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I cannot believe the last few days happened. Myself, Andrew and some assortment of the Boken Boys and call in’s will do our usual deep dive tomorrow but I’ve been jacked up for nearly 24 hours so I needed to get some thoughts down on paper (my phone screen) to try to chill.

To quote Andre Romell Young, M.D, “damn that shit was dope!” Max and I had a stinker but it ended with possibly the most stressful and entertaining Monday night game in League history. Andrew had an all time come from behind win over Kris. This week had incredible playoff performances, unforgivable duds, love, magic and a bizarre case of the Seahawks not announcing who was playing quarterback for them until 8:10 pm. Pure cinema.

I heard Kris is now permanently mute. Someone told me that. Truly heartbreaking for the defending champ and all around nice guy. He really got boned by Justin Herbert’s injury and Derek Henry having a historically bad day. Andrew gifted Kris five free points to start the week on Thursday night by starting Chargers D/ST. Through Saturday and the early slate on Sunday it was looking mighty sunny for Kris. Back to back champ type shit. Unfortunately, the blue skies gave way to Hurricane 4:20 Slate. My. God. CMC and James Cook combined for 74.3 points. Kris couldn’t recover. Barn burner. Real good matchup.

On the flip side, max and I both sucked. I had debilitating injuries to big names like Josh Jacobs and Chris Olave and extremely poor play from my season saver Dak Prescott and soon to be former big name Breece Hall. Max’s team played like a 5-9 team. He also left a lot of points on his bench. Ultimately, Max willed himself to defeat. I have never encountered a more negative miserable person in my life. Every fifteen minutes on Monday he would text me some variation of “congrats on the win.” Not just during the game but from the moment I woke up. He was very clearly trying to do the old reverse jinx but all it did was aggravate me. I hit him with the reverse double jinx card which led to the dreaded triple jinx. True “Art of War” shit. Beans Tzu.

I cannot wait to talk about this mayhem with my friends on the pod. It is crazy to think there are two weeks of this left. One of my business guys told me there’s a bidding war between major Hollywood studios to get the rights to this story. Miles Teller will finally get Best Actor in his magnum opus performance playing Beans.

I’m dead. Vaxxed?

When I was baptized in late 1996 or early 1997 (I don’t know how old babies are when they take the plunge) the water must’ve been contaminated with bad juju. I’ve never dealt with any loss whatsoever, I grew up in a stable home, I’ve never wanted for anything, I’m pretty smart and have a fulfilling job, I have wonderful family and friends and have countless happy memories. My life has seriously been an endless loop of good luck and good times. With all of that being said I can’t help but to think I’m cursed. Maybe the baptism water was actually budlight.

All night Jalen Hurts looked like a deer in headlights. I believe he had less than 2 points going into halftime. One tush push and Jake Elliot extra point later I’m up by just over ten. Our friend Watson at ESPN keeps telling me I’m still going to win. Luckily I know better. I know how it goes. I texted it to Kris this afternoon. I told him Hurts would start slow and then score some late bullshit shove touchdowns. One monster pass to D. Smith and tush push later I’m losing by just under two points.

I needed the chiefs to score a quick touchdown and then hurts throw a pick. Unlikely but not outside the realm of possibility. If it was anyone else in the League it would’ve happened. But because it’s me and everything sucks always you know how it goes. Mahomes had a dime to MVS which would’ve set them up for an easy td. Maybe they even would’ve pushed Pat’s tush. Instead he has the worst drop I’ve ever seen. A couple plays later the chiefs are at about 4th and 150,000 and they don’t convert. I lose.

Not only do I lose but the Eagles win which actually pisses me off in real life more. This was an all around catastrophic night.

I never get wins like this. I never get wins like this. I never get wins like this.

I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Every week it’s some fucking bullshit, man.

I would like to make the playoffs because it’s fun but honestly the stress of win or go home is too much so I won’t even mind if I’m on the outside yet again.

That’s not to say I won’t be trying my hardest. I’m going straight to confession tomorrow to account for the few sins I’ve committed since I last went to confession in probably 2010 before my confirmation. After I tell the priest about the one time I accidentally cussed in 2013 maybe he’ll give me some fantasy advice. Or will use his godly magic power to transport me back in time and prevent football from ever being invented.

