Matchup 1: Let A Naber Know 138.46 vs. South Jersey 4th n’ Schlong 143.1
Winner: South Jersey 4th n’ Schlong by 4.64
South Jersey won because Bucky Irving dropped 30.5, Jason Myers scored 23.0 as a kicker, and Jaxon Smith-Njigba added 20.3. The rest of the lineup had some real stinkers: Jeremiyah Love put up 2.2, Mark Andrews 2.8, and Luther Burden 6.9. Kyle Pitts sat on the bench with 12.7 while Andrews stunk up the TE slot.
Let A Naber Know lost by 4.64 points, and Emeka Egbuka scored 14.2 on their bench while Jaylen Waddle sat in the lineup with 3.8. That swap alone wins them the game, 148.86 to 143.1. Add a 1.0 from the Steelers D and a 4.4 from Omarion Hampton, and this was a self-inflicted loss. Isaiah Likely (26.9) and Malik Nabers (23.6) did their jobs, and the manager repaid them by starting Waddle.
Matchup 2: The Reason We Have Rules 112.8 vs. Trevvy McLawrence 52.54
Winner: The Reason We Have Rules by 60.26
Trevvy McLawrence put up 52.54 points, and 29.74 of them came from the QB and kicker. The other eight starters combined for 22.8. Alvin Kamara (1.6), David Montgomery (1.1), and Carnell Tate (1.1) totaled 3.8 points, Jordan Addison was questionable, projected for 0.0, and delivered exactly that, Harold Fannin gave 0.9 at TE, and the Bears D posted -2.0. This lineup was projected for 102.4 and fell about 50 points short.
The winners weren’t exactly good either. Puka Nacua (29.2) and George Pickens (23.5) did the heavy lifting while the Cowboys D scored -2.0, Colston Loveland 2.9, and Tee Higgins 3.2. They still won by 60. Sometimes you just need an opponent who forgot to show up.
Matchup 3: THE Norse Horse 170.66 vs. Abella DangerRuss 186.54
Winner: Abella DangerRuss by 15.88
The shootout of the week, and the loser scored 170.66, which would have beaten every other team on the board except the top two. Drake Maye (39.46) had the best individual game of the week and got a loss for it. Parker Washington (27.4), Derrick Henry (20.5), and Brock Bowers (19.0) couldn’t save him from Rome Odunze’s 3.5 and Will Shipley’s 7.8.
Abella DangerRuss had Jahmyr Gibbs (35.2), Jaylen Warren (33.8 at FLEX), and Jared Goff (28.94) all going off. The Norse Horse’s bench produced a grand total of 2.04, including Tyler Shough at -0.16 and the Rams D at -1.0. They gave their manager nothing to work with.
Matchup 4: Buffalo Bonez 100.7 vs. THE Notorious B.H.G. 192.88
Winner: THE Notorious B.H.G. by 92.18
This was a murder. B.H.G. had the top score of the week at 192.88, led by Christian Watson (29.3), Jacoby Brissett (24.78), Mike Evans (22.8), James Cook (22.3), and Spencer Shrader (21.0). They did it while carrying Tyreek Hill as a free agent on their bench and three players on bye.
Buffalo Bonez were projected for 125.8, and then TreVeyon Henderson scored 4.3, DK Metcalf 3.8, Chase Brown 5.5, the Jaguars D 4.0, and Deebo Samuel Sr. 1.5. They started Samuel with an O next to his name, so the warning label was right there. Wan’Dale Robinson sat on the bench with 8.3. Joe Burrow (24.6) and Trey McBride (17.1) were stuck on a sinking ship.
Matchup 5: WR 89.14 vs. Gay for Tay 103.18
Winner: Gay for Tay by 14.04
WR lost a game they should have won. They started the Raiders D, which scored -6.0 in a 45-17 loss to the Patriots, while the Broncos D sat on the bench with 14.0. That’s a 20-point swing, and the swap alone makes it 109.14 to 103.18, a 5.96-point WR win. Josh Downs (6.2) also sat on the bench while CeeDee Lamb (Q) scored 1.9 and Tony Pollard (Q) scored 5.2. Justin Jefferson (15.8), Braelon Allen (18.1), and Sam LaPorta (17.3) showed up, and the manager handed it all back.
Gay for Tay got a huge 30.5 from Josh Allen and little else. Michael Wilson scored 5.28, Quinshon Judkins 6.5, and Dallas Goedert 6.8, while Jameson Williams sat on the bench with 17.7. They won anyway, but they didn’t deserve to be this comfortable.
Awards
Highest score: THE Notorious B.H.G., 192.88
Lowest score: Trevvy McLawrence, 52.54
Biggest blowout: Notorious B.H.G. over Buffalo Bonez, 92.18 points
Closest game: Let A Naber Know vs. South Jersey, 4.64 points
Player of the week: Drake Maye, 39.46 points, and his manager still lost
Worst start: Raiders D, -6.0 for WR
Bench blunders of the week (tie): WR, for leaving the 14.0 Broncos D on the bench behind a -6.0 Raiders D (a 20-point swing that flipped the result), and Let A Naber Know, for starting Waddle (3.8) over Egbuka (14.2) in a game they lost by 4.64
Zero club: Jordan Addison (Trevvy McLawrence), who started while questionable and was a no-show
