster. Keep up the good work Bonez (hopefully Ekeler doesn’t get injured).

#3. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 3)
Jack, the only negative thing I can say this week is that for your sake, you probably wish you didn’t waste this week’s performance on Beans. In the law of averages, you’re bound to put up a stinker eventually, so you might as well have cashed in on Bean’s anomaly this week with a slightly less of a stinker yourself and saved your 166 big ones (and this weeks high score) for a more worthy opponent. That’s even counting the Saints D’s -3! Someone check the data, but this may be the first 100+ point margin of victory in LeagueStory. The story of this week was the WMD that Tyreek Hill, Deebo Samuel and Cordarelle Patterson dropped on Beans Corp. 105 combined points for the trio – more than enough to take down Beanso themselves. To top it off, Jonathan Taylor finally played like a first round pick and sniffed the endzone for the first time on the season. It really didn’t matter that Tom Brady, Jamarr Chase and George Kittle sucked – this one was a laugher from the get-go.

#2. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 2)
Remember last week’s Monday Night Massacre? It happened again, and Brent was victimized for the second week in a row. Not gonna lie, I kinda love to see it. 150 tall boys wasn’t enough to take down the hottest name in fantasy. Still, Brent’s the highest scoring League member through 4 weeks, so respect must be put on his name. This matchup came down to what is so often does, the defenses. The Broncos couldn’t get it done against Baltimore, and the 21 points Brent surrendered to Thomas’s defense was enough to ensure defeat. Naturally the Cowboys’ triplets had another monster game. Its scary to think that maybe Zeke is back. If Zach Wilson continues to play like he did on Sunday (hopefully for my sanity he does) than Corey Davis becomes an automatic weekly starty. Cooper Kupp finally had a pedestrian game, but you can’t really complain there, he’s still WR1. Unfortunately, Joe Mixon went down with a knee injury late on Thursday’s game, another reason why short weeks just suck in general. Anyway, Brent will look to end his 2 game losing streak against the rival Martians in what may be this weeks game of the week. Stay tuned.

#1. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 4)
Congrats Abie, you bettered me. Defeating the previously ranked #1 team is grounds to shoot up the board into this week’s #1 spot for the third time in 5 weeks. Not even my perfectly constructed team could match up with the greatest QB in NFL history, Pat Mahomes, who anal raped the Eagles secondary all Sunday long with five tds. At least one of them went to CEH. James Robinson and Derrick Henry also decimated the lowly Bungals and Jets defenses, each scoring a touchdown and adding an additional 20+ points. Tyler Bass added 16, Ravens D had a late pick in the endzone (a four point swing in our matchup) and Renfrow tacked on 13.5 Monday Night. All pretty good performances. Going forward, you’d like to see more from big names like DHop and TJ Hockenson. All in all, at full strength, the 69ers are just the best team on paper. And being 3-1 despite all the injuries shows you what a behind the scenes genius our boy Abie is – the early frontrunner for Coach of the Year.

Biggest Rise: HOCKEYPRO69
Biggest Fall: Thomas and Friends/Beans Corp

The pod should be an angry one this week so stay tuned. Anyway, I gotta sit down and watch the Red Sox hopefully lay the beat down on $324 million-dollar man Gerrit Cole, a nice little baseball break during the week as the NFL season rolls on. We also have to look forward to a decent TNF football matchup for once as the Rams visit the Seahawks. Both will be looking to keep pace in a loaded NFC West. Hopefully Jamal Adams does something embarrassing. I’m rambling so I’ll leave you all with the sweetest two words in sports…

Go League!

I apologize for posting this a few days later than normal. It’s been an absolutely crazy last 72 hours for your fearless leader, but I made a commitment to you all and there was no way in Hell I was allowing the power rankings to wait another day. Bear with me, my brain is still fried from getting Xuong’d in the early morning hours of Wednesday (I’ll explain what that means at a later date), so my attempts at humor may prove futile. Anyway, let’s jump start this weeks power ranking with our number 10…

#10. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Pervious Ranking: 8)
The early part of the season has not been kind to our league newcomer and groom-to-be. As with each of the first 2 weeks, Brad’s team was not able to muster much despite Saquon’s biggest game of the season. Unfortunately for Brad, Kyler Murray allowed other AZ Cardinals to score touchdowns against the Jags, and couldn’t meet his lofty projections – which pretty much doomed Brad from the start of Sunday. I have to mention that Brad was also victimized by the first case of the the Will Fuller effect on the season, see Rondale Moore. Brandon McManus and Keenan Allen kept this one from being an absolute blowout, but things have to turn around quickly for Brad or else he’ll be playing for draft position come the second half. Oh wait, this is fantasy football so that doesn’t even matter. Sucks to be Brad I guess.