Onward.

There are a few things we need to address right off the top.

First of all, we all know this is a 2-for-1 special. I was busy last week celebrating my birthday and didn’t care to jot down notes when listening to the Week 10 episode. So here’s my brief recap: Jack is back and Meghan does the intro now. Cool. Certified Fresh: 69% 🍅.

Now let’s get into the important things — Andrew’s hatred for The 1975 and his love (???) for Nicolette? His words, not mine.

In one of the stranger episodes in recent memory, Vigs went off the rails when the topic of The 1975’s concert at Madison Square Garden came up. The pod was recorded early as a result of his attendance at the event, a musical group that he said he was not excited to see and only knew one song, “Sex.”

As if that weren’t enough, he then tried to cover his tracks when Beans and Bones pushed for more information, saying that he “loves” Nicolette. Is this breaking news? Has this been said before? We may never know, but it’s out there now.

Things took an even more interesting turn when “Hot ass peppers” or “Hot, ass peppers” entered the conversation. Either way you read it, it’s a problem. The latter is significantly worse, in my opinion.

And one last thing. Do we need to sign Beans up for The Voice? He really showed off the pipes with his rendition of Halsey’s “Bad at Love.”

Now back to football. There was a lot of disrespect put on the name of Tommy Devito. My former Syracuse brother may be a bad quarterback, but he deserves your respect. He also has the same name as one of the original Four Seasons, so that’s kinda cool.

Okay, finally the good stuff.

Brad vs. Ryan: 2 for Brad, 1 for Ryan

Vigs: Brad (128-114)

Beans: Brad by six (team was updated live!)

Bones: Ryan (114-112)

Brent vs. Abie: 2 for Brent, 1 for Abie

Vigs: Brent (135-108)

Beans: Brent by 10,000 (N/A)

Bones: Abie (137-131)

Bones vs. Jack:

Vigs: Jack (119-114)

Beans: Bones (133-112)

Bones: “Me” (124-114)

Vigs vs. Max: All on Vigs

Vigs: Vigs (131-119)

Beans: Vigs (N/A)

Bones: Vigs (122-117)

Beans vs. Kris: 2 on Beans, 1 on Kris

Bones: Kris (121-118)

Vigs: Beans (117-111)

Beans: “Me” (123-121.6)

The boys forgot to update the power rankings this week.

This episode, running one hour and 25 minutes, is among the season’s best entries. For that, it is ABSOLUTELY Certified Fresh: 94% 🍅.

“The light has gone out of my life,” – Theodore Roosevelt.

Mr. Prez went dark on us back in that sad day in 1884. But here in early November of 2023, I feel him.

In the midst of contacting Louis C.K. and Chris Rock for advice on long standup sets, I decided to take some time to listen to the BV Boys (Beans and Vigs) talk shop.

Let’s be honest, this league is all based on luck and if you think otherwise, you’re wrong. Jack, run the numbers.

Speaking of, I don’t believe Jack has run ANY numbers this season. What gives? Still, Jack, run the numbers.

Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

No Zook or Bones this week (or food delivery), no problem. Vigs found a way to misquote Forrest Gump, a brutal start to the action, but the team we know and love recovered to bring us another commute killer.

Let’s get down to the meat and potatoes. Predictions:

Brent vs. Jack:

Beans and Vigs: Brent by a billion

Max vs. Kris:

Beans: Kris

Vigs: Obviously Kris (not by a billion)

Ryan vs. Thomas

Beans: Thomas

Vigs: Thomas because of Diontae Johnson

Vigs vs. Abie

Beans: Vigs by 40, Abie’s team leaves “bad taste” in his mouth 😱

Vigs: Taking himself because he “has to” win this game

Beans vs. Brad

Beans: “I think I’m gonna win” – has Breece Hall and Ja’Marr Chase

Vigs: Heart saying Brad, brain saying Beans — ended up taking Beans

Now let’s take a look at the power rankings:

Beans: 1. Brent 2. Thomas 3. Kris 4. Beans 5. Brad 6. Jack 7. Ryan 8. Vigs 9. Abie 10. Max

Vigs: 1. Brent 2. Kris 3. Thomas. 4. Beans 5. Vigs 6. Brad 7. Abie 8. Ryan 9. Jack 10. Max

The wins have to count for something, right?

