Beans

Power Rankings: Week 8

Derrick Henry suits up at practice, hoping to give it a go for a week 9 matchup against the JTT’s

*Disclaimer: I’m writing this introduction as of Tuesday night, 8:19 p.m. EST

Oh my fuck. Seriously, my head is spinning from all of today’s activity. Maybe y’all trade deadline’s confused, today’s is only the NFL’s. The League’s deadline is not for another month. A lot of bullshit happened today. Listen to the podcast if you want a breakdown of everything. I’m only here to talk teams and results. So let’ start talking, starting with the worst team yet again…

The NFL Trade Deadline Article

The NFL trade deadline is a few days a way. Yay. I guess. The NFL deadline is traditionally, by far, the most boring in all of sports. The week leading up to the deadlines in the MLB and NBA are jampacked with wild rumors and actual action. Remember, Scherzer confirmed to San Diego only to get shipped off to their rivals in LA? Wild! NFL – eh not so much. However, we can make the trade deadline a bit more fun when analyzing the fantasy implications of potential moves. Let’s get into it!

Two Year Anniversary!

Today is two years from the first documented use of “Must Be Sunday” according to my Timehop! While the phrase itself may only be two years old, the meaning behind those three simple words has existed among human beings for ages. Or at least since the NFL’s founding in 1920.

Power Rankings: Week 7

The Ravens D helped Da Commish power his way to victory against The Buffalo’s with a historic -6 point performance

I’d like to dedicate this opening paragraph to the Ravens D for allowing me to beat Bonez. -6 points is pretty hard to do, but you all picked the perfect week for a stinker. I’d also like to thank the NFL schedule makers for putting Buffalo on a bye and forcing Tommy to pick up Baltimore. I couldn’t have pulled it out this week without your combined efforts.

Power Rankings: Week 6

Its the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown Halloween ABC television special i got a rock — Kris hands Brad a fat “L” in The League’s biggest matchup on the young season.

Power Rankings: Week 5

Hollywood badboy Brent Gotkin rehearses some standup material as his shitty team disappoints in week 5 with another stinker against The Martians

**Disclaimer: This was written yesterday I just forgot to post it in the haste of preparing for last night’s podcast**

Power Rankings: Week 4

Chiefs' Tyreek Hill 'categorically denies' hurting son in letter to NFL — Tyreek Hill enjoys a nice postgame moment with his son Beans after dropping a 40 burger, leading the way for Jack to easily take their week 4 matchup

Damn, is it October already? The fantasy season is flying along at an alarming rate, and I can’t believe it’s already time to update this week’s power rankings. Feel’s like just yesterday I was analyzing the rosters post-draft. Fast forward to now and certain teams are riding high while others are completely dismantled – with plenty of teams falling somewhere in-between. I hope you’re all wondering where your team falls. If you aren’t and are just scrolling through to find Jack’s latest LeagueStory or whatever the fuck he’s got drummed up for us this week, well I’m disappointed. But I digress. Anyway, here we go…

Power Rankings: Week 3

Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen | Know Your Meme — Fresh off a 72 hour bender, Commissioner Vigs earns some much needed shut-eye after a statement victory in week 3, reminding everyone in The League who’s still Top Dawg

I apologize for posting this a few days later than normal. It’s been an absolutely crazy last 72 hours for your fearless leader, but I made a commitment to you all and there was no way in Hell I was allowing the power rankings to wait another day. Bear with me, my brain is still fried from getting Xuong’d in the early morning hours of Wednesday (I’ll explain what that means at a later date), so my attempts at humor may prove futile. Anyway, let’s jump start this weeks power ranking with our number 10…

Power Rankings: Week 2

Derrick Henry workout video insane Titans - Music City Miracles — Derrick Henry runs through a defender on the way to carrying Abie to the #1 spot in this weeks power rankings

Oh man, is it already time to update the Power Rankings? Chet YouBetcha it is. I always say that week two of the regular season is the most important game you play all season. A 2-0 start can springboard your fantasy team for a deep playoff run. An 0-2 start, you might as well pack your bags and start preparing for next season (or in our case for the standup stage). Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to face the embarrassment of an 0-2 start and fortunately for yours truly, I faced Max in a laugher and avoided that dreaded fate. The same can’t be said for everyone, however. So without further ado – let’s jump into this week’s rankings with our number 10 team….

Power Rankings: Week 1

Tyler Lockett celebrates after one of the many ass fuckings he delivered Commish Andrew Vigs

God, what a week it was in the fantasy world. After a 255 day wait, Thursday morning finally arrived and I turned into a 6 year old boy waking up on Christmas morning again, excited for what the week and season would bring. That feeling lasted until about 7:00 on Sunday after I got the shit kicked into me by Jack’s three headed monster known as Tyreek Hill-Deebo Samuel-Tyler Lockett. Whatever, its one week. No team in NFL history sans the ’72 Dolphins has run the table and neither has a proud franchise in The League — so I was bound to lose eventually. Might as well get it out of the way early.