#9. The Martian’s – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 6)
There were quite a few teams in the running for this spot and from my point of view, the next 5 or so ranked teams are all pretty similar and depending on the week can fall anywhere. For now, I’ll put Marzy here mainly because I think looking forward, his team will struggle the most. The Martian’s only have 3 RBs on their team, two of which are not even #1 options in a RB by committee system, a concerning lack of depth. Ryan is very deep at WR however, so maybe a trade could be had? This week, Playoff Marz got burned by TB defense, Terry and CeeDee, all of whom missed their projections. Russell Wilson wasn’t great either. Outside of Davante, no other notable performances from the Martian’s. I’m already bored of looking at his team so I’ll just move on.

#8. The Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 10)
Finally picking up his first win of the season was enough to move the Nordic’s up 2 spots in the rankings, even though they remain the lowest scoring team that does not play their games in South Jersey. The story of last week was the timely trade that saw Kris balance out his team and acquire one of the premier WR-QB combos in the NFL with Diggs and Allen, adding a decent RB in Chris Carson, while shipping out Kelce. Got all that? Anyway, Kris took down the roomie Jack and dropped a pretty average 122 points. I think the Bears offense is gonna suck going forward which is bad news for Montgomery and Allen Robinson. Honestly, if not for Aaron Jones and Josh Allen, Kris probably loses this week more often than not. But, 8th is still better than 10th, so keep up the good work pal.

#7. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 9)
Joining us on the Podcast this week, Max came out spitting facts about Mike Williams. I am sorry I ever doubted him. With Justin Herbert slingin’ it, Magic Mike has enjoyed a start to the season that parallels the likes of Jerry Rice, Terrell Owens and Pablo Sanchez. So after making that admission, Max’s team on paper is good enough to jump up 2 spots here. I still don’t love a Kamara/Elijah Mitchell running back room. Starting 2 Minnesota WRs is a dicey situation, escpecially when one of them is the previously unheard of KJ Osbourne. I think Max often times tries to get too cute and outsmart himself with his decision making. Just look at the fact that he’s been in on every random RB that makes news even though they suck (LeVeon Bell, Kerryon Johnson, Devonta Freeman). All are worthless as fantasy options. Moving on.

#6. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 7)
Looks like Bean’s finally figured out they key to victory – score only 108 points! Well, that works when you go against Brad. Anyway, Beanso is finally off the schnide mainly because Justin Herbert finds playing NFL football too easy. D’Andre Swift continues to roll and Arizona was the defensive pickup of the week (I should’ve dropped some FAAB on that one). Not much else went right for Beansy but it didn’t matter, this game was over the moment it started. It’ll be a slog for the next couple weeks as Brendan has to work around CMC’s hammy, shocked he wasn’t in play more for Chuba Hubbard. This is why we handcuff! James White also is out for the season now, not that you would play him much anyway.

#5. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 5)
126 points and a victory over the Martians was enough for the Buffalo’s to hold onto the #5 spot for another week. Najee Harris, Austin Ekeler and Justin Jefferson all rock and rolled, combining for half of Tommy’s point total. 14 points is very respectable for shitty Mike Evans, don’t count on it every week. The bad this week were Noah Fant and Ty’Son Chicken Williams, but nothing you can really do about that. Tommy got some good news with OBJ back to provide some depth for that flex position, so something to look at going forward.

#4. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 1)
Ouch, it was tough to be Abie’s team in more ways than one. The 69ers finally dropped their first game of the season in week 3 to Max, but the story of this matchup was the damage done to Abie’s lineup. DHop, Julio and Sterling Shepard are all banged up and their availability in the immediate future is in doubt. Not exactly what you wanna see when your top 2 WRs on the bench are currently on IR. As I write this, I see Abie is already scrambling to add depth and picked up slot gawd Hunter Renfroe out of Vegas for $11. Hey Abie, I’ll take Derrick Henry off your hands if you want to try and work something out. Throw in a bad week for TJ Hockenson and Patrick Mahomes (by his standards), Abie was only able to muster a measly 106 points on Sunday. Tough sledding ahead.

