Author: maxattack96

Claude Cap: Week 4

In an effort to save time, and effort, I am letting a super computer write our weekly recaps now.

Claude, the floor is yours.

Week 4 Fantasy Recap: Where Dreams Go to Get Benched

Matchup 1: Let A Naber Know vs. THE Norse Horse

Let A Naber Know 124.32, THE Norse Horse 94.54

Let A Naber Know wins, and the real story is Norse Horse’s lineup card, which reads like a crime scene. Ja’Marr Chase, Ladd McConkey, and Kenyon Sadiq combined for 4.2 points, which is what you’d get from three guys who stayed home. Sadiq and McConkey each put up a perfect, immaculate zero. That’s discipline.

The tragedy is the bench. Drake Maye dropped 26.16 while sitting next to Tyler Shough’s 15.94, and Rome Odunze (12.4) and Jared Goff (20.48) also rotted on the pine. Norse Horse’s bench outscored the starters at the FLEX, WR, and RB/WR spots combined. Great news for next week: he can simply start his bench. Bad news: he won’t.

Let A Naber Know had a perfectly fine week, thanks mostly to Rhamondre Stevenson, Malik Nabers (20.2), and a kicker who only went 3.0 and still wasn’t the problem. Congrats on the win, you left 13.56 points on your bench in Bo Nix, which you did not need and I don’t understand.

Matchup 2: Trevvy McLawrence vs. Gay for Tay

Trevvy McLawrence 86.38, Gay for Tay 141.32

This was a blowout of historic cruelty. Trevvy started Saquon Barkley, who gave him 1.5 points. Saquon! The man you drafted in the second round! Dalton Kincaid added 1.2, and Stefon Diggs chipped in a 6.0 as the cherry on a very sad sundae.

Meanwhile Trevvy left 17.0 from Carnell Tate and 13.08 from Trevor Lawrence on the bench. Trevor Lawrence is literally in the team name. You benched your own namesake. The disrespect.

Gay for Tay rolled behind Nico Collins (27.3), Jonathan Taylor (22.2), and Quinshon Judkins (18.6). Josh Allen threw for 18.52 in a loss, which is the most Josh Allen sentence possible. Dalton Schultz scored 1.9, but nobody was keeping score by then.

Matchup 3: WR vs. The Reason We Have Rules

WR 122.9, The Reason We Have Rules 143.38

Team WR’s best player is a guy named CeeDee Lamb, who scored 32.8 and still lost. That’s an act of cosmic violence. Meanwhile the other Dallas Cowboys were busy making The Reason We Have Rules rich, with Javonte Williams going for a casual 28.8 and George Pickens contributing a lukewarm 8.5.

The funniest part is that Rules left Brian Robinson Jr. on the bench for 25.2 points. He had a 25-point bench player and still won by 20, which feels like bringing a spare Ferrari to a go-kart race. Jake Bates the kicker scored 18.0, and a kicker outscoring most of your WRs is the kind of thing that ruins friendships.

WR, I have to ask: Josh Downs for 3.1 and Darren Waller for 5.1? You are a team named WR and your wide receivers were the problem. That’s an identity crisis.

Matchup 4: South Jersey 4th n’ Schlong vs. THE Notorious B.H.G.

South Jersey 70.42, Notorious B.H.G. 129.36

I’m going to say this gently: South Jersey scored 70 points and had a 25.5-point game from Emanuel Wilson sitting on the bench. He also had Rashee Rice at 0.0, Travis Kelce at 2.5, and a kicker who earned 5.0. Combined, the team looked less like a fantasy roster and more like a group chat that stopped responding.

The Notorious B.H.G. rode Kenneth Walker III (30.4), Bryce Young (21.46), and Zay Flowers (21.8). Yes, Bryce Young. We’re living in the good timeline. B.H.G. also has Tyreek Hill on the bench listed as a free agent, so apparently he’s finally been forced into the same emotional journey as everyone else.

Please also appreciate that B.H.G.’s Bills D/ST scored 1.0 and Caleb Williams is sitting on his IR. Those are choices, and somehow they still won by 59.