This episode was a one-hour and 13-minute roast of my life. It was fair and balanced. It is certified fresh, 73% 🍅.

Is this the fall of Rome? Perhaps not, but without two-thirds of BVB (Beans, Vigs, Bones) the show must go on. And it did.

Many wondered if Bones and Zook had the “right stuff” to handle business alone. As the Crimson Tide football team says, “Let a naysayer know.” The rest of the league is now on notice.

That being said, this week’s review will be brief since I’m at Auburn and won’t have time to get into the nitty-gritty. It’s also coming a few days late. As a result, I’m giving my review a preemptive 66%🍅.

Bones and Zook got the job done like pros, and in record time — just 52 minutes this week.

Here’s what we know: Brent, Kris and Bones are in a league of their own right now. It would take a miracle for any other team to win the chip and that’s just the way it is.

With my recent bad trade (the jury is still out on whether it’s actually a bad trade) I am 2-5 and beginning to draft a 10-minute standup set.

That being said, this week’s pod was fresh and lively. Plus we got the great news that Zook will not need surgery after all. Put that all together and we have one of the best shows of the season. You bet it’s certified fresh, 90% 🎃.

The future is female and League Talk is finally on board.

For the first time in the history of the show, a female voice was heard on the program. The legendary Arielle Pistiner, a long-time friend and Brent’s first girlfriend, called in to discuss the No. 1 topic in all of football: Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift.

Though that relationship has little to no impact on the fantasy season, it was nice to see that the BVB crew (Beans, Vigs, Bones) still has some tricks up their sleeves. Despite some technical issues, the very special guest may be just what the program needs to finally get over that sponsorship hump.

I also hopped on the pod, tough act to follow. My time was short but sweet, explaining the trade that I pray will lead me to the promised land. We’ll check back on that in a few weeks.

But even before the call, there was a moment that most listeners probably questioned. Vigs had something he wanted to say but didn’t. He wrote his thoughts down but we never got to hear them. What did Vigs’ message say? We may never know (please text me, I want to know).

As he has seemed to do every week, Vigs put on another pronunciation clinic. This week’s was a doozy, as he couldn’t get “Acuña” out correctly. First of all, it’s Uh-koon-yuh, not Hakuna Matata. Secondly, how do you not know this? Not only is his brother Ronald the MVP but he’s also been bashing the Mets for years now.

To make matters worse, he also had trouble with the word pronounciate in a variety of different ways I don’t care to write out phonetically.

Now let’s get to the only important part of the show — the picks.

Ryan vs. Jack
All on Ryan
-Beans: Ryan (103-88)
-Vigs: Ryan (N/A)
-Bones: Ryan (96-82)

Brad vs. Abie
All on Abie
-Beans: Abie (112-102)
-Vigs: Abie (N/A)
-Bones: Abie (117-106)

Kris vs. Vigs
Two on Kris, one on Vigs
-Beans: Kris (117-101)
-Vigs: Vigs (121-114)
-Bones: Kris (127-101)

Bones vs. Max
All on Bones
-Beans: Bones (123-99.9)
-Vigs: Bones (N/A)
-Bones: Bones (122-110)

Beans vs. Brent
All on Brent
-Beans: Brent (145-102)
-Vigs: Beans and then he hit the uno reverse so Brent (“Fuck Brent” – Vigs)
-Bones: Brent (132-98)

The guys also did a brief Dudes vs. Dogs segment but it wasn’t worth breaking down.

At one hour and 26 minutes, this episode felt a bit too long. Somehow, even at that length, we had zero (0) food delivery interruptions. With the first-ever female guest, and no Ryan, the show found a way to cross the finish line but not in a position to place. This episode is still certified fresh: 69% 🍅.

“R.I.P. grandpa, you would have loved Sapphires.”

Any episode with a line as powerful as that MUST be a winner.