#3. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 3)
Hey Jack, maybe come up with a fancy chart that will help you win games? I kid, I kid, you do a great job with your weekly content. Sadly, the same couldn’t be said for the JTT2.0’s on Sunday. While you were out experimenting with some mind altering drugs and listening to Fall Out Boy or whatever the fuck you do at GovBall, your team was falling apart on the field. Still waiting on that breakout game from Jonathan Taylor? Cause it wasn’t this week. Tyreek, Singletary, Kenyan Drake, Deebo and Tyler Lockette all struggled mightily. Save for Tom Brady scoring a bunch of garbage time touchdowns and a pick 6 and 3 turnovers by the Saints D, it could’ve been an all time bad week. Heck, they happen. Jack’s still the #3 highest scoring team on the season so no need to hit the panic button just yet.

#2. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 2)
This one hurts to look at, but as someone who likes to see Brent suffer a little bit, I am happy nonetheless. Brent was 2.02 points awat from being this weeks highest scorer for the 2nd time on the season… and still managed to lose a close one. I honestly thought this was a wrap after the 1:00 games on Sunday, but Cooper Kupp and the Bronco’s D had other thoughts. Things couldn’t have been closer heading into MNF, with the Cowboys triplets within striking distance of pulling off a comeback. Zeke and Dak had good games, but fortunately/unfortunately Amari Cooper had one of those weeks were he disappeared and it wasn’t enough. Joe Mixon, Kyle Pitts and AJ Brown all disappeared for large stretches of their game. Not even the longest kick in LeagueStory (thanks for that portmanteau @Jack) could bail out the Brent’s on this one. And like that, no undefeated teams remain.

#1. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 4)
Well, we all knew this one was coming. For the second year in a row, I went on the pod and guaranteed that I’d hand Brent his first loss of the season. And for the second year in a row, I delivered. No Dalvin Cook, no Darrell Henderson, No Josh Jacobs, it didn’t matter. Alexander Mattison is the best handcuff in the NFL (thanks Max – how’s Parris Campbell treating you?). I picked up Emmanuel Sanders for FREE on Sunday morning cause I had a bad feeling about starting James Conner. Well Conner managed 17 points, but Sanders dropped 23 and that was the difference between victory and defeat for Da Commish. DK finally DK’d for the first time in 3 weeks, and CEH got the message after I put him on blast after week 2. Just don’t fumble next week please! Godwin and Hurts did alright, but Jonnu didn’t. He’s already gone as I picked up Dawson Knox, Go Bills. Anyway, let’s keep the good times rolling with a week 4 pounding of Abie.

Biggest Rise: Thomas and Friends
Biggest Fall: HOCKEYPRO69/The Martian’s

After 3 weeks, thing are pretty much shaping up to what I expected. The two preseason favorites, Brent and myself, are at the top. Ryan is not. Still, a loooong way to go so don’t get discouraged. First and last place are separated by only 1 game – a league first! Anyway, I gotta take a nap as I’m still running on fumes. Enjoy Joe Burrow and Trevor Lawrence tonight before their respective offensive lines have them hospitalized with broken ribs.

Go League.

Oh man, is it already time to update the Power Rankings? Chet YouBetcha it is. I always say that week two of the regular season is the most important game you play all season. A 2-0 start can springboard your fantasy team for a deep playoff run. An 0-2 start, you might as well pack your bags and start preparing for next season (or in our case for the standup stage). Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to face the embarrassment of an 0-2 start and fortunately for yours truly, I faced Max in a laugher and avoided that dreaded fate. The same can’t be said for everyone, however. So without further ado – let’s jump into this week’s rankings with our number 10 team….

#10. The Norse Horse – Kris Blaine (Previous Ranking: 7)
Am I really dropping Kris to last place this early in the season? You’re goddamn right. Kris has had a disastrous start to the 2021 campaign, dropping his first two games without much of a fight. While things certainly improved over last week, still not nearly went right enough to keep either game all that competitive. I wrote last week about how I expected Allen Robinson, Josh Allen and Damien Harris to perform much better. Well guess what? They didn’t. It appears the Myles Gaskin experiment has ceased, as Kris benched him and his whopping 6.6. Jarvis and Juju are both tremendously overrated. Pretty much only Kelce and Aaron Jones showed up this week, not enough if you’re a Kris fantasy football supporter.