Matchup 5: Buffalo Bonez vs. Abella DangerRuss

Buffalo Bonez 130.2, Abella DangerRuss 152.08

The best matchup of the week on paper, and Abella DangerRuss cooked. Tetairoa McMillan dropped 38.2 and Kyren Williams added 31.7. Together that’s 69.9 points from two players, which is almost more than South Jersey’s entire starting lineup managed. Abella DangerRuss didn’t beat Buffalo Bonez, he lapped them while eating a sandwich.

Buffalo Bonez has a legitimate gripe: Joe Burrow scored 23.72 on the bench and Kyle Monangai (27.5!) sat there smiling. That’s 51.2 points of sadness. You lost by 21.9. Do the math and then go lie down.

Credit to Bijan Robinson, who torched New Orleans for 27.2, and Ka’imi Fairbairn, who scored 16.0 on kicks alone. Patrick Mahomes got 17.0 and Chiefs D got 1.0, the full Kansas City experience.

Awards Ceremony

Biggest Blowout: Gay for Tay over Trevvy McLawrence by 55. Brutal.

Closest Game: Let A Naber Know over Norse Horse. Okay, it’s not close, but it was the second tightest. Nobody had a close game this week. Your league has the competitive balance of the Harlem Globetrotters.

Best Bench Regret: Norse Horse. Drake Maye (26.16) and Jared Goff (20.48) both rode the pine while Ja’Marr Chase put up 4.2. Put that on a plaque.

Hero of the Week: Tetairoa McMillan, 38.2 points, a name nobody can spell correctly on the first try.

Villain of the Week: Saquon Barkley, 1.5 points. Sit down.

Everyone return next week with fresh optimism and the same bad decisions.

Waiver Wire Report: Wednesday, September 16

Another Wednesday, another round of FAAB chaos. Here’s who won, who lost, and who got absolutely sniped on the waiver wire this week.

Another Wednesday, another round of FAAB chaos. Here’s who won, who lost, and who got absolutely sniped on the waiver wire this week.

✅ The Winners

Let A Naber Know wins the priciest add of the week, dropping $14 to land WR Jalen Coker (CAR), cutting bait on RB Keaton Mitchell (LAC) to make room. That’s a serious commitment of FAAB for a depth piece — someone’s clearly buying the breakout.

Buffalo Bonez had a busy night, making two separate moves:

  • Spent $9 on WR Devaughn Vele (NO), dropping RB George Holani (SEA)
  • Spent $3 to flip streaming defenses, adding the Buccaneers D/ST and cutting the Lions D/ST

THE Norse Horse made a quieter but sneaky-smart move, paying $5 for QB Jared Goff (DET) and dropping TE Michael Mayer (LV) — a low-cost streamer/backup pickup at quarterback.

Team WR got in on the receiver run too, landing WR Caleb Douglas (MIA) for $4, dropping WR Adonai Mitchell (NYJ) to clear the spot.

❌ The Ones Who Got Sniped

It wasn’t pretty for everyone. A few squads fired bids that never had a chance:

  • Jalen Coker (CAR) was the hottest name on the wire — and the most contested. Abella DangerRuss ($10), Team WR ($8), and Buffalo Bonez ($4) all threw bids his way, but Let A Naber Know’s $14 buried the field.
  • Devaughn Vele (NO) drew a failed $7 bid from Let A Naber Know — ironic, since they’d already spent big elsewhere — right before Buffalo Bonez locked him up for $9.
  • Caleb Douglas (MIA) was a near-miss for THE Notorious B.H.G., whose $3 bid lost out to Team WR’s $4.
  • THE Norse Horse whiffed on a $2 flier for the Chiefs D/ST, though this one was more of a paperwork issue — the note flagged that “a player involved has already been dropped,” meaning the claim got voided before it ever had a shot at competing.