De’Von Achane is a two-time loser this week. In addition to hitting the IR with a knee injury, Vigs still can’t get his (or Jared Policar’s) name right.

A PSA: After his four touchdown performance Sunday, Dolphins’ rookie RB Devon Achane informed the team that, moving forward, he would like his name to be pronounced De-Von A-Chan.

Not A-Chain, as it currently is listed in the team’s media guide. A-Chan.

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) September 25, 2023

We can only hope this tweet will make a difference going forward.

The original duo handled business this week, with Zook (Zuke?) and Tommy Bones off the mic. Tommy still contributed from the sky, sending texts that Beans read for him.

I don’t know if we need to have Uber Eats or DoorDash start paying the show but the food delivery interruptions found their way into yet another episode. How was Chipotle?

This week also marked the return of the power rankings. Here’s how things stack up in the minds of Beans and Vigs:

1. Brent
2. Kris
3. Thomas
4. Brad
5. Beans
6. Max
7. Abie
8. Vigs
9. Ryan
10. Jack

“Write about this.” Vigs, Wednesday, the 25th is marked on my calendar. See you in Bama.

If you didn’t stay until the end of the pod, you missed some wild discussion about Taylor Swift being a HUGE League Talk fan and her inviting the show to record live on the European leg of the Eras Tour. Phenomenal content.

Week 6’s entry clocks in at just under an hour and 12 minutes. In my humble opinion, this is one of the season’s best episodes. No doubt, it’s certified fresh. 96% 🍅.

A Tuesday night pod will always make things interesting. Guys on byes, waiver moves not yet made and a whole host of other things.

And yet, none of that could prepare us for one of the wilder opens in League Talk history.

Not normally known for his vocal talents, Brendan “Beans” Cahill flashed the pipes with his own version of the 2006 classic “Hey There Delilah.” This cut took a turn from the original, moving the central theme from love to hate as he sang of Joe Burrow’s struggles. I was truly touched by this moment. It’s even more impressive when you stick around to learn that Beans pulled a Jay Z and wrote the entire joint in five minutes.

Eventually, the regularly scheduled programing resumed as the gang (minus Tommy Bones) attacked the Week 4 action. It was an embarrassing week for many league members, this humble hack included.

Once game talk started, Andrew continued to showcase his command of the English language, adding two new names to his victim list: De’Von Achane and Matt Breida. He also called me Jack. We’ll get ’em next time, bud.

New to the pod this week was a food delivery interruption. Not once, but twice. If listeners weren’t hungry before, they were when the poultry arrived.

I also made a guest appearance on the show this week. Ratings boost anyone???

We also got some important injury updates. Zuke (Zook?) is now listed as “day by day” as he continues to recover from a skateboard assault and Beans is back at full strength.

The Week 5 episode runs just over an hour and 23 minutes. With singing and jokes, this entry is absolutely certified fresh. 87% 🍅.

A broken hip and a mouth injury suffered during a “tumble.” No, this is not the injury report from your local nursing home, it’s a status update on two of your favorite Hoboken residents.

In the history of fantasy football podcasts, rarely, if ever, have two hosts been as disheveled as Ryan and Brendan this week. Honestly, it’s hard to say if two roommates have ever had a week like this in recorded history. Jack, run the numbers.

For years now, loyal “League Talk” listeners have hit play on Spotify, or other streaming platforms if you’re a loser, to enjoy the weekly program on the way to work, while taking a shit, or doing a number of things it’s best not to put in writing. But today only today, Thursday, Sept. 28, 2023, had I decided enough was enough.

Puka Nacua and Rachaad White. What do they have in common? Well aside from being on NFL rosters, they have names Andrew Vignali is unable to pronounce. For weeks, Vignali has struggled with White’s name. Despite corrections from other hosts of the pod, the butchering continued this week. To make matters worse, this week the twin added rising star Nacua to his list. Sources tell me this was the final straw for Brent, who was on the verge of driving off the George Washington Bridge when he heard it.

Clocking in at one hour and 17 minutes this week, the pod was 80% killer and 20% filler. With Vigs, Beans, Bones and Zuke (Zook?), there were some great comments and reaction to the week’s slate.

This week’s episode is certified fresh 92% 🍅.