#9. Waller Nothing – Max Cohan (Previous Ranking: 6)
Oof. This was just one of those weeks. We’ve all had them before and for as long as we play fantasy, we’ll continue to have them. But they still hurt all the same. Nothing, absolutely nothing, went right for Max on Sunday. From about 2:00 in the afternoon on Sunday on, Max’s win probability did not climb above 1%.  What do you expect when someone in your lineup drops a goose-egg, and still wasn’t the worst guy on your team. I’m speaking of course of Jason Sanders and Steelers D (fuck you Lebron). Kamara had one of those games we’re he disappeared. Max is scrambling to find a reliable RB2, and I’ll tell you it isn’t Elijah Mitchell – thanks for literally handing Kyle Pitts to Brent. Your WRs actually put up a respectable 45 points combined, but far too little from everyone else doomed Max’s fate as he settled for the number 9 spot. Gotta get better.

#8. South Jersey 4^th & Schlong – Brad Peddito (Pervious Ranking: 8)
Well, if it wasn’t for Max’s abomination, I’d probably have dropped Brad a spot here. Maybe you should send some sort of Edible Arrangement Max’s way for keeping you numero Ocho. Week 2 really stung as Brad dropped a very winnable game against the defending champion Flandrew’s. I tried to warn y’all in last week’s column- I’ll say it again in case you missed it. Saquon Barkley is doo-doo. Can’t expect to win many games when you’re number 1 draft pick is so shitty. Kyler Murray remains Brad’s lone bright spot, scoring another 4 tds. Put his little legs and rocket arm couldn’t drum up much scoring for the rest of the Brad’s lineup, which combined for a measly 70 points. Devonta Smith kinda stinks, so does Ronald Jones. The best thing I can say is Nick Chubb did kind of ok and Brandon McManus is good. That’s about it.

#7. Beans Corp – Brendan Cahill (Previous Ranking: 3)
Is it to early to hit the panic button here? Not for the Corporation which demands excellence and has the track record to back it up. Bean’s is a hard luck 0-2, but winless all the same. And for that, I can’t justify him being any higher on this list. What went right in week 2? For one, CMC did what he does, no further explanation needed. Courtland Sutton, Chris Carson and Stefon Diggs performed well. And as I write this, the Pats D just intercepted Zach Wilson again. So what went wrong? Well – he faced Ryan who was desperate to end his own losing streak. Tampa’s D recorded 2 pick 6’s in about 5 min and doomed any chance of the Bean’s winning this week, but I won’t go much further into that game because at number 6 we got the aforementioned…..

#6. The Martians – Ryan O’Connell (Previous Ranking: 9)
Marrrrzy. The comeback kid and feel-good story of The League, Ryan needed a victory in this one to get his season on track. And get one he did. Scary Terry and Russell Wilson dropped a combined 55 big ones, Davante Adams and Diontae Johnson had nice bounce back performances and Tampa’s two pick sixes was easily enough to eat a W as Jameis Winston would say, even with Melvin Gordon still as your RB2. I’ll trade you CEH for him straight up. Only kidding (or am I?). Hey Beans, at least the Cowboys won.

#5. Buffalo Bonez – Thomas Antonello (Previous Ranking: 10)
You know the saying “Oh how the mighty have fallen?”. Well I guess this is a case of the unmighty rising. Last week’s last ranked team and lowest scorer, the Buffalo’s went worst to first in week 2, leading the way with an outstanding 162 points andgood enough to shoot up 5 spots week to week. Everybody on Bonez’s team minus Succop scored in the double figures, exactly the kind of production you want to have. Najee, Ekeler, Justin Jefferson and Noah Fant all bounced back. Mike Evans and Bills D exploded all over the expense of all 10 combined Falcons and Dolphins fans. But the story of this week was Lamar, who minus an opening pick 6 absolutely demolished the Chiefs D, going for 32 points and (even more impressive) a victory over Pat Mahomes. Keep this up and next year Bonez will be showing up at the draft wearing his signed Austin Ekeler jersey.