📊 Quick-Hit Summary

TeamMoveBid
Let A Naber Know+Jalen Coker (CAR WR) / −Keaton Mitchell (LAC RB)$14
Buffalo Bonez+Devaughn Vele (NO WR) / −George Holani (SEA RB)$9
THE Norse Horse+Jared Goff (DET QB) / −Michael Mayer (LV TE)$5
Team WR+Caleb Douglas (MIA WR) / −Adonai Mitchell (NYJ WR)$4
Buffalo Bonez+Buccaneers D/ST / −Lions D/ST$3

The Takeaway

Wide receiver depth was the story of the night — three separate teams chased Jalen Coker and Devaughn Vele, and FAAB budgets took a real hit fighting over them. If you’re still sitting on cash, note that the free-agent WR pool clearly has some league-mates spooked about depth. Streaming D/ST and backup QBs stayed cheap, so there’s still value to be had there if you’re patient.

That’s the wire for this week — see you next Wednesday.

If you’ve made it this far, I might as well mention that Claude wrote this. Thanks for reading.

Podcast Episode: Week 1 points fest: The rich get richer

Pip: Must Be Sunday, where the fantasy season is one week old and already someone is staring at their lineup wondering what went wrong.

Mara: This week we're covering the Week 1 recap from maxattack96 — a historic scoring day, a gold rush at the top of the standings, and a few teams that would rather forget Sunday happened at all. Let's start with who cashed in and who got left behind.

Week 1 points fest: The rich get richer

Pip: The premise here is simple — Week 1 of the 2026 NFL season was historically generous, and that generosity was not distributed evenly.

Mara: The post sets the stage with a league-wide number: "Sunday was the highest scoring day ever in the league," with FOX Sports clocking an average of 53.3 points per game across the slate.

Pip: Fifty-three points per game league-wide is the tide that lifts all boats — but some boats were already yachts. Brent finished with 190.06 points, led by Caleb Williams' 37-point day, plus Kenneth Walker and D'Andre Swift each clearing 30.

Mara: Five of Brent's starters finished with at least 23 points. That kind of depth is what separates a big week from a historic one. Abie wasn't far behind at 174.36, with four 20-point scorers and Ashton Jeanty finishing just 0.3 points shy of 30.

Pip: Jeanty proving doubters wrong by nearly hitting 30 is impressive. Stopping 0.3 short of that round number is the kind of detail that will haunt Abie's dreams in a close week.

Mara: Max also clears 130, which sounds great until you learn it resulted in a loss — 137 points and nothing to show for it. The post notes Kris would have beaten Thomas with a different lineup call, though the post is diplomatic about exactly how diplomatic it is on that subject.

Pip: Three teams — Ryan, Andrew, and Lebron — couldn't crack triple digits. Lebron's week gets its own autopsy: one position player above 10 points, a defense outscoring every skill position starter, and 68.2 points left on the bench.

Mara: The post is blunt about the path forward: Brock Purdy, Isaiah Likely, and Rhamondre Stevenson are all sitting on Lebron's bench and presumably starting in Week 2.

Pip: A rough week is one thing. A rough week with the answers already on your bench is a different kind of lesson entirely.

Mara: The standings reflect the split — four teams sitting at one and oh, four sitting at oh and one, and the margin between them was mostly which roster happened to be healthy and hot on the same Sunday.

Pip: A record-setting scoring day and the league is already sorted into the lucky and the not-so-lucky.

Mara: Week 2 will tell us whether the top holds or the field closes in. Worth watching.

Week 1 points fest: The rich get richer

A fantasy football team never looks better than it does right before the first Sunday of the season.

NEW YORK – A fantasy football team never looks better than it does right before the first Sunday of the season. There is so much hope and optimism for a big year, just like a nerd has on the first day of school. Unfortunately, some people have to learn about swirlies the hard way. 

Week 1 of the 2026 NFL season gave us some history as Sunday was the highest scoring day ever in the league. According to FOX Sports, the slate produced an average of 53.3 points per game. To reach that type of peak, you need a whole lot of touchdowns.

In a gold rush of scoring, Brent and Abie put up historic weeks. 