#4. Thomas and Friends – Andrew Vignali (Previous Ranking: 5)
Keep the ball rolling, keep the ball rollllllling. Back-to-back strong performances from a suspect at best squad entering the season has seen yours truly rise 5 spots from our initial power rankings and into the top 4. Where did I go right? Well I had the foresight to see the Bears D matchup against the lowly Bungles and snatched them up for free off the waiver list Saturday morning. 3 Joey B interceptions later and I was on the right side of a laugher against Max. Jalen Hurts, Dalvin, Godwin and Brandin Cooks all rocked – thanks guys. Now for the bad, Clyde Edwards Helaire. C-E-H is playing more like P-O-O, dropping a measly 2.6 points and literally fumbling the game away against Baltimore. So far he seems like a wasted 2^nd round pick. Jonnu Smith and DK both sucked as well. And lastly, I’ll be remise to not mention the injury bug struck Darrell Henderson, forcing him to leave in the 3^rd Quarter against Indy. Something to monitor going forward along with Josh Jacobs’s ankle. But for now, the number 4 spot for the 3^rd highest scoring team through 2 weeks sounds about right. Go Me.

#3. Jonathan Taylor Thomas 2.0 – Jack Staub (Previous Ranking: 3)
Motherfucker, why couldn’t I play Jack this week? Not that 129 point is anything to sneeze at, but it’s a sharp drop from the 157 the JTT2.0’s dropped last week.  If you’re asking yourself what happened, look no further than Tyreek Hill, who last week couldn’t stop scoring TDs, and this week largely disappeared. Good game planning from the Ravens, I guess. I might put out a hit on Tyler Lockett if he keeps stealing targets and points from my man DK. Deebo, Jamar and Singletary did good. Jonathan Taylor and George Kittle did not. Just one of those days. For the first time in the history of fantasy football, someone (Jack) is really regretting not starting Cordarrelle Patterson. One day that might end up a Jeopardy question. Lastly, Tom Brady played better than Zach Wilson. Shit happens.

#2. The Flandrew’s – Brent Gotkin (Previous Ranking: 1)
To say Brent was lucky to escape this week with a victory is an understatement, which sucks for everybody else. Brent was the 8^th highest scoring team on Sunday, but was victorious on account that I scheduled him to play Brad, sorry folks. Still, Brent is 2-0 and most of us aren’t. Last week we had Max winning with his QB scoring under 10, this week is was Dak’s pitiful 7.48 that somehow got the job done. I’ll say this, Cooper Kupp is the best (white) wide receiver in the history of the NFL. Prove me otherwise. AJ Brown, Amari Cooper, Kyle Pitts and Joe Mixon did mostly nothing. Did it matter? No, because Zeke scored a touchdown for the first time since 2018 and DJ Moore now has the Golden Child Sam Darnold playing QB in Carolina. Man, I wish the Jets had someone like him. Anyway, wasn’t really impressed with Brent’s team all that much but a win is a win, so the #2 spot it is.

#1. HOCKEYPRO69 – Abie Leider (Previous Ranking: 2)
One week out of the top spot was one too many for my man Abie. It looked like for much of Sunday, Abie was going to be an unhappy camper. But then Derrick Henry awoke, remembered that he is literally a man playing amongst boys and made the Seahawks D looks like Bishop Sycamore for much of the second half. You remember how the whole stadium would yell at Forrest Gump to run, and then he’d go 95 yards to the house untouched until the fans yelled to stop? It was essentially that. Thankfully Derrick’s IQ exceeds 75. Pat Mahomes only scored 23, which for a mortal QB is more like a 13 point game, so I guess he kind of stinks now. DHop scored 13 points through the first quarter and then didn’t record a single target the rest of the game. Didn’t matter. Honestly, the rest of Abie’s team did nothing spectacular. Nothing bad obviously, but a lot of meh performances, nothing to write home about. But I like him better than Brent and so for at least one more week, Abie is king of the castle.

Biggest Rise: Buffalo Bonez
Biggest Fall: Beans Corp

That’s all she wrote on week 2. Come back next week to see where your team lands after what is sure to be an entertaining week 3. Don’t go spending all your FAAB all in one place. And as always, Go League!