(No. 1) Brent

Led by Caleb Williams’ insane 37-point day, plus 32.6 from Kenneth Walker and 31.9 from D’Andre Swift, Brent put up a staggering 190.06 points. All in, the Gotkin squad had five starters end the week with at least 23 points. I know that it isn’t the highest scoring week in league history, but I don’t know exactly where it stands. Jack hasn’t run the numbers in a while. 

(No. 2) Abie

Finishing in a very respectable second place this week was Abie with 174.36. Powered by 35.66 points from New York’s only true quarterback, the Gay for Tay crew tallied four 20-point scorers. Las Vegas star RB Ashton Jeanty proved all the doubters wrong, finishing just 0.3 points shy of that elusive 30.

(No. 3) Max

Only one other team finished Week 1 above the 130-point threshold. I don’t want to offend Kris and spend too much time talking about my own team, so all I’m going to say is that it sucks to put up 137 and lose. 

Side note: Kris would have beaten Thomas if he started Dalton Kincaid over Michael Mayer. I would have said something about starting any of his bench players instead of Ja’Marr but that would just be rude and insane. 

Here’s how the rest of the week’s scoring finished up:

Three squads (Ryan, Andrew and Lebron) couldn’t crack triple digits. Guys, keep your heads up. It’s a long season.

While we’re talking about losers, let me quickly dive into Lebron’s disaster week. Only one position player finished with at least 10 points, that would be CMC at 11.3. Somehow, that wasn’t Lebron’s highest-scoring starter as the Steelers’ D went off for 19 points. Worst of all, Lebron left A LOT of points on the bench, 68.2 to be exact. I think it’s safe to say he will be starting Brock Purdy, Isaiah Likely and Rhamondre Stevenson in Week 2.

Here is how we enter Week 2:

C Hood Westside

RKTEAMWLTPCTGBPLAYOFF %
1THE Notorious B.H.G.1001.000—75
2Buffalo Bonez1001.000—61
3South Jersey 4th n’ Schlo…1001.000—73
4THE Norse Horse010.000147
5Let A Naber Know010.000149

C Hood Eastside

RKTEAMWLTPCTGBPLAYOFF %
1Gay for Tay1001.000—76
2Trevvy McLawrence1001.000—68
3WR010.000149
4The Reason We Have Rules010.000151
5Abella DangerRuss010.000151

For more on Week 1, be sure to listen to the league’s official podcast.

Where the fuck is my pen? A draft recap

170 picks later, the rosters are set.

HOBOKEN – 170 picks later, the rosters are set (for now).

Sunday’s draft had a little bit of everything: pizza, unfunny jokes and lots and lots of lost pens. Seriously, what the fuck was going on with everyone losing track of their pen? 

Continue reading “Where the fuck is my pen? A draft recap”

We begin again

After a long spring and summer, the best time of the year is right around the corner.

NEW YORK – After a long spring and summer, the best time of the year is right around the corner.

It’s been a busy offseason for the league, full of engagements and weddings. Enjoyable as those have (or have not) been, it’s time to focus on the thing that matters most – fantasy football.

Continue reading “We begin again”

To Think is to Suffer

PAIN, USA – I have many regrets in my life. Times I should have made a move, times I shouldn’t have, but none of those compare to the worst decision I have ever made.

Despite riding it out with MVP candidate Matt Stafford for the majority of the fantasy season, I made the bonehead move to not only pick up but play JJ McCarthy this week in the semifinals. It will stand as one of the worst fantasy moves in league history.

Continue reading “To Think is to Suffer”

Return of the Max

HUNTSVILLE, Ala. – “Alexa, play some Mark Morrison.”

Week 1 was pretty brutal for the Buck You squad. With “stars” DeVonta Smith, Kenneth Walker and Ja’Marr Chase combining for a grand total of 10.6 points, it’s not hard to understand why we finished with an embarrassing 79.48 points. It should have been the worst score of the week, but Brad the Dad saved me there (62.42).

Continue reading “Return of the